does No Contact mean you still have feelings?

[80r]

My girlfriend broke up with me a little under two weeks ago and has gone NC. She had little reason to break up with me, and a lot of the reasons contradicted each other, which made me think she either met someone or someone persuaded her into it. She says it's not so, and I'm inclined to believe her. I even told her I rather it she met someone else, because then the breakup would make sense. I can't find closure if it doesn't make sense. Still, she said no.

So onto my real question. She said regardless of whether it made sense or not, she didn't love me anymore like she used to. Okay, fine. But then why go No Contact? I once had a girlfriend that I completely fell out of love with, and therefore I had no need for NC. I felt nothing so it didn't matter to me if I spoke to her here and there. The only times I ever went NC was when I still felt something.

So what's everyone's take on this? Have you ever decided on NC when you didn't love them anymore, and there was no hate or resentment? She broke up with me saying that she might want to be with me in the future, just not until college is over. So clearly there is no resentment.

[Ric]

You will need to understand that different people behave in different ways.
Yes, it is possible she still has feelings for you.
However, if she does, those feelings don't have to mean she still loves you or is in love with you. There are many kind of romantical and emotional feelings.

However, even without any left feelings, she can still feel uncomfortable for many different reasons and that's why she decided for NC at this time.
Or, she is afraid that you have too many feelings left and it would only be painful to have any kind of conversation with you.


Don't put any faith in her saying she might want to be with you in the future. While this is possible, it's way more likely it's her way of not breaking it off completely so you have something to cling onto and don't collapse. (perhaps she thinks, rightfully or not, that you're that kind of person.
It's also possible she said this so she has a safety net. Have your mourning period and then continue with your life as if you were single. Don't let yourself, in any way, be tied down to her. I promise you she won't be doing that either.

[80r]

Don't put any faith in her saying she might want to be with you in the future. While this is possible, it's way more likely it's her way of not breaking it off completely so you have something to cling onto and don't collapse. (perhaps she thinks, rightfully or not, that you're that kind of person.
It's also possible she said this so she has a safety net.

Nah, she told me me "maybe, but maybe not, so you should just move on. Don't wait for me." She even told me I should join the military, which is something I had wanted to do some years ago, but because I had bounced from one relationship to the other since I was 16, I didn't really have the opportunity. Nonetheless, I don't see the point in joining now.

And it's hard to not put faith into us getting back together. I've never seen a couple with more things in common. And I know this for a fact, it's not the delusions from being too emotionally involved (which I've experienced before, so I was ever so careful to thoroughly examine every aspect of our relationship, throughout our relationship, to ensure I was not making a mistake again).

Our political and religious views, entertainment preferences (we like all the same movies, books, shows, bands, video games, board games, etc.), sexual drive, family values, dream house, dream location, vacation wishes, desire for health (we both eat 100% organic), etc, etc, all match up perfectly. The only thing that is not exact is she likes to plan things absurdly in advance, whereas I am spontaneous; she is very emotional where I am emotionally stable, teetering on "cold and calculating"; and she worries about financial security a lot more than me, though I am fantastic with money (I'm only 23 and have a credit score of 750) and we both work hard, so I wasn't worried about it.

But I consider these things to be balanced. If we were both spontaneous/not, we'd either plan too much, wasting time changing old plans, or we'd never plan for anything. The worrying about financial security is a byproduct of her over-planning, and would me moot, anyway, once we both have full-time jobs. The emotional factor is also balancing. Whenever she's upset, I'm there for her like a rock, tethering her to reality. If she were as cold as me, the relationship would be emotionless. We're also very attracted to each other and are of perfect height with respect to each other (our faces align perfectly during sex. More passionate that way). We also make amazing parents, especially together. I'm firm and consistent and very strict, but not overbearing or having unrealistic expectations. And she is strict but so sweet, warm, and loving. We babysat two kids for a month together, around the clock, and everyone was amazed. I can't see myself with anyone but her. I feel like we transcended 'love' and were 'partners in life', held in higher regard than mere 'lovers'.

Oh yea, and I'm a major nerd. Most women would forbid spending all this money on unnecessary, unheard of, gadgetry, but she appreciates it and enjoys all the things I get. I loved that about her. Like when I was looking at speakers to buy, the words "Wife Acceptance Factor" kept appearing, because women commonly don't like large speakers. When I mentioned that to her she said "But bigger speakers sound better!". I responded "And that's why I love you."

[Ric]

Always hard to not put faith in someone when you think you found "the one".
But, however you feel for her doesn't matter right now. What matters is what she feels for you, which is apparantly not enough to imagine a future with you at this time. So, take her advice and move on, do what you like.

Once you do that and get "over her" and realize it's over you might look more objectively at your relationship with her and find flaws you earlier didn't. And perhaps you'll suddenly meat someone you're more compatible with.
And perhaps, though don't live towards this, eventually you'll end up together again and live a happy life with her.
But for now, focus on yourself and not her or the relationship that's no more. And also don't think about what she might or might not feel for you.

[80r]

Always hard to not put faith in someone when you think you found "the one".
But, however you feel for her doesn't matter right now. What matters is what she feels for you, which is apparantly not enough to imagine a future with you at this time. So, take her advice and move on, do what you like.

Once you do that and get "over her" and realize it's over you might look more objectively at your relationship with her and find flaws you earlier didn't. And perhaps you'll suddenly meat someone you're more compatible with.
And perhaps, though don't live towards this, eventually you'll end up together again and live a happy life with her.
But for now, focus on yourself and not her or the relationship that's no more. And also don't think about what she might or might not feel for you.

I don't believe in "the one". But I do believe we were perfect for each other. And I can't imagine anyone who would be more compatible than her. Even when I was in love with other girls, there were things that I would have changed if given the opportunity. With her, the only things I'd change are pretty unrealistic; like her being more tolerant of when I make mistakes. But that's not right. If I do something wrong, she shouldn't just say 'oh well, I love him so it's okay,' because then I might do it again and again. I don't want to make her unhappy.

[Ric]

Yeah, I don't believe in the one either. That's why I put it in quotation marks. :p

Doesn't change any of my poins, though. Perhaps you'll always feel that way. But perhaps you'll need to look at the relationship from a different perspective once you're feelings have lessened. It has been only 2 weeks after all.

[xxazurexx]

I'd be more likely to go NC and if I still had feelings.

If I had no feelings, then no need for NC.

[80r]

Doesn't change any of my poins, though. Perhaps you'll always feel that way. But perhaps you'll need to look at the relationship from a different perspective once you're feelings have lessened. It has been only 2 weeks after all.

Yes, but remember when I said I was practically "cold and calculating"? I don't normally feel anything for anyone. This is practically a cascade of emotion for me. If I were anyone else, I'd be drowning in my own sorrows.