Ex-Lover Tempting Me While Pregnant

[Maple1714]

I need a male�s advice on this one. I was dating someone for a few months. I fell in love with "Andy". I never told "Andy" how I felt. He knew I cared about him and wanted more from him, but he never knew and still doesn't, the depth of my feelings. After a few months he sat me down and told me he loved spending time with me, but that he just wasn�t ready for a serious long-term relationship. He said he had had his heart broken before we started dating and that he just didn't have it in him to start over yet. Of course, I got upset and chalked the last couple months up to him just wanting to play around and "have his cake and eat it too". I cut everything off. He wasn't getting anything from me if he didn't want to give me the commitment I was looking for. I took it very personal. He broke my heart. We got along perfectly, we had great sex, mutual friends, and had so much fun together...why would he just go and throw that away? Even after I had cut "Andy" off he still tried to contact me at 3am every weekend to come over. He manages a bar and is the head bartender, so he has late nights. I ignored his late night texts and phone calls. It made me even more angry and hurt. Six weeks passed I tried to move on, knowing I was not fully ready. I started to see someone else. The new guy I am seeing is great...he is in love with me and very sweet. I got pregnant. I became pregnant the very first time the new guy and I had sex. I am 4 months pregnant now. When "Andy" found out I was pregnant he thought the baby was his. He called me and asked me to dinner. I explained to him that he didn't need to worry...I was in a new relationship and the baby was not his. He told me he would have taken responsibility for it...whatever that means. I told "Andy" I was glad this baby wasn't his because I wouldn't have wanted to be alone in this. I could tell there was some disappointment on his end. He was really searching for a reason to change his life around and move on from the bar and party scene. I looked at this dinner as closure for both of us. Instead, "Andy" kept pressing the issue of us hanging out again. He said he was available to do anything...dinner...movies...walks...whenever I wanted. I just shrugged it off and left. A month passed and I was curious and bored one day at work and I contacted �Andy�. He jumped at the invitation to see me again. He closed down the bar early and told me he would take me out to dinner anywhere I wanted to go. I met him and we talked for 4 hours. He told me how he hasn't seen or slept with anyone since me. He told me how he loved to sit and talk with me and even though hours had passed it seems like minutes to him. He heavily flirted with me the entire time and specifically asked me to not hide the fact that we were spending time together as "just friends" from my current boyfriend. That was weird I thought. I am still in love with him and I have been so tempted ever since that last encounter to take him up on his offer to hang out. I miss him. I know what the right thing to do is, but my heart keeps telling me to hold on. I don�t understand why he would chase after me now that I am pregnant with someone else�s child? Confused

[Anturo]

Let me get this straight.

You are in a relationship with a guy, even pregnant with his baby.

Yet you are pursuing your ex?

You need to stop. This is not fair to one your boyfriend and two that unborn child, who will be raised in a whirlwind of chaos if you continue.

[Maple1714]

I would never cheat on anyone or cause a whirlwind of drama...lol. I have been honest with my boyfriend about my feelings and my talks with "Andy". I want to know WHY a man would chase after a pregnant women??? Just for the chase itself???

Also, guys...it's actually extremely common for women to pine over their last love while pregnant for the first time. This doesn't mean anything ever comes of it or that that is the intention. Ask around.

[Anturo]

I would never cheat on anyone or cause a whirlwind of drama...lol. I have been honest with my boyfriend about my feelings and my talks with "Andy". I want to know WHY a man would chase after a pregnant women??? Just for the chase itself???

Also, guys...it's actually extremely common for women to pine over their last love while pregnant for the first time. This doesn't mean anything ever comes of it or that that is the intention. Ask around.

Some guys are more attracted to pregnant women. (It’s a fetish)

Some guys, I unfortunately know a few, feel like pregnant women are easy because the "damage is done".

When my wife was pregnant she had no feelings or re-kindling for her ex, why? because she loved me.

Figure yourself out if not for your sake at least for that child’s.

[the_robot]

I'm going to be blunt here.

You got in a rebound relationship with a new guy, using him as a tool to forget the previous guy. You both were stupid enough not to use protection the first time you had sex and you got pregnant. If you have the tiniest spark of honor break up with your actual boyfriend before you cheat on him.

That poor baby shouldn't come to existence in that environment.

[Maple1714]

You both are very right. I was actually on birth control at the time of getting pregnant...and not pills...so it was def. being taken correctly. I guess I am that 1% it messed up on. I might be older than both of you...not sure...but this could be my last chance to have a child and I want this very much. I was using the new guy as a tool to forget the last for sure. It was dumb and irresponsible. Now I have to take responsibility and deal with my actions. It's very difficult to just throw your previous life out the window when an accident (blessing) like this happens. For the sake of this unborn child I will forget the old guy and not talk to him anymore. If he really cared about me as a person he wouldn't talk to me anyway...he would leave me alone. I will try to focus on having a relationship with my child's father, who is a great person and has been more than understanding. If it doesn't work out I will be alone. Thanks!

[Anturo]

You don't have to "be alone".

But focusing on a relationship (IMO the correct one) will be good for you and the baby.

Being older in age doesn’t necessarily make one wise.

I can understand a woman and wanting to make good on her biological clock, yet they should also consider that a baby is more than just themselves.

[Maple1714]

Of course age has nothing to do with wisdom. So much our wisdom is innate, based on life experience, and life circumstance. Women make many (maybe most) decisions based on emotion, not logic. That is why it's nice to get a male's perspective sometimes...you guys base most decisions on logic. That might be better in some cases, maybe not. In my situation logic needs to play a larger role than emotion, and it will in the end.

Do you know the story behind Queen Elizabeth and her Father Henry the Eighth? Henry ruled with his "you know what"....got him into a lot of trouble. He made very poor decisions throughout his life. Elizabeth went down that road only to find she wished to reinvent herself as the virgin queen and become independent of sexual desire. She ruled England for 40 years and those were the most prosperous years under any monarchy/ruler. Life for women who do not have trouble attracting men of all walks into her life can be a challenging balance of emotion and logic. Hopefully, most of the time we make the best decisions we can