at a loss...please help!

[sublimegirl46]

I am 25 have been with my 28 year old boyfriend for a total of 6 years, (we dated for 3 years, broke up for a year, and have now been back together for almost 3 years). Most of the relationship has been long distance, as I was going to school in a different state.

I just finished college last winter, and we had been living together in our hometown for a year. I was working at a production job unrelated to my degree, just to pay the bills/student loans, although I did enjoy the work. My boyfriend does carpentry work and had been feeling very unfulfilled and unappreciated with his job in our hometown, and essentially stopped working for about 3 months. With him not working and me being so tired working all the time to pay the bills, I started going out more with friends from work, and my boyfriend and I started arguing a lot.

Around that time we visited my boyfriend's sister who lives 4 hours south of us in a Very small farming town (population like 500 people). We ended up having a lot of fun that weekend, and my boyfriend got a job offer from one of his best friends and cousin, (a lot of his family lives in this town).

On a bit of a whim, we decided to move down to this town his sister lives in, and have been living in a house here for 4 months. My boyfriend really enjoys his new carpentry job, it's just he and his cousin and he makes decent money also. I have been having alot of trouble finding any work, much less any worthwhile work (something using my degree) since we have been here. I also do not enjoy living in such a small town, I feel isolated from culture and my friends. It is not somewhere that I want to live permanently.

I have just recently been offered a job at the production plant that I used to work (back in our hometown, 4 hours away). It is a higher position with more responsibilities, benefits, and higher pay. I haven't talk to my boyfriend much about it, but I know that he does not want to move back, and is against me living in our hometown without him (I could live with my parents) as he thinks it would really damage our relationship.

Right now I am working weekends at a Subway 15 miles away from where we live and my boyfriend has been talking about how buying the house we are currently renting might be a smart decision. I do not want to live in this town permanently much less buy a house. But I also love my boyfriend very much and now I don't know what to do.

I feel like if I don't accept this position I will regret it later on in life. I don't want it to be five years from now and be 30 working at subway.

Please Help Me!!! Any advice you could offer would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[blv]

wow this is a tough one. i can understand both of your positions. six years i a good amount of time and strong feeling can grow. one thing i see is that the production job is only 4 hrs away and if you can stay with your parents to save money it would be a good idea for your future together. you could both work to save money at your own jobs, see each other whenever you can and see how it works. try it for six months or so and reevaluate then. also you two have been together for a while. time to start getting really honest about how you feel. talk to each other about everything you wrote here. if you both truly love each other make understanding the foundation of the conversation. be open in a compassionate way. dont let your mind and emotions take over and get angry or upset with one another. lay out the options and make a choice together. try it out for a while and if it doesnt work start over and try something different untill you find the right way together

[prettylady01]

I agree this is a tough one. The thing is when a man isnt doing what he feels like he needs to do to provide for his family then he can get down very easy. It is up to the man to be that masculine presence in the relationship and that is why he changed when he was able to work a job he felt good about. You need to be honest with him and tell him you do not want to live in a small town like that. If you both are mature enough then a compromise can be made and it seems like you both can make that happen. Living apart does take a toll on the relationship but if the compromise is that it is short term then you guys can handle it. The most important thing is to be honest and open.