Memories are a killer, I can't possibly forget her even if I try.

[fivefootfour]

My ex girlfriend broke up with me 4 months ago saying she needs to sort things out in her life and she thought we were losing the spark. This was very sudden as she said she loved me a few days before. I thought she went back to her ex as I found a couple of emails to each other so people advised me to go no contact and I did for 2-3 months until I heard her gran had died. I text her offering my condolences and she thanked me and then she text me on my birthday and sent a couple of messages to each other about our plans for this year. I haven't heard anything again for 3 weeks now although she did unblock me on facebook and it says shes single.

Everyday since the break up she is the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of at night. Constantly throughout the day I'm always being reminded of her, whether its hearing a song on the radio or someone bringing her up. I find I try to avoid places we went together as I went to one place since the break up and I nearly broke down. Today I went on facebook and my friend has posted photos of a holiday destination he's been to that we went to last year and now I feel like crying because of the memories.

When we broke up, she knew I was upset but I don't think she knows i'm still deverstated as I didn't think this would help matters if she did know. I don't know how she feels about me or if she even thinks I'm bothered. Either way my heads such a mess, I miss her so much and I want her back. Any advice on this or how to move on?

[steviej]

How long were you together for? What are your ages?

I'm not confident with my advice here, but it seems you left the no contact too long? After that amount of time she could well have moved on.
It sounds like for your own piece of mind you need to find out for definite. You could try increasing the contact, keeping things easy going and fun, then maybe ask her out for drinks...
You need to come across though as strong and confident, not weak and needy, even if you feel that way!

You also need to prepare yourself that she has moved on and your attempts to get back with her won't work.

[TheBigMan86]

I agree with StevieJ.

I have been advised by people who have been through breakups in the past that even if you do contact her, meet her, have fun with her try to keep the mentality that you are not getting back together this way you wont get your hopes built up too much... And if it happens it happens. I cant take my own advice though.... I try to but then I do something stupid and I go right back to square one. Try and keep it simple to start and see where it goes, try to let her make the first move (romanticaly) if you can hold yourself back!

Just advice I have been given, not personal experience!

[fivefootfour]

Cheers guys. We were together for 1 and a half years, she's 21 and I'm 23. A reason for her breaking up with me was she realised on her 21st birthday that she needed to sort her life out and she broke up with me 10 days later after a few days space. I kind of stopped myself contacting her because I thought she went back to her ex who cheated on her 2 years before she got with me (I felt terrible for doing it but I checked her emails when she split up with me and there was emails saying miss you 2 weeks after we split, she said he was a friend to me). But this may have been just something to fall back on when it ended with me...I don't know but I think she's single at the moment.

If I do contact her, any ideas how to do it? I don't want to fall into the friend category.

[steviej]

I'm at the stage where we have just split, i've given her a few days and now i want to contact her. Similar to your situation in that i need to meet up with her.
I think that to avoid being friend zoned you need to keep the initial contact (text, email, facebook) fairly minimum. What you want to do is meet up with her in person so you can get on your A game, charm her and hopefully get some fun and flirting going on!

[DarkHelmet82]

the problem is if they dont want to meet up with you... thigns dont always work as planned. In fact EVERY time i try and plan something it goes the opposite of how i expect... this is why I dont plan anything and just go with the flow.... I dont assume therefore I am not dissapointed.

[steviej]

Dark, unfortunately you are right, as no doubt I will find out tomorrow when I break the no contact...

[fivefootfour]

A week is quite soon steviej and the dust may not have settled. Although I'm probably completely wrong because womans minds are impossible to work out. Just take it slowly and making out your getting on fine is suppose to work (this is what peoples told me). I hope we can all work things out for the best.

I'm probably the same as you dark and I will probably mess up but I like your mindset so you don't get disappointment.

Let me know how it goes steviej, I need inspiration!

[steviej]

I broke the no contact early yesterday morning, just a simple message asking if she was ok and ready to talk.

As expected, no reply.

I thought, well nothing to lose now, so wrote her a very long message explaining that i'd figured out why she'd just left like that, i understood and told her if we never got back together i have no regrets. The time spent with her was the best ever and i'll wait for her but only if she lets me know what's going on.
(That what the gist of it, i went into a lot of detail)
I get a reply back within the hour!
Turns out my guesswork why was spot on, she was sorry, loves me etc she has to deal with these issues and needs a couple of days and she promises to be in touch. Apparently my message reduced her to tears in uni. (Emotion - GOOD!)

I feel loads better. Even if i never see her again. Reason being that i now know i have done everything possible. I don't have any nagging voice saying 'should do this, should do that!' I've given it my best shot, i have my reason why she broke up and i can live with that. Sounds weird i know.

So, back to the waiting game...!

[DarkHelmet82]

steve dont cling onto hope becuse it will just end up screwing you in the end trust me man...

[steviej]

I know what you're saying, but since getting my 'why' answered, i feel so much more calmer. I'm back in control, i'm eating and sleeping better. I feel like i have done everything i can, and i'm happy about that. I have no more nagging voices.

If she decides not to meet up or try again i'll be gutted, but i won't be the wreck i was a few days ago.

It's helping as well the fact i've just moved house, getting to know new housemates etc. Change is good!

[hello1]

To be honest she is young and properly thinking she wants to be a free bird