I just lost the love of my life - A very unusual situation.

[tmj99]

Steviej: we have discussed an amicable split. The problem is apart from the lack of intimacy we are still good friends. There's no hate or dislike. So we have decided on counseling, I think after 14 years we owe it to each other to try. In some ways she's been remarkably tolerant of my clumsy attempts to find a solution.

Loverboy: I think the depression factors in more in the sense that the depression has been exacerbated my the lack of intimacy. I certainly didn't deliberately set out to improve my mood by finding another person.

Thanks to both of you for your constructive replies.

[steviej]

It sounds like you'll never have the intimacy a relationship needs. I just can't see how the situation will ever make you happy, you have needs and desires which she can't fulfil. How long before another situation occurs like before?

You have to consider your own hapiness, 'staying together for the kids' is all well and good, but not if it leaves you feeling miserable. You can be a good dad to them without staying with your wife.

[bubabalo]

I feel sorry for your situation but I feel even more sorry for your wife. You think that just because your wife knows about your "girlfriend" you didn't break your vows but I disagree. You worry about the "cheating" title a lot and you did everything you could to do not carry this title.

Anyway if you had a intimacy problem with your wife you shouldn't have married her in first place, or you should have finish this marriage sooner. For some reason in the past when you married her you thought this could work out.

Do you think you wife is attractive? Are you sexually attracted to your wife? You don't need to answer those questions to me but ask yourself about it.

I also think the sex/ intimacy problem could be worked with your wife. There are lots of solutions for that and you two could have tried. Did you talk to her about that? Did you try anything as a couple? Sex after 14 years in a marriage do get cold with time. This happens for everyone.


About your girlfreind. What was the plan? Just have sex with her and you too could keep married? For how long?

To me it seems like you are in lust with the girlfriend and she is the one who doesn't want to keep seeing you. Do you think she wanted to divorce her husband and asked you to do the same would you do that?

I think you should really consider divorce from your wife. I don't think you can fix your marriage because you felt ion love with someone else. The kids are importante, I agree, but there are thousands of couples with kids who get divorced everyday. You could see the kids every weekend, spend the summer vacation with the kids, or half of the summer. You sould spend your vacation with your kids. There are lots of divorced couples who manage very well the kids situation.
You could also live half way from you girlfiend and she could do the same but it seem SHE doesn't want to try anything.

Sorry if I was harsh in some points but I think this is good for you to see somethings.