So what in the world am i Supposed to do!?!

[SwtEPye86]

It's a complicated situation, so I'll try to make it as brief as possible. Last Feb I met & began dating a man. The relationship became very intense very quickly with us spending every minute together. It was a difficult time in his life (he was going through a bitter custody battle of his 3 small children with his ex & at the same time lost his job) I was there every step of the way, through unemployment, legal issues, financial issues. But during all of this he (understandably) kept saying that he wasn't ready for a relationship & that we need to just be friends...even introducing me to his family & everyone as his "homegirl"...but at the same time....we ACTED as if we were in a relationship (The amount of time we spent together, the level of intimacy, etc...so there were many mixed signals) Fast forward to Dec & we got pregnant (unplanned). It also unfortunately coincided w/the timing of me telling him that I didn't want us to be physically intimate anymore, if we couldn't be in a relationship bcuz I needed a title & boundaries or that we need to just focus on being the best of friends (bcuz in my opinion the relationship got too sexually motivated...seemed like that's all we did & it was always at his request (demand) & if i ever turned him down he made it seem like I didn't love him just because I said No, not in the mood.)Anyway, After going through a week or so of very hurtful comments towards me & the baby I thought he reached a point of acceptance.But then he would STILL continue to make sexual advances! (each of which i've always turned down because I was trying to change the focus of our friendship). So even now, he continues to make advances, i turn him down. but the thing is, he's the father of my child & I'm in love with his other children (& them with me), so I try to keep things as friendly between us as possible becuz I see how he interacts with his ex-wife & i DONT want that to be us! I'm already stressed dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, the last thing I need is a tense co-parenting relationship.But it's awkward & stressful trying to hang out with someone platonically when they are just trying to bang u.

But I do still love him. I do. At times I still want us to be together, how things were before & I didn't realize until about an hour ago after a series of texts he sent me that it hurt him so much everytime I turn him down for sex. That was never my intention & I thought that just cutting out the sex wouldn't be that big of a deal bcuz we would still have the most important thing, our friendship! But he sees it as kicking him to the curb. The thing is, I don't know if i can be in a relationship w/him anymore (because of other issues...insecurity...trust...control, etc). & I don't want to fall back into that "friends w/benefits but really in a relationship gray area" like we were before! & i've also decided to become celibate & sex is very important to him & i know he wouldn't go for that.

So i'm confused. All of my friends hate him bcuz of how he acted toward me earlier in my pregnancy & because they think he used me during our relationship. So i'm torn between what my head thinks it should do (continue to stand my ground, & hope that we'll be able 2 move on for the sake of all 4 kids involved), what my heart feels (just go ahead & be with him & give ur baby a chance @ a real family, & make him happy), what my friends think (leave him bcuz he's an a*****e, & what I think is pleasing to God (to remain sexually pure until I decide to get married)

help?

[Yet another guy]

Woah, you both seem terrible people to be with. I'll start by observing your relationship ignoring that you are preagnant.
I wouldn't blame him if he dumped you because of a sudden decicion of "celibacy". Then again, that's what he gets for being with a religious nut. He knew about that, right?
On the other hand I wouldn't blame you for dumping him for not going forward with your relationship despite being together so long and even intimate. It may be understandable though if he has commitment issues because of his - seemingly painful - divorce.

If this was all, I would simply have adviced you to dump him since he can't commit and your celibacy only makes things worse. But your pregnancy makes things hell of a lot more complicated of course. Your man is probably going into panic for being trapped by a baby into a relationship that has suddenly turned for much worse. You should of course think of the baby first and foremost but I really don't know if it's better for you to take care of it by yourself or with him in a bad relationship.

[Love&Life]

.....oef...

It is a very emtional situation... and I can kind of relate to you. Except in my case there were no children and pregnancy involved...
I think it was not a very good timing to get involved in an other relationship, for him yes, he needed someone who'd support him in his messy life. And you were like being sent by an angel.
My ex had had a lonely period when we met. And he needed me. He had no job, no home, was in this transitional phase, and I was there, first there was a passionate relationship, later I was someone he could lean on. He took and took, and didn't give anything in return. Now I read you story and I thought for a moment: A baby... how would I feel when I was pregnant...? How do you feel about being a mom?

If I were you, I would do my best to concentrate on you and the baby. The two of you are inseperable now, and the baby needs you more than your ex. What your ex wants, is that clear? There are so many things going on in his life, that he has to clear out first the situation he is in. Maybe a certain distance is appropriate (not seeing each other too often, no romantic stuff) to cool off, to see things more clear.
I do understand you that you want to be one big happy family with the other children, but I am not sure if this should have your priority. You and baby first, and the rest will sort out itself.
Just be respectful to each other and don't do things you really don't want to. If you don't want to have sex with him, yeah... maybe he feels turned down. But in this case it is NOT about him! It is about what is good for YOU and the baby! If he can't understand that you need it to make things clear and secure for you and your unborn, then he is big fat selfish baby himself.

You and your baby are number 1, ok?

[Horseyguy]

...... & what I think is pleasing to God (to remain sexually pure until I decide to get married)

What the .... What does that even mean?

You were in a sexual relationship with this guy and fell pregnant, how do you go from that to thinking you should now be sexually pure until you get married because that's pleasing to god??????

Well the situation isn't good is it? at the end of the day I guess there is no point staying with him if that's not what you want.

No point getting into the rest of it, I just feel sad for the baby

[MerryH]

He sounds like a big baby. He doesn't want you to be his girlfriend, yet he feels all hurt and rejected that you (his "friend") are now turning down sex. He's not entitled to sex from a friend. A rational person would understand why you don't want to sleep with him anymore. He should be able to understand that, too.

I think the best thing for you to do would be to not see him for a while. If you're doing the same routine as before, then you're still doing that weird relationship thing you've been doing in the past, except now there's no sex. Cut contact for a while, I guess just give him updates on the doctor's appointments and all that and let him know when your baby is about to drop so he can be there for it, but it's probably best if you do the single mom thing for a while. You'll find someone better eventually, because that dude really does sound like an asshole.