My Ex Hates Me

[ninjawarrior]

I dated my ex for about three and a half years but have known him for about four and a half. The last year and a half we've known each other we were long distance, which is what helped fuel the breakup.

We've always had our problems, but since the break-up it's been awful. I tried moving on and dating other people, but he was able to pull me back, telling me how much he loved me and begging me to get back together. But when I finally said yes, suddenly he became distant and cold. He wouldn't respond to me for days, and refused to say the L-word because he claimed he "didn't know what <that word> means anymore."

He finally moved back to the area in September, and we hadn't seen each other in nearly 9 months. I was so excited, I tried to arrange to see him the next weekend. But he said he was too busy because he was POSSIBLY baby-sitting his niece (2 years old.) I offered to baby-sit his niece together, and then have some alone time together. But he got very upset because he said I was too demanding and taking time away from his family, who would always be first priority and how dare I get upset about that.

The next month, anytime we talked we got into a fight. He would get mad at me for the most random stuff.... like I would ask him to visit, and he would yell at me because I'm asking him to spend money for gas when I KNOW he doesn't have a job. The most ridiculous one was when we were discussing a TV show. I generally like the show, but I think the central philosophical question is kind of dumb/pointless. He yelled about how dare I think stuff he finds interested is dumb, hung up on me, and refused to return my messages for 3 days.

If I called him too much, I was needy. But if I stopped calling him and waited for him to call me, he said I was playing games and just wanted a boyfriend who "chased me." If I got upset or cried, he said I was manipulating him to get my way by making him feel guilty.

In October, I finally said enough. I told him I needed to see other people, and needed time/space away from him.

Suddenly he wouldn't leave me alone. He sent me emails telling me how he imagined me as the future mother of his children, and begging to see me when he was in town. I finally returned his call to tell him to stop speaking to me, and he yelled that I had destroyed his heart and he hadn't been planning on contacting me again ANYWAY.

We've had a few conversations since then online. He's told me that he's way happier not dating me, that I'm a bipolar psycho and emotionally abusive. But then he gets mad if I'm not friendly enough, and if I AM politely friendly, will spend hours complaining about being unemployed and living with his parents, and how much he misses his dog that died in November.

But the most ridiculous piece of all this is I still love him.... Or better yet, I still love the guy he was the first three years we were dating. I still miss him terribly and wish he loved me.

Is there any way for me to salvage this? I can't even figure out why one month he'll tell me he loves me, and the next month I'm a psycho..... I feel so confused and messed up about this.

[ashley89]

this guy is a complete jerk. cut off all contact and don't let him suck you back in like that again. he isn't good for you or to you, and you can go out there and meet people who will treat you the way you deserve!

[Charisma]

I 100% agree with Ashley.

People who think the world of you don't treat you like crap. And you do not deserve to be treated like crap.

[Holdme]

This guy has issues, he's probably insecure with himself. I think you'll find he's the one whose a bipolar psycho and emotionally abusive but he's pushing his insecurities onto you to try and make him feel better about himself. You both need time to cool off, cut contact with him if you tries to speak to you don't and after a month or two if you still feel like trying to rekindle something talk to him but keep it casual - but imo he's not worth your time, you'll probably relise this when you have some time to yourself.

[DarkHelmet82]

HE sounds like my ex.... she was pulling the same shit with me.. ONe second she loves me the next shes telling me she doenst have feelings for me.... I cant stop thinking about her either...However this guys is a real jerk.. I would just stop talking to him

[IncognitoSir]

Sounds like he feels you've 'hurt' him, emotionally. Him acting and reacting like this is all a defense mechanism to protect himself from being hurt again. He probably needs some space and time to sort himself out. TBH, I was kinda like this with my ex, not so extreme though. It was hard for me dealing with the lost of my first love and the anger of what she did for me to break up with her. It's quite the clash of emotions and I had NO IDEA how to deal with it. Didn't get better until i went NC and gave myself time and space to heal properly.