Just some Advice please!!!

[elijah121]

So i've posted here previously, long story short, me and my ex broke up in october, acted like everything was fine until janurary meaning we were still broken up but having sex, always together, just like we were a couple. On new years she met this guy and she slept with him ten days later on my birthday, and i officially walked away. She is in all my classes in school, she came to me about a month ago and told me she regrets everything, i said you chose your path in life and i chose mine just learn from your experiences. I haven't spoken to her at all since that, in class i just ignore her, unless she says hi then i reply with hi.

So here it is, In the past month i slept with three women, one two weeks ago, one last thursday, and another one on friday. I find that it is very simple for me to get girls at clubs, at school i get girls coming and talking to me, interested in whatever they are interested in. But for me, i don't know why, but every single day since janurary i thought about my ex, I mean i don't ever want to get back with her because she is very immature, but I miss her. I am not crazily obsessed with her or nothing like that, i am very mature and respectable but, i just can't go one day without her face popping in my mind. I am always busy studying, working out, i finally am in the best shape of my life since we broke up, always with friends, always active doing something. But no matter what, i mean no matter what, i always wonder what she is doing, sometimes i look at our pictures on my computer, thinking about the past.

Is this normal, does this mean that inside my subconscious mind i want her back? any experiences with this? Should i talk to her in school? or should i continue moving on with my life and these thoughts will eventually go away because so far they haven't. And also, for any guys out there, do you find that sleeping with other girls help you get over previous relationships, or does it take finding a girl you can actually be in a relationship to actually fully move on? I mean I ain't ready for a relationship... At all....

[bloodtippedrose]

My past sounds similar to what youre going through:

In hindsight, it took me about a year to recoup from losing my first boyfriend. he had cheated on me and I was in denial so I kept sleeping with him to fill the emotional gap that was created inside me and even though i knew i needed to get away from him cuz just being around him made me sad, I still would torture myself by looking at pics and drawings and crap from him. I ended up moving right after i graduated high school a few states away, and I preoccupied myself with hanging out with my older sister and sleeping with a guy from work, my neighbor etc, but i still thought of my ex all the time and would see things while i was shopping that he would love and small things like that. Finally I said screw it, he hurt me, so I stopped all communication with him completely and got rid of everything that came from him, which helped big time, and soon after i started dating a guy that was even more compatible with me then the ex and now I dont think of being with him AT ALL. Hes like a person I dont know anymore, and I like it that way.

Its now been about four years since I moved and the ex has recently started emailing me again just to talk. Ive found out that his gf that he cheated on me for, had cheated on him. I told him karma is a bitch and that i would not likely forgive him for the hell he put me through, which he apologized and we've both moved on and can talk to each other as if we never shared a past.
I can tell you are fairly mature. I knew it the second I read "you chose your path in life and i chose mine just learn from your experiences" Those are extremely true words and I probably don't have to tell you that you should not take a step back. If the relationship was bad enough to not work the first time, it will never work. You know you can find someone more compatible with you. Someone who's "flaws" are something you adore and not try to ignore or fix. No matter how many chicks you sleep with it takes a lot of time to get rid of the emotions you've shared with your ex, getting rid of gifts shes given you and cutting communications with her (no more text, email, calls or hanging out) will probably help you get over her so much faster.

[elijah121]

Wow. Yea i already cut all ties, the only sad part is that i go five days without seeing her, and then bam, school comes and she is in my clinical group of 15 for nursing, and every other class she Always sits infront of me and my friends. It gives me a minor set back on those two days, just a minor one. I just pray that next semester she doesn't end up in the same block as me, or that will be so unfortunate. My ex ex and I are best friends it's like we never shared an emotional/physical status even though we dated for three years, so for you and your ex, that's good that you talk after four years and i totally understand that you can't forgive him, but in all honesty you have to because you learned from him, you loved from him, you grieved from him, and now you've grown stronger because of that experience. This is why inside, i have forgave her. But thinking about her everyday, i wish it would stop. I guess time heals all wounds.?

[bloodtippedrose]

so for you and your ex, that's good that you talk after four years and i totally understand that you can't forgive him, but in all honesty you have to because you learned from him, you loved from him, you grieved from him, and now you've grown stronger because of that experience. This is why inside, i have forgave her. But thinking about her everyday, i wish it would stop. I guess time heals all wounds.?

Time is key but so is putting yourself in situations where you're not reminded of her. Taking classes together does NOT help lol. But you cant exactly help that.. The only thing you can do is occupy your mind with other things, hobbies, friends, events, and hopefully other women soon. We all go through the same hurting phase after a breakup so it's pretty normal to still have feelings for her even when you know you dont want to be with her, just make sure its not hindering your daily life.

My bf now knows he would never want to be with his ex again, she was overemotional and immature, yet he still wonders how shes doing and sometimes misses her cuz he remembers all the good times they shared (its nice that he can openly tell me these things). I told him to make a mental list of all the reasons why he would NOT want to be with her now, and he brings them up every-time his mind starts wondering, just like I do with my ex and it puts me back in perspective. I learned that from a magazine article on how to get over your ex Sure Im thankful for everything happening the way it did because I DID learn from it! I learned what I want in a man and I learned cheating signs and I learned self-empowerment. I was stronger because of what happened, but Im sure in hell not going to thank him for the experience. If I told him the whole experience made me a better person then he would feel justified in what he did, and no one should feel justified for cheating, if you want to date someone else or if you think the relationship is over then just break up with them you know?! It might hurt both of you that way but it will hurt a hell of a lot less then going behind their back.. Yeah that was my issue though.. for you, you know you did the right thing breaking up with her, you know shes not the one you want to be with forever, so getting back with her would be a waste of time for you both and a double heartbreak when it didnt work out again, dont find excuses to chat with her or hang out with her and if you can, try to mentally change the subject or hurt yourself a bit when you start thinking of her. Trying to be friends with her will only prolong your thoughts about her! Nothing you do though is going to be "instant" sorry to say. I hope you get out of classes with her soon!

[elijah121]

Damn thats good that he is open and honest with you like that. If i was with this girl, i would of heard it..... Well yea i do keep my self occupied, hardly have time to write here with school and all. But this site and people like you make me feel alot better. I ain't ready for a relationship yet, as I am still getting over someone and wouldn't want to put that burden on someone elses life. But yea, i am going to keep my ties cut with her unless she says hi, I will reply with a respectable hi how are you? These other girls haven't helped me get over the situation, sex was just sex with them. I miss the comfort and emotions involved in it, and having that person by your side after. We also have mutual friends and a dinner is coming up because my friend is going back home for a while and my ex is going to be there. That's going to be awkward but i'll play it mad cool... What else can i do? Nothing but be a man. Thanks for your advice though, It's a pick me upper....

[bloodtippedrose]

I came to this site devastated when my first bf cheated on me, and I was surprised at the supportive, humorous and sound advice I got back from this site. On top of (most) all the members being really nice on the forum I was getting PM'd by Mish to keep my cool, I trust Vashti with medical issues as if she were my mother and Illusional always boosted my self esteem by telling me how cute I am Even when I dont post for half a year or so at a time people remember my posts and situations. These people are awesome! So I stuck around.

You have a level head and things to keep you busy so you'll probably get over her sooner than you'd think. And definitely be cordial, just cuz you dont need to be around her does not mean you have to completely burn a bridge.

[elijah121]

Yea i will be cordial, no doubt, that's true i don't need to completely burn a bridge. Just sucks that We were so close and now we don't even talk, i guess that's how relationships are, to get over someone you need space and time away from that person to heal yourself completely before pursuing a friendship i guess. Well such is life. Thanks for your advice. ! I'll keep you posted on situations that occur if any, if that's okay with you.

[T_El]

why in the world u think that having sex with other chicks will help u to forget ur ex???? Relationships and sex is different things in the first place. So first one doesnt cover the second one. But im sure u would forget ur ex if u meet a girl who u not only want to have sex with but also have relationships.....If u only want to meet a new one....cuz honestly i think u are not over ur ex since u think too much about her......
Same shit with me....i broke up with my bf in july last year and met already many other men...but whether they were not that good or smth is wrong with me i cant get my ex out of my mind...though we had fairly not long relations....(( So i hope for someone better come along....cuz this is the only way that helped me to go through every break up
And I think it s important if u get clear with urself what u really want to get her back or not....

[elijah121]

I didn't think i acted. Relationships and sex are different things in all ways. I am obviously not completely over her but i am 100% sure i don't want to get her back. Just like you i think about her everyday plus a bonus for me is i get to see her 3 days a week in class. (sucks) because for every two steps i take forward, i take one back. I want someone special to come along, just not ready for it. maybe when they do, ill pursue what i see valuable and worth committing.

[bloodtippedrose]

why in the world u think that having sex with other chicks will help u to forget ur ex???? Relationships and sex is different things in the first place..

lol I agree that sex and relationships are separate things but oh man I had a casual sex partner after I broke up with one of my ex's and it definitely helped take my mind off the breakup Nothing wrong with a single person having sex with other single people, as long as you're upfront about your intentions and you're using birth control! 3 chicks in two weeks though.. thats.. how the hell did you do that?!!

I'll keep you posted on situations that occur if any, if that's okay with you.

Sweet!

[elijah121]

Well yea it does take your mind off i guess for a little bit, but for me it meant nothing but sex.. No emotions. How did i do three girls in two weeks let me c.... One i went to a club, met this girl, during the mid point of our time there she gave me her keys and told me to drive her home at the end of the night, did that, and then yea. Second one, i knew her from before, met her randomly passing my area and we started talking, couple days later, yea. Third one, met at a lounge, danced a bit, when i was leaving seen her outside, grabbed her and kissed her, she said she has never been kissed like that in her life, and that led to that. The funny thing is Girl #1 said I am not that kind of girl so don't think bad about me, Girl #2 said I am not that kind of girl but she was pursuing a relationship, told her i am not ready, i am doing what i gotta do to become a nurse, and then we'll see what happens, Girl #3 I'm not this type of girl but your just sooo sexy. They all said the same thing!!!!!! WOW! I guess its just a common act of moral justification and self respect? While i was sleeping with girl #3 i realized the condom broke, i never ejaculated, i asked her if she was clean, she said yes she takes that stuff seriously. I also don't play around with that stuff since I am beginning my medical career so yesterday i went to the doctor and got swabbed, urine, and blood taken to be on the safe side. I hope and pray everything is good. .....

[bloodtippedrose]

Your presence turns women into whores eh? Cool that you're studying to become a nurse I know I couldnt deal with that shit. Side note I would be totally depressed if I had sex and the guy didnt cum.

[elijah121]

OMG that's sooo cold. My presence turns women into whores. I'm a nice guy, really nice. I know i just couldn't cum, shit i tried but, wasn't happening. Today i did something kind of immature i guess. I had some money for my ex's dad for some work we did together and i had his sweater he left at my house, i spoke to him in the morning and told him i am going to give it to my ex. Got to school, called my ex so she can put the sweater in her locker because we can't bring stuff into our lab, she said on the phone no, leave it in your car, i am not taking it home. I simply replied it's your dad's clothing and i have some money for him i told him i would give it to you, she replied no bla bla bla acting all ridiculous and immature over a god damned sweater. I told her go **** her self and hung up. Went downstairs for a smoke she walked by, called her, and gave her the sweater, she bitched for like a minute and then i talked to her about school for another minute. She said bye and walked away with attitude. Later when school was done i was outside again having a smoke she walks by to leave and looks at me and doesn't say nothing. So i was like okay, this girl thinks she is the shit, while she was waiting for the bus, there were two girls standing close by, i started talking to them both, just to piss her off, and i walked back into the school with both of them, one of them pretty hot, the other one not at all. Ended up making a connection with them both but mostly the hot one. Asshole movement on my part, but if she wants to be a bitch like that to me for no reason, and think she sits high on a pedastool, I had to show her she isn't the only girl in the world i can get. F My Life, I hate seeing her all the time, wish this semester can just be done.! **** the mutual dinner, i can't stand to be around arrogant immature people. AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

[bloodtippedrose]

Wow there is so much drama in what you just said its ridiculous. Seriously she is acting so juvenile. I can't say what you did wasnt immature as well but i agree sometimes people deserve to be knocked off their pedastool. I mean seriously she should have just taken the sweater out of respect for her dad, its not like taking the sweater from you means swallowing her pride but apparently to her it does. Whatever you do just be upfront with other girls, dont be quiet about your intentions with them because its not right to toy with peoples emotions and it sounds like you get involved with a lot of different women (you've mentioned six in this thread, Ive only slept with 4 people my whole life!). I would suggest you mail the sweater and money to her dad or drop it off and do NOT talk to this chick or her family again. All she does is make you miserable. Thats all she does! Dont look at her in class or when she walks by, dont speak to her, dont try to give her back anything of hers you find in your room, dont talk to her friends about her, nothing. Nothing good comes from her anymore.

[elijah121]

Yea so much drama, i don't agree with what i did either but yea sometimes they really do need to be knocked off. I know she did end up taking it, gave her the rest of the money today also made a joke with her and made her laugh. I do be upfront with other girls, i tell them straight, i ain't looking for a relationship at all, i wouldn't ever lead someone on like that ever. Well yea i have been involved with many women since my break up because i thought that it helps, and also not to lie I am a guy and i am horny. After our transaction, she walked by me, i didn't look at her, didn't talk to her, but with her dad I can't break that connection because we both do renovations and we contact each other for products and we try to help each other out. Like you said it's not worth burning bridges over, and i have a great relationship with her father, he helped me out so much and vice versa and I really want to keep that friendship. LOL, yea i ain't going to give her anything back I ain't like that, that would be just another reason to make situations worst or an excuse to talk to her. I don't talk to her friends about her, but her friend is one of my closest friend also and I do tell her everything. But yea, I'm done with interactions with this child, and I ain't going to sleep with no random girls anymore. It's going to be hard because honestly I am used to having sex on the regular so self control is going to be a task. Blood tipped rose you have a great insight of knowledge and experience and i respect people like you, Thank you for all your great advice. Your BF is a lucky guy make sure he knows that. Oh and those two other girls, I ain't pursuing nothing but friendships.