When you are in a new relationship,

[oneandonly]

do you ever think back what you had with your ex? Ever think about your ex?

It's been a year since I and my ex broke up. We've been together about 2 or 3 years - can't remember exactly now Living together about 2 years, I think.

I kicked him out after finding out messages on his phone 'you are gorgeous. I would love to take you out and blah blah' to this Thai waitress he saw in Thai restaurant.

After break up, he sent a message every now and then along the line 'I am just wondering how you are doing...' I ignored it first. He seemed to think I blocked him or something. He sent more messages to different email address I have but don't use often. I replied with 'what do you want?'.

End of November, he emailed me;

'Sometimes I wish we were back together cos I miss the companionship. And believe it or not your cooking. ;-) thing is I don't miss the falling out which we did so often. The mood swings. They made me very stressed. Realized that more when I left. I don't actually want a serious relationship. Not with anyone. Still not sure if I will be in uk come next year. There is a chance I could be in Toronto living and working in the near future.

Would love to see you, have dinner and drinks. Doesn't have to be all doom and gloom. Go on don't be so stubborn. :-)'

So, basically he wanted to meet me as friend. I didn't want that. So, I said I was not yet ready to meet as friend. Mayby sometime in the future. But not now. I asked him to leave me alone.

A few days later, he tried to talk to me on MSN. I asked him again not to talk to me and leave me alone.

Come to early February, I thought I was finally ready to meet him as friend. But to be honest, I still had feelings for him. I guess I just missed him. After 3 months of no contact, I casually sent him one line of message without 'hi' or 'bye' about some random stuff. He didn't respond.

Near Valentine day, I looked up his facebook photo. Boom. There he was with a girl. Looking like a really lovely couple. It looks like that Thai waitress.

After we broke up, at the begining, I expected that he would apologise and try to get back together. I asked him if he's still texting the girl. He said 'no'. On the last message, he said he didn't want a serious relationship. Not with anyone. That was only 3 months ago! Now, he puts up a really nice photo on facebook, which he wouldn't have done if he's not serious about the girl.

That brought all the pain in the world again. I mean, he should've said that it was me that he didn't want a relationship with (although I should have known by then, anyway). Till the last minute, he was not truthful to me. That upsets me. All this time, he was working at this very same girl. Somehow, I had a glimpse of hope that we might get back together one day but now I know it's truly over.

That photo together must've been taken on Valentines' day. It only brings me down if I keep on looking up (I don't even have a facebook account) so since the first day I saw it, I no longer put myself in that position and stopped it.

But, it's been really hard to come to terms with that he's got a girlfriend. I guess he is blissfully happy now. How is a guy like? After break up, do they ever think about ex? Or they just totally forget and are happy with the current girlfriend?

I find that a different sort of sadness set in after all this time, which I am sure will pass with time....


*** 'Ignore List' is brilliant here. I hope you know who you are and don't waste your time!***

[Ric]

Both males and females do this.
Sometimes they just move on and stop caring all together, other times their new seemingly serious relationship they had no interest in is nothing more than a casual fling to get over lost love. You can't look into their mind so never know for sure.

Personally, it's hard for me to properly get over someone. Takes a lot of time and I'm not prone to date anyone in that time.

[oneandonly]

I think I am one of those who dwell on the past way too much. But then, I invested so much emotions and all others into that releationship. It saddens me to imagine what they must be doing together that he and I used to do.

I always wanted to be one man's girl. Jumping from one guy to next just makes me sad.

I knew that he wasn't a good bf though. I recently met a guy briefly who was really keen, saying I would love to have you a gf and stuff. Strangely, he made me miss my ex. If he was someone I liked, I would probably have not thought of my ex so much. So, I reckon I will forget him and everything when I meet a guy that I fancy..... and, that's exactly what's happening to him so he doesn't remember anything about us at all now.

[Ric]

You can't know. Perhaps you'll be on his mind for many many more years. Just because he has moved on doesn't mean he has forgotten.

[SelflessnHumble]

How is a guy like? Unemotional, rational, calm and determined (the polar opposite of a girl) in this scenario.
Think about everything you've felt: he's done the opposite as a male. of course he is happy with his girlfriend. He doesn't want you back.

Stop having expectations

[oneandonly]

Someone said this;

'It’s very complicate… Yes, he is thinking about you very often. But when he is with his new girlfriend, he is focusing on her. She is something new for him. Generally, guys get excitement very quickly. Especially when they make love or having sex with a new person. As the time passes, he is going to think about you more and then he will start to compare his new friend with his ex. If you are better than her, he will try to come closer to you. If not, he is going to disappear.'

It seems to make sense. It broke me down, however, reading 'he is focusing on her'. I knew that but it still hurts nonethless.

[SelflessnHumble]

Someone said this;

'It’s very complicate… Yes, he is thinking about you very often. But when he is with his new girlfriend, he is focusing on her. She is something new for him. Generally, guys get excitement very quickly. Especially when they make love or having sex with a new person. As the time passes, he is going to think about you more and then he will start to compare his new friend with his ex. If you are better than her, he will try to come closer to you. If not, he is going to disappear.'

It seems to make sense. It broke me down, however, reading 'he is focusing on her'. I knew that but it still hurts nonethless.

Whoever told you that doesn't want to hurt your feelings so instead spared them by stating things that are more than likely untrue.
Everyone's ultimate goal is: experience life.

He's done with you and wants more experiences.
Should you two reunite? It won't be now, and you'd be wasting valuable time you will NEVER get back thinking so.

[oneandonly]

It's not about me hoping to get back together. That's pretty much ended when I realised that he was making ZERO effort to get me back. So, I knew. Maybe I had a glimpse of hope but that was really tiny tiny.

It's just that this new developement on his part makes me immensely sad as I simply assumed that his memory about us has disappeared right there and then as he has a new girl in his life.

More than ever, I know there is no 'us'. Even if he does try albeit it's very unlikely, knowing myself, I can never take him back after he slept with her.

But I still cannot help feeling sad as I realised now that it's truly over.

[SelflessnHumble]

Oh, I understand that feeling of sadness that drops down into your lower stomach area all too well.
So how to get over it.

You don't take magic potions/elixirs...No...Instead you realize that you aren't in love with *him* no...
You are in love with what he did to you that makes you *feel* good.

Rejection is a natural part of life.

[Ric]

See it as a blessing. Obviously you still had some hope for you guys getting back together.
Take that feeling of it being truly over and use it to move on yourself. That's way better than moping around, hoping in the back of your mind that things might turn out ok.

[oneandonly]

When I saw the photo of him with this girl, a relief is one of many emotions that have gone through. It's like whatever reason I had before was not enough. But now I got a full set to let go completely.

Read a lot that people can't eat nor sleep after a break up. It never happened to me after a break up until I saw this photo. Somehow, it sunk in that a huge chapter of my life has now finally closed.

It hit me for two weeks. But I've decided as from today, I will put a stop to dwelling on the past that he was in.