Please help me to get back to my ex

[lavender1350]

Ok. Here's my story.
I'd dated this guy from online dating for 6 months. We had fun everytime we met. No agurments. No fighting. He broke up with me 5 weeks ago with the reason that I pushed him to the edge. That I asked more love than he can give me. 1 week later after the breakup, I created a fake profile online to talk to him. My main purpose is to talk to him. 2 weeks later he asked me out for the drink. We kissed. And we met again a week later. We made out this time. That was on thursday. On Sat, he told me to stop seeing each other because he felt guilty to his new girl. Yes, he's having a rebound relationship. Then on Tues, he found out that fake profile was me. I drove to his house to explain. He got mad and didn't want to hear anything.

I know I screwed up the whole thing. I did have a second chance then I blew it with the fake profile. I love him. And I have the feeling that he's the one for me. Please don't analyze my faults. I admit it. I'm asking for some helps, tips, and advice to be friends again with him. Is guy easy to forget things like that and forgive?

[steviej]

Give him some time to calm down then apologise, explain your actions, tell him how you feel (don't go over the top) then leave him to think about it. It sounds like maybe you came on too strong and pushed him away. You need to make him want you, to do this you need to appear happy, confident and not like you're hung up on him.

This worked the first time, because he was under the impression that he had had no contact with you for two weeks, he missed you and he came after you. Whether it will work again... who knows. But chasing him will push him away.

[lavender1350]

Thanks for your advice. But how long should i wait for him to calm down?

[steviej]

The million dollar question! I wish I knew the answer because this is the situation I'm in right now, how long do I leave it before making contact...

I'd say for the initial apology and explanation, just a few days? Then leave it with him. You said last time he contacted you two or three weeks later, so it's up to you if you wait that long for him. Depends how you feel. I think you should not get your hopes up though, instead prepare for the worst as it seems in a lot of cases it is the end.

[lavender1350]

I did send him the apology and explanation right on that day. And I didn't hear any back from him. I knew there wasn't a chance him coming back. But all I want is a friendship with him and I start from there. Any advice?

[steviej]

You have to wait for him to calm down and contact you. This might be a few weeks, it was last time.

[lavender1350]

I know if i didn't make the first move, he'd never contact me. Everytime I made the first move, he'd follow me. So I can't wait for him to conatct me first because he'll never do it.

[steviej]

Did you not say in your initial post that after you broke up he asked you out for a drink two weeks later?

If you are going to break no contact, only you can judge when. It's easy on a forum for us to say "wait two weeks!" When every hour for you feels like torture.

[Mr. Turtle]

Funny how this would have worked out had the roles been reversed. Give him space and just tell him how you really feel. Men thing logic, women think emotion. So if you put your emotion into logical terms, then it will either work or not. Dont confuse him by putting the pressure on or trying to get him to feel something. That's not the way relationships are supposed to work anyway.

[lavender1350]

So he did contact me last Friday after 10 days of no contact. We had a drink, talked, kissed....... And he said he forgave me and we could be friends. How can friends kiss each other passionately? I can see the feeling is still there. He even said "When I'm with you, I can be myself", "You are the greatest kisser I've ever met" What the heck is on his mind?

[robFord]

I'm going to put this as simply (harshly) as I can. You need to back away. When you try to lie, cheat and scheme your way back into someone's life it usually ends in misery 'cuz

a. the other person might find out and think you're nuts and restraining order worthy =/
b. you bond and re-connect but it's based on lies and games.. and you drive yourself crazy always trying to the next strategy to win.

Objectively, if this guy wants to move on he needs to respect your feelings, see how distraught you are and realize that he's only making things worse by contacting you.

You need to snap outta this, it's not about how much time you need to give him to calm down, but rather how long YOU need to calm down yourself. Take the time to think about what you've done, why you did it. Pretending to be someone else online to trick your ex is not the healthy way of going about things. Think to yourself, "is this the actions of a sane or crazy person?"

If he likes you, the time apart will help and he will come chasing you and if/when that happens you'll be in a better head space to deal with it. GOOD LUCK!

[lavender1350]

I knew I was wrong. So now i back up. And he did ask me out for a drink. It went well. So what should i do next?