chronicle of my frustration and will start to apply the NCR

[toronto-r]

i am shocked, in disbelief and completely humiliated.
couple days ago this guy that i dated dumped me, for various reasons, i've broken up with him many times before but this is the first time that a guy dumped me so my ego took a huge beating.
day 1 ---- the first day it happened i did all the no-nos, i begged, threatened, persuaded, and non of it worked and i called like a maniac and finally he said some very cruel words to me and i stopped. the rest of the day i was physically too weak to do anything, i lied in bed the whole day feeling rejected, humiliated and pathetic.
day 2 NCR starts-----in the morning i was feeling like schit but managed to get out of bed and wash my face...i had a horrible nightmare but was strong enough to drink sth and go to brunch with a gf...afterwards we did some retail therapy and i went to meet another friend and chilled and had dinner.
at night i drowned my self on the broken heart forum reading other ppl's stories until i was sleepy and went to bed.
day 3 ----- was ok cus i was surrounded by coworkers, but i had crazy ups and downs and one minute i would feel ok and the next i would feel worthless...and PATHETIC. it's like a recurring theme, the feeling of worthlessness, like you're undesirable and there's sth wrong with you. at night i talked to couple guys that i've dated in the past and were still good friends with.... and was feeling better about my self...found out a friend was coming to visit and also some work related stuff perked me up. i had a temporary high.

day 4 -----today in the morning once again it was difficult to get out of bed, the feeling of desperation and lonliness was hard to bear and the words he said to me still stings... forced my self to get up and go to work...at work i am slowly feeling better but i know the next wave of depression will hit anytime.... feeling more powerful compared to couple days ago and once i cross a day on the calendar i know i accomplished sth - not calling him ever since the day it happened.
i'm well on my way to healling ... also gfs are soo important right now, they've given me so much support and love and laughter, i'd be dead inside without them
omfg right now i feel so angry and irritated... WTF WTF
at night went out to a house party and enjoyed my self... met new peeps and feel refreshed when i got home.

day 5 --- feeling much better... the A-hole tried to tlk to me yesterday but i completely ignored him... making progress and feeling empowered since i made the choice to not tlk to him and that gave me a bit of my autonomy back... the fact that he's not in it for the long haul makes me realize why waste time on him... it's always been the clever thing to do-which is to leave me but i guess i was too weak to do that on my own. thank god he gave me that push.
still occasionally feel like $hit but time is of the essense i guess.

Sometimes the blues just hit you like a brick and you dont see it coming... super depressed right now and cant concentrate... hanging on ... meeting up with friends later and they said that they were gonna tell me sth, apparently the A-hole lied to me about sth... honestly at this point i dont even thinik i shld be exposed to that but i'm both p!ssed off and curious... i guess finding out what he lied about will hurt me again but wutever, i was at the lowest of the lows and right now i'm getting better

day 7 - one week since he broke up with me, i miss him and just seeing his name on the computer hurts... it's ridiculous how a person can hurt so much ... it's like you have a pit in ur stomach and u feel like u're unworthy and no one will ever be with you cus there's sth WRONG with you...
was reading baggage reclaim blog and trying to comprehend the notion that - no one can change Mr unavailable and EUM(emotional unavailable man)... those are dangerous because they will never love you back no matter how hard you try, how much you put it. If he didnt say those words to me, i might've just stuck around and be pathetic.... luckily he broke ties with me by saying some of the cruelest things. The funny thing is, he's said them before but i guess i just never listened, or pretended that he didnt say those things.... this is my own doing, but it's ok, i'm not going to allow him to have the power to hurt/insult me again.

[toronto-r]

i just want to write down all my feelings to let everyone here know that u're not alone... all those negative feelings will eventually go away... they're going away slowly for me and i am confident that one day you'll feel like your self again - powerful and in control

[sweetkissesforu]

have a broken heart hurts but does not last forever

[toronto-r]

totally... i think alot of the times, it's ur ego that's hurting, which is compounded by the fact that someone you trusted turned his/her back on you completely and abruptly... its a mixture of shock, sadness and bruised ego

[Horseyguy]

Wish I felt better after four days ..

anyway look on the bright side at least you know how he felt when you dumped him all those times

[toronto-r]

the earlier times werent breaking up but more like stop dating... this breakup occured after we started to develop real feelings for each other... so it hurts then all the previous times...
and i never said those things that he said to me before.

[Cinnabella]

I was in that same Shock lol, he turned his head 180 degrees, i didnt believe it, you will feel better in time ;-).