6 years happy then crushed with the I wana take a break

[river152]

6 years happy then crushed with the I wana take a break
I met her at university and weve been together for 6 years. Was very happy till recently. No arguing beyong what is normal- no one cheating on the other just a happy relationship. Been living together for 4 years.

She told me on friday that she doesnt know whether she wants to be with me anymore. So i moved to parents house. She wanted spend a week or two apart and think.

I know there is no one else in the picture 100% when i asked she started to cry and said shed never do that to me. The break was agreed to hold onto relationship rules.

when i asked her if she doesnt love me anymore that night she said she loves me to bits but doesnt know if shes in love with me.

feel pretty crushed atm cant sleep etc feel sick to be honest. Its been 6 days now and we have had little contact. She sent me a text lasnight saying that she is thinking of me and mises me but not ready to talk- iv not initiated any contact as of yet but replied to her message

relly need some advice here no idea what to do- trying to not contact her unless she initiates it and im managing this but other than that i feel that i have no idea what to do.

This is my first proper relationship and so iv never been in this position before and none of my freinds have either

[Incognito]

Damn man. Nothing happens out of the blue like that. She didn't just wake up one day and think to herself "wow, I don't know if I'm still in love with my boyfriend or not". Either this is a feeling that she has been ignoring for a long time because of 'being comfortable' in an established relationship, or.... or there actually IS someone else. Remember with texting and the internet available emotional relationships are easy to start and maintain without anyone being the wiser. Regardless of the reason that she feels the way she does I can empathize with the notion of loving someone, but not being in love with them. It sounds bad no matter how you say it, but is basically losing romantic feelings for someone but retaining the friendship feelings. Maybe you should find out exactly why this came about. If she doesn't want to talk for too much longer you might as well consider it a breakup.

[river152]

hi thaks for your thoughts
yeah i mean she said that shes been feeling this way for a while but been hiding it- like a few weeks- im 100%there is none else as she is incapable of lying to anybody bout anything especially me not even white lies and that. And if there was someone else just theoreticaly then to me that would be the end of it any way as trust would have been broken.

[river152]

so u suggest to not speak untilshe is ready to and then whe we speak address the issue of her feelings for me both romantic and friend terms and see were that leads.

[Incognito]

How much time has she had to be alone and think about this? I believe in giving people their space to sort out their feelings, but anything over two weeks is excessive in my opinion. After about two weeks it might as well be a breakup, but that is just ME personally. If you want to give her more time then by all means do it. Just keep in mind that at some point it starts being less about 'giving someone their space' and more about 'being on standby for them'. No one deserves being on standby with no idea what is going on or what will happen. Once you decide what that defining point is just let her know that her time is up and that she either talks to you or you two are officially broken up.

I'll also note that no matter what you think someone is (or isn't) capable of that you don't ever really know for sure. If someone pursued her either online or in person and she gave into some kind or relationship or continued contact an attachment may have formed. That attachment could make her question what she has with you. If you want REAL answers make sure that you are as calm and nonjudgemental as you can when you finally talk to her. She may be hesitant about telling you specifics if they are embarrassing or particularly damning to her. TRY to reassure her that you just want the truth and that once the truth is out in the open you two can work toward a solution. Once you get her talking about the situation make no mention of a breakup, cheating, another person, nothing..... Just shut your mouth and listen. People are even more honest (even if accidentally) when they cannot feed off of someone else's words. If she asks you a question answer it, but make sure that there isn't even a hint of negativity in your answer unless you know the full situation. If she says "if I tell you this I don't you to hold it against me" and then looks for a response, simply say "all I want is the truth so that we can work through this". See that? You gave an answer that is slightly optimistic, but noncommittal. All of your answers need to seem either neutral or slightly optimistic so that you get the truth. After you have the whole truth you can do whatever you want (forgive and move on, break up, curse, whatever).

I hope this helps you.

[IncognitoSir]

Incognito hit the nail on the head their buddy!

[karl84]

Sorry for you loss.My x and i split after 8yrs caus ei got the same as you.She needed her space and all lala.Well she was going into chat rooms and all that and sending nude pics via text email vid chat and all.