have you even been through nasty breakup?

[curiousmama]

my breakup reason was, my ex choosed making his family happy in a wrong way.

he married this vietnamese girl for making his family happy. It sounds bit confusing but his family coming from very old fashioned asian culture. His parents asked him to marry this girl who is his parents' best childhood buddy's daughter.
he agreed to it in order to do their favor and make them happy. (the time he made this stupid decision, he was brokenheart thinking that would never been in love ever again himself). but his family mislead him that this would be just for greencard marriage for getting her better life , this was actually planned for the real marriage. now his wife moved in the states under his parents roof and working for them.

and he fell in love with me. I found out he had sex with this girl . knowing that just killing me. top of that his family hates me so much because they think im controlling him, Im the one evil thing to ruined this marriage. I couldnt stand all this ****ed up situation.

I always made him decision. basically I had to force him to make decision for our love. he decided to file for divorce. his dad disowned him over this thing.

two nights ago. calls from them. they would accept his divorce but they want him to help this girl out staying in the states. and he said okay.
his excuse for this time was that he wants me to get accepted by his family in the future. If he didnt agree with that , his family would hate me forever.
I resent all this the reason why i want them to divorce was to send her back her country(vietnam).
How i can accept the fact this girl staying with his family who had sex with my man, be loved by his family.
this girl was threating him that if he doesnt get her greencard , she will contest him as an abuser (this is the only way she can stay in the states w/o marriage process ) and this girl knows his family is herside, she sent happy picture with his family while he got disowned by his dad.
I resent that all these , heis sill going to listen to his family and help this girl out. I am so exhausted. all i can see from him as a man who cannot stand up for himself.

so i had to end this thing. now he is emailing me that he wouldnt help this girl to stay in the states.. but... I am not happy with this either....because this breakup leads him to change his mind not himself. thats all i can think this way.


I dont know how i feel about this breakup right now ,. I loved this man so much that i was willing to give up everything for him. strangly ,... i feel more like numb...

Im wondering If you guys ever been in nasty drama or breakup...?

[steviej]

That's quite a complex situation, your ex seems to be bullied by his family despite wanting to be with you. If he's from quite a controlling family then basically asking him to choose between them and you is asking a hell of a lot!

If you want to stay with him a compromise needs to be reached. You can't expect him to ignore his family's wishes, yet obviously he can't stay with the girl. He has agreed to divorce her, this is good! Next step is either her or him moving out. Is he in a position to get his own place?

[curiousmama]

no, that is the one of issues . he got no decent job , no goals for future, and i just cannot stand to see the girl staying with his family and being loved by them. that place is supposed to be for me. not for her..

[steviej]

It's not going to resolve itself then, with no drive or ambition he is relying on his family. They have known this other girl years, you will not replace her, and he won't risk upsetting his family if they are his source of income.