Total Mind F***

[MiWatt]

Weird situation. I have no idea what to think, so any interpretation would be welcome.

I recently got into an argument with a girl I like (who's also a very close friend, and has been for a year or so). It was one of those arguments where stuff gets out that wouldn't otherwise be said. We were arguing mostly about her previous relationships, her low opinion of men, and me. Bear in mind that this is a girl who has shown very little to no interest in me romantically before, but who is very close (we go on holiday together, meet up for meals, tell each other everything, etc).

Anyway, at one point she got pissed off at the fact that I'd told her, a few weeks ago, that I "needed to talk to her about something" (I didn't specify what at the time) and then hadn't said anything to her when we met up. Then she said she couldn't work me out and had no idea what I felt about her (she didn't specify "felt" in a romantic-relationship kind of way, but she might have been getting at that). Then she said she had no interest in men (probably because of past relationships - she's not a lesbian) but that if she did she'd ask me out and want me to be her boyfriend.

So WTF does that mean???

P.S. The argument got out of hand and I acted like a total dick. I want to send some flowers and a note to say sorry (not red roses) and would like to know if anyone thinks that would be weird coming from a guy friend?

Thanks.

[MerryH]

It means you're being weird. You told her you "needed to talk to her about something" and then you never did, so it's left up to her imagination and she assumed that you wanted to tell her you had feelings for her. So even though you didn't make any indications that you like her, she thought it necessary to let you down gently before you went and did something silly like confess your love to her.

P.S. Stop being a total dick.

[Sinny]

It means she luuurrrveeess uuu ....but be wary of the type of girl thats gonna blow her top over u missing the signal, a better girl would just tell you straight or change her tactics.

[Regnent]

Considering my wife has a very deep rooted distrust of men, and how she's got me in some seperate species of man (the one she can trust), she may well be telling you that if you're interested come get her.

Wouldn't hurt playing it a little safe, or at least slow.

I doubt she's going to just open up to it, and while she might allow it to develop, she's going to be -looking- for reasons to shut it down.

[MiWatt]

It means you're being weird. You told her you "needed to talk to her about something" and then you never did, so it's left up to her imagination and she assumed that you wanted to tell her you had feelings for her. So even though you didn't make any indications that you like her, she thought it necessary to let you down gently before you went and did something silly like confess your love to her.

P.S. Stop being a total dick.

Yeah well the thing I "needed to talk to her about" wasn't how I felt about her, it was about something I'd found out about her past relationships and had a massive problem with. Sure from her perspective maybe it does look weird. I know confessing love is a stupid counter-productive thing to do - I won't be doing that.

Considering my wife has a very deep rooted distrust of men, and how she's got me in some seperate species of man (the one she can trust), she may well be telling you that if you're interested come get her.

I know what you mean - I know that I've been placed into that "separate species" category. I don't know whether she's telling me to come get her if I'm interested though. Surely telling me categorically that she has no interest in men would be an attempt to put me off?

[Regnent]

I took it as a warning personally. I was very carefull to not put any pressure on her. Since nothing happened till well over a year of not being around each other, she may well have not been ready.

Far as I can tell, it's a warning, but the fact that she left the opening (If I didn't hate men, I would date you) tells me she's interested, but very guarded, and maybe not ready -yet-.

You could play it safe and succeed, or your could start the chase and succeed. Both could fail. The only thing I get, is she's guarded, and possibly not ready to open up for a relationship.

Took me a -very- long time to get past alot of my wifes hangups. Like 10-12 years, and we're still working on it.

[HeartIsAching]

Far as I can tell, it's a warning, but the fact that she left the opening (If I didn't hate men, I would date you) tells me she's interested, but very guarded, and maybe not ready -yet-.

That's how I read it, too.

[MiWatt]

Thank you Regnent. I hadn't actually thought of it like that, but it makes a lot of sense.

I'm getting sick of crappy men saddling girls with issues - I keep coming across it. Congrats on the whole 10-12 years thing - you must be a very understanding and patient guy. If only more were like you!

[Regnent]

Carefull what you wish for. I've had lots of growing durring that time too.

[MerryH]

Yeah well the thing I "needed to talk to her about" wasn't how I felt about her, it was about something I'd found out about her past relationships and had a massive problem with.

I'm not sure what right you have to confront her on her past relationships, or argue about it. That probably falls under the umbrella of "being a total dick."

[E.C.]

If you like her as a friend, or even somewhat romantically then be patient. Before she can have another relationship whether it's with you or with someone else, she 'should' sort out her trust issues. Some people are like a bin, whatever crap is thrown into the bin, it piles up.

In any capacities you'll be to her, her past shouldn't matter and it is done and dusted. Offer your perspective if needed but do not judge her for her past, and do not bring it up in a fashion that she will feel as if you're rubbing it in. She probably likes you, if it is mutual you should be more caring about her feelings and keep your little promises.