*Sigh* please give advice

[Mimi_B]

My ex and I broke up back in July 2010, after the break up however we continued to see each other.
I was devastated and extremely hurt, I didn't know how to let go because I was very much in love with him.
Today I am still in love with him but I learned to live with the hurt and the fact that him and I will most likely never be.

Anyways, like I said before we continued to see each other after we broke up. I know that he was also seeing other people but it didn't bother me because we were broken up and he had very right to do what he wants. I on the other hand I only continued to see him. Well now I'm almost three months pregnant with his child, I got pregnant recently and we are not still not together. I did tell him I was pregnant when I found out. The baby is his because I was only with him, I'm pretty sure he knows that and he doesn't thought that.

However, he did tell me that he was going to be there for the child. That's all I expected from him, and it's all I really wanted. But his attitude towards the situation has been very nonchalant and hostile. I feel like a doesn't care about this baby and he'll be happier if he wasn't in the picture. So I ended up telling him to stay away. I know he's not ready and this was very unexpected surprise for the both of us. I told him to stay away with the intentions that he will come around on his own, when he is ready. It just really hurts me that he would walk away from his child.

Questions . . .
I just don't know what to do if he contacts me, I don't if I should respond. Should I give the chance to be there?
I'm afraid he will leave my child later on. I also don't want him dating around my child. But I just don't know how I should respond to him, should I be cold towards him? I'm just very confused.

[Queentee]

OK U DEFINITELY GOT IT BAD.I THINK THE ONLY REASON YOU GOT PREGNANT IS THE FACT THAT U WANTED HIM TO BE BACK IN YOUR LIFE ?YOU THOUGHT THE CHILD WILL BRING YOU BK 2GETHA?RIGHT? IF THAT IS THE CASE THEN SORRY TO HEAR THAT ,HOWEVER ITS VERY MUCH NORMAL FOR BOYS TO BE HAVING THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOUR ESPECIALLY WHEN ITS HIS 1ST CHILD.U DIDNT MENTION YOUR AGE OR HIS .IF HES A YOUNG GUY MAYBE UNDER 23 ITS NORMAL .WHEN YOU ARE ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH THATS WHEN HES GONNA START ACCEPTING THAT HE CREATED A LIFE AND HE WILL HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF IT .DONT WORRY IVE SEEN IT MANY TIMES .WHEN REALITY HITS HE WILL WANT TO BE THERE FOR THE BABY .IF HE DOESNT THEN BE YOUR BABYS MUM AND DAD OK?YOU MADE A BIG MISTAKE .I KNOW LOVE IS HARD TO WALK AWAY FROM BUT MAYBE U DID THIS FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS BUT ITS NOT YOUR FAULT .IT TAKES 2 .gd luck

[xxazurexx]

^^^I'm inclined to agree. She got pregnant deliberately and to try and trap this guy and thinking she'd trap him.

Despite he ended the relationship, he didn't force you to have sex. You 'chose' and to continue to have sex with him. Not only that, but stupidly managed (or planned), to get yourself pregnant and KNOWING he didn't want to be in a relationship with you and he's seeing other females.

You talk as if you'd expected that he'd miraculously want to be with you and because you are pregnant...that a baby would change everything.

Sorry love, doesn't work that way and you have brought this upon yourself.

The guy owes YOU nothing and you can't force someone to be a part of YOUR life and if they don't want to be.

The only obligation he has, is to the child, in that he should pay child support and after it's born,

Prepare for a life as a 'single' mother.

[Mimi_B]

Thanks for the advice it's Queentee appreciated.

Well it was never my intentions to become pregnant, I was on the pill so when I found out that I was, I was completely stunned and confused. My doctor said it happens, and I guess it does because it happened to me, obviously nothing is ever 100%.
I didn't get pregnant on purpose it really was an accident and about 3-4 weeks before I found out I was pregnant I was starting to cut all ties with him. I had actually stop speaking to him as well. I had already been seeing him less and less and I had decided that I was ready to move on. Now I found out that I was pregnant and I decided to keep this baby for me because I believed in my heart it was the right thing to do for me. I'm not doing this to get him, in all honesty I really have no hope for a relationship between me and him, he really hurt me and I already have forgiven him for that and I have realized I am a lot happier without being with him in a relationship.

By the way he's 26 years old and I'm 20, I can take of my child on my own, I live in a good environment and I can provide for my child without him. But now he has walked out on his child and I don't know if that is something that I can ever forgive him for. I can handle him trying to hurt me because he can't hurt me anymore, but the fact that he's trying to hurt his child is just beyond me.

I understand this was a surprise for him, it was for me as well but he's a grown man and I think he could of handle the situation a lot better.
In my opinion I feel like my child and I will be better off without him, but I just can't keep my baby from their father. I'm not going to be a bad mother and hurt my child because I'm going to love that child more than life itself.

I just don't know if or when he decides to come be in this child's life if I should let him because he already turned his back on this child, he didn't do it to me, and if he did it once he could do it again. I don't trust him now, and I can't have him coming and leaving the child's life when he pleases. It just doesn't work that way. It's either he will be there or he won't.

[Mimi_B]

@ xxazurexx

Actually you are completely wrong. I did not plan this and I did not expect him to be with me again and even if he did I don't want to be with him.
I have realized that I am happy without.

You obviously don't know me and you don't know the entire story.
I don't need anything from him not money for me or my child, not his time or him emotionally.
The only thing that I wanted was for him to be there for his child nothing more, nothing less.
I am a strong enough and independent woman honey, I don't need no man to hold me down.
I'm not some ignorant teenager that got pregnant to trap a man and started planning a wedding.
But this was an unexpected situation and guess what I know I can handle it on my own.

So sorry to burst your bubble honey but not all women are ignorant and not all single mothers are bad, I've actually met some great ones.
So next time if you want to say something in a negative way watch how you say it because the way you gave your advice was rude and unnecessary.

[xxazurexx]

^^^I'm 35 years old ....I know how young girls desperate to hang onto a man can operate, seen it happen too many times LOVE and you can't fool me.

Men are not obligated to stay with you and because you willingly open your legs and then get pregnant. It is RARE that women fall pregnant on the pill and it is 99.9% accurate and if you are taking it correctly.

You shouldn't have been so stupid in the first place and have sex with a guy who really didn't want you it appears, other than for sex.

When a man doesn't want you, a baby won't bring him back and he won't be interested in a baby either.

It ain't my bubble you burst....more like your own.

And I didn't mention single mothers being bad...so quit putting words in my mouth

If you didn't like what I had to say....tough shit.

When you post on forums you are opening yourself to things you may want to hear and things you may not.

[Mimi_B]

Lol you sound very ignorant for a 35 year old.
You also sound very bitter and like maybe the situation you are describing is what you have done, and if you have I feel extremely sorry for you.
But I know what I have done and what I haven't I have a clear conscious honey, did nothing wrong. Things happen, that's life.
And I am old enough and mature enough to take care of my responsibilities.
And it's really sad when women down grade themselves for a man, I haven't and never will.
Like I said before you don't know the entire story and it's ignorant people like you that categorize people because of the situation they have been in. It's called stereotyping.
Now because some women are that crazy to make such a thing happen for a man to stay with them doesn't mean they ALL do it!

[IncognitoSir]

I still can't understand why people get so pissed off when THEY came HERE for advice. Don't hear what they want to hear and get mad about it. xxazurexx is right, you had unprotected sex with a guy YOU knew didn't want to be with you. Now you're pregnant. She wasn't being mean, that's the truth! You reap what you sow. You tell him to stay away (in hopes that he'll come around on his on.......then you come here and ask what to do if he comes around? You're playing games with him. Not only him, but your child. I think it's selfish of you to take out your anger with him like this, it's going to hurt your child in the end. Why remove the father before he's actually given you a reason too. He's the kids father, not your lover.

[Queentee]

Well i gues if its 1st child its bound to happen.Im also 20 nd have a friend who was in the similar situation.I kinda dont see what this guy did though .He did say he will be there for the child the child is not born yet so he dont need to be in the picture right now .i gues what you really tryna say is that .U still want him to be there for you emotionally.He cant be there though because you are not 2getha. Your emotions are probably whats making you angry bcoz u r carrying his child u expect him to be there,I guess u jus have to wait till the child is born and see what happens .

[Mimi_B]

^ Look read everything before you comment. The comment before said the same thing but in a respectful way okay.
You also didn't read everything I said, I said he doesn't care and he doesn't want to be there but that he will be.
Now I'm not going to force this on him because I wasn't suppose to get pregnant on the pill.
Also explain to me how keeping him away from child if he doesn't care is going to hurt my child?
To me that is protecting my child from getting hurt every time he/she is disappointed by their father correct, because if he left once he can definitely do it again.
I don't know how many times I need to say I don't want anything from but to be there for his child . . .
I did not get upset at what she said but how she said it and like i said before just be some women do that shit it doesnt all of them do!!

[xxazurexx]

Lol you sound very ignorant for a 35 year old.
You also sound very bitter and like maybe the situation you are describing is what you have done, and if you have I feel extremely sorry for you.

No love....I was married BEFORE I had my child

Keep your pity for yourself

[Mimi_B]

@ Queentee

I don't need him there, but he kept texting and calling to know how things were and wanting to see me.
So I told him to just stay away now, because like I said I'm not using this baby to get him back,
If i were I wouldnt be telling him to stay away.
I just don't know what to do when it comes to him contacting me about the baby because he then eventually changes it to me.
I'm really happy I'm on my own, and I'm excited about my baby now, I wasn't before but things change.
I just don't understand why he needs to contact me if he said he doesnt care get it?
Its not me who is trying to get him to be there, I mean I do but once the baby is born but even then I know i wont need him, but i wont deny him his child, unless he ****s up.

[Mimi_B]

@ xxazurexx

lol okay well good for you, not that a piece paper means shit now a days,
I think divorce rates and cheating rates are higher than anything else in this world.

Beside I don't believe signing a piece of paper means you're happy with someone and love them.
If the love is there than is there, no piece of paper is needed to prove that. =)

But I don't have any pity for myself, because I'm not all those other women you apparently know, there are women out there like that and I'm not one of them.

[IncognitoSir]

Would you not agree that it's better for your child to know his/her father. you have absolutely NO idea how the guy would treat the kid, probably A LOT better than he's ever treated you. It's going to hurt your child because he/she will be missing a parent. There's a lot a man can bring to the table when it comes to raising a child, yeah I know, single parents all over the world, thats doest mean you're still not selling your kid short by denying him/her to know their father. There's lots of great fathers out there that weren't ready for a kid when they got one........

[xxazurexx]

I mean I do but once the baby is born but even then I know i wont need him, but i wont deny him his child, unless he ****s up.

You will deny him the child if he f**ks up?? More like if things don't go YOUR way you mean....

He has rights, you can't stop him seeing the child and whenever he does something that pisses you off. That is called 'emotional blackmail'....

Unless of course it would be something 'serious', as in the baby is in danger by being in his presence.