In Love With A Friend

[ryann87]

I'm in love with one of my best friends, I have been for 3 or 4 years now. I really want to tell her how I feel, but I'm not sure how or if I even should. It's geting to the point where it's hard to be around her because I want to tell her so badly. It's also hard because I'm afraid it will start showing to her and everyone else. I have told her in the past that I have feelings for her, well actually not exactly. (This was probably not my brightest idea but...) we had been drinking at her christmas party 3 years ago, everyone left and we talked for hours. I told her I had something I wanted to tell her, but instead of saying anything I leaned in and kissed her. She didn't back away, even seemed receptive to it, and said "wow I didnt expect that, let me think about it for awhile". So we went on talking about other things and we fell asleep in the same bed. I woke up and she wasnt in the room, so i went upstairs and found her sitting on the couch. I sat down and said good morning, we talked for a minute, and then the subject came up. She said she had never really thought of us like that before but after sleeping on the thought, the idea sounded pretty good to her. She and I we're both afraid it would ruin our friendship though, so we decided to think on it awhile longer. Eventually we decided not to persue it because of our friendship. Since then, both she and I have been in serious relationships, both ending within the past 7 months. My feelings are getting stronger for her and I feel like I want and need to say something before another relationship comes along. I'm still afraid of screwing up our friendship, but I'm also afraid that if I don't tell her how I feel, that I might regret it forever and miss out on something amazing. Pleeaasseee help me, I need a womans point of view.

[Nolave]

I think you should go for it.

She seemed receptive a few years ago did she not? Woman tend to keep her romantic opinions on guys solid. To like once is to like forever... well unless the guy does a complete 180 and turns into psychopath, but I am deviating.

You should meet with her in private, whatever feels more comfortable and routine for the both of you, and then bring the subject up! If you keep your feeling bottled up you won't be able to carry on having healthy relationships, because you haven't been properly rejected be her yet! It's always best to face an issue then let it simmer longer if it ever comes to the point that it occupies too much of you thinking time.

[ryann87]

I like the way that sounds. I just cant stop thinking that if I dont tell her, I'll always regret it. I'd love to have a relationship with her, but even if she doesnt want to, I'd be happy to be her friend. Thanks for the advice, I definitley needed that boost of confidence.

[Dan555]

Yeah I'd go for it a soon as soon as you can. If she loved you three years ago she still loves you know, probably even more, since I'd be willing to bet you that her feelings hasve been swelling up just like yours have been.

You two have a pure romance going on, if you told her about what you feel, you could almost 100% be sure that she wouldn't reject you.

A couple of years ago I was in love with this amazing girl that just made me feel like I was god, but I just spent a couple of years with her as friends until we went our different ways. I never saw her again, and now you have no idea how repentful I am of not telling her what I felt. Don't let that happen to you...

[ryann87]

Ya Dan what you said made me realize something I didn't really notice (or at least its possible significance) until now. I had my birthday a couple weeks back and she came, haven't seen her for a few months. She was really really happy to see me. She told me I looked good 2 or 3 times (which shes never really done before), and she kept kissing me on the cheek (which shes never done at all before). I appreciate the encouragement alot man. I decided I'm going to call her within the next couple days and see if she wants to go out for dinner or drinks or something. I NEED to tell her, it's all I can think about now pretty much.

[Nolave]

Ya Dan what you said made me realize something I didn't really notice (or at least its possible significance) until now. I had my birthday a couple weeks back and she came, haven't seen her for a few months. She was really really happy to see me. She told me I looked good 2 or 3 times (which shes never really done before), and she kept kissing me on the cheek (which shes never done at all before). I appreciate the encouragement alot man. I decided I'm going to call her within the next couple days and see if she wants to go out for dinner or drinks or something. I NEED to tell her, it's all I can think about now pretty much.

Good luck man!!! Tell us what went down afterwords!!

[ryann87]

I will! Thanks again! I'm actually trying to figure out right now exactly what I'm going to say to her. Not that easy haha.

[Dan555]

Yeah good luck, and have fun living in heaven when you get her!

[eonbar]

its better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you have.

i.e. tell her Get a pint down your neck first tho for a bit of the old loosey goosey confidence thing. no more than 1 mind!

[ryann87]

Ok I finally told her today It went better than I imagined it would too. Once I told her, the first thing she said was "I'm totally shocked, I didn't expect that at all!" I told her how good it felt to get it out. She said "you've told me before you had feelings for me but then you kind of backed off?" and "are you sure about your feelings, that they're not just there because we've been good friends for so long?". To which I answered, "The reason I backed off is because we thought it might ruin our friendship, plus I was younger and kind of unsure of myself at the time. As for being sure about it, I'm 100%. I know becuase now when we hang out and talk, I feel like theres this new side of it for me, I'm always wondering *what if?*, like I see you in a different way, not just like a friend anymore". She told me she understood completely, and said "I'm so glad you told me this ", quite a few times. Then after it kind of settled in her mind she said "well with me being newly single (she only broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years about a month ago) I have some things I need to sort out in my head, but that being said, whatever is meant to be will be " I told her I hoped I hadn't made things feel awkward for her and she told me "not at all, I'm so glad you could tell me! I'm still really looking forward to our plans next weekend!" (We have plans for her to come over and cook dinner together, have drinks, talk and shes staying the night) I asked her if there was anything she wanted to ask or talk about so everything was in the open, and she said "nope, I'm happy with everything we covered!" Then I told her "I just need you to do me one favor, you have to tell me when the time is (or isnt) right for things to move forward, because I won't know, doable?" and she said "of course" Then we went on making our plans for next weekend until both of us had to go. I feel sooo much better now that I have that off my chest, and I don't think it could have gone much better. Thank you all for your advice and support

[Dan555]

Haha congratulations! Damn I wish we all had the balls to do what you just did...

[ryann87]

The second I got it out, I felt completely relaxed. It seemed like I'd built it up in my mind way too much because it wasnt to hard at all. The feeling of getting it out, outweighs the feeling of nervousness to actually say something.