Thoughts on why you should Never Try to Stop someone from leaving a relationship

[BeingAlpha]

So over the years I've been both the dumper and the dumpee a few times and there are a few things that made me realize that trying to stop someone from leaving is just a plain bad idea...so here are my thoughts -- all please add.

1) It won't work -- by the time someone has mustered up the guts to say "I want to break up" they have given it tons and tons of thought and have committed to it in their minds. You can't negotiate feelings, actually doing so is just plain disrespectful. Like if I said to you I feel that chocolate ice-cream with sprinkles is terrible -- its a personal feeling (maybe its a bad example) but you can't logically sway my feelings.

2) You will actually push them further away -- lets just say you get through to that ONE soft spot in their heart that still holds feelings for you -- the other 90% of their heart is just going to feel guilt and people tend to run from things that make them feel guilty.

3) Whining, crying, acting all pitiful etc.. is REALLY unattractive and makes people uncomfortable -- to the point where they don't want to be around it. Have you ever seen your face when you are crying -- its ugly ... haha.

4) You will be always living on edge as to whether or not you are doing the right things vs. getting them close to breaking up with you again.

I say: work on a relationship while you are in it -- but once they say the words "break-up" you are basically doomed as a couple...for the time being -- MAYBE sometime in the future but don't cling to that hope.

Hope everyone is feeling good today -- for the first time in a long time I am.

[Take2]

I totally agree. My ex threatened to leave me 3 years ago. I cried and pleaded and it "worked" in that he came back in body, but his heart was never in the game after that. The second time he said he was leaving, I used logic and he again folded. The third time I said fine, bye. The third time was the smart time. If someone wants out, they want out. Let them go. We all deserve a relationship with someone who actually WANTS to be with us. Why do we fight to keep a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with us?

[xxazurexx]

In the past and when young and stupid, yeah, I've made a fool of myself too. I learned long ago that no matter what you do, what you say, etc....if someone doesn't want to come back they won't.
They have got to want to return themselves.

These days and if they wanted to leave, I wouldn't try to stop them and 'dI let them go. I watched my ex hubby of 10 years walk away and I let him go. I don't believe in fighting for someone and to keep their affections. I'd rather a guy was with me and because he wanted to be with me, not because I made him feel forced, or had to convince him to stay.

If their feelings were ever true and their heart is still in working things out, they will return and of their own accord and without your having to say or do a thing. I say that and because my ex hubby did try to return...and I didn't do a thing. The last ex also returned time and time again....again, I didn't do a thing to bring him back. They returned because they wanted too.