abandonment....with no answers...how do i deal?

[mandy77]

my common law husband and i were happy, or so i thought. our lives extremely intertwind, always happy, never running out of thing to say. he was my best friend, we did everything together. he helped me study for exams, and i went to all his hockey games(he was a goalie). we had a wonderful christmas together, filled with friends family and his kids and mine, i cried on christmas morning, as i was so touched and soiled by him. everyone loved him, even my mother....

back in october we had had a misscarrage, it was hard on us both eventho it was unplanned in the first place. it was something we had our hearts set on. so from there we planned to try again, just wanted to wait till i was closer to graduating, we figured from now till june we would start trying....

5 weeks ago, i got up on a monday morning, and he helped me get ready for an exam i had that day as always, he quized me....i got ready for school, he walked me out to my car and kissed me good bye, said i love you, and wished me luck on my exam.....when i returned home my kids were in awe, as they tried to break it to me as best they could before i got in the door, that he and all of his stuff are gone. he left a letter, and thats it. i haven't heard a thing since.....no call no e-mail, nothing.

i feel like he died, as i am left with no answers, just grief. panic attacks and daily melt downs is part of the daily grind....i fell like i am still trapped reliving that same day over and over......i am drownding and don't know how to escape the thoughts, i have school that i need to focus on, and i am unable to...

i need help to cope.....i can't do it alone anymore.....

[smackie9]

Your school has counselors, plz go make an appointment to see one. Also see if the dean or school administrator can suspend your classes for a few weeks or til next semester to get yourself in order.

[smackie9]

curious what was in the letter?

[mandy77]

he said he was acoward for doing this way and that he was entering into a grief program to deal with depression(from loss of step son 4 years ago)....we know already he is well, cuz we know he is back to work...

[Regnent]

Work doesn't require any serious emotional commitment. I'm not excusing his course of action, but don't dismiss something because someone is going through the steps of day to day life.

I agree with smackie, you have kids, and are currently in the middle of school, a counselor is probably your best bet for the short term ability to cope. Last thing you need is to fall into a negative cycle because you are having trouble coping with something that hurts.

[mandy77]

ya i know i need to pull my head out of my ass, however it's easier said than done........i would like to get in touch with other who have been through this.....best counselors on earth! lol

[steviej]

Mandy your story is really sad, i have some idea what it feels like (my story is on here) as my girlfriend did something very similar only it was by text message. It's been 4 days now, and the pain is terrible. I've only been able to cope by having friends come round in the evenings after work, this is when i would normally spend the most time with her and i find her absence absolutely crushing.

The lack of answers is horrible, your mind plays through so many scenarios about what might have gone on, you feel like all you want to do is talk to them, convince them it's ok and get them back.
Not being able to eat, sleep and think about anything else is normal, personally i find it worse than when family members have died!

Every situation is different, his depression may have caused him to act irrationally and a bit of time apart may make him regret what he has done and he'll come back, or you might never see him again, there is no way of knowing. It is literally taking it one hour at a time and slowly picking up the pieces and getting on with everyday life, just for the sake of the kids at first, then slowly things will begin to get better.
I find that it comes and goes in waves, the hurt and missing them is sometimes too much, feelings of anxiety, stress, adrenaline. Other times it's a bit easier and you think you can get through it.
Read through through other stories on here, have plenty of friends round, go out as much as you can, anything to take your mind off it for a little while really helps.

[parkertammy2010]

Im sorry Mandy......I just had school exams as well and it was hard to focus. Just do the best you can.

[Love&Life]

This make me so scared...how can people be like this??? I wish you all the strength, Mandy. Yes, he certainly is a coward, no doubt.

[smackie9]

Finding out why may give you closure, but sometimes finding out the real truth will give you even more grief.

[xxazurexx]

Sounds like a gutless coward to me who is afraid to be honest about what's really going on.

You havn't heard the truth IMO.

Men don't just pack up, fck off and leave a home and for no reason.

When mine did that, he was going to another woman, although he'd tried to have me believe, he was leaving and to sort out his head....LOL , but then he'd confessed and when I told him not to insult my intelligence, or take me for a fool....

How long were you with this guy?? From the way you describe Christmas, sounds like it was your first christmas together?...am I right?

[mandy77]

it was our first real christmas living together as a family, he moved in with us last april...

[mandy77]

it's now been almost 8 weeks....he e-mailed me on my birthday last sunday, to tell me he will return some of my stuff he has and said he hoped i have a good b-day....wow did that ever f#$% with my head, silent for so long and then an e-mail, on that day of all days. really? someone told me something that helped me, and it may help you too.....if they are stupid enough to walk away, be smart enough to let them go.....easier said than done i know....

[MerryH]

he e-mailed me on my birthday last sunday,

What a dick. Seriously, who emails someone on their birthday after having walked out on them in such a callous way. Who does that? Ugh.

Sorry that happened to you.

[smackie9]

What a dick. Seriously, who emails someone on their birthday after having walked out on them in such a callous way. Who does that? Ugh.

Sorry that happened to you.

ya I agree.....what a dick...