Am I doing the right thing????

[fridaysignguy_1]

I could really use some advice... I have no idea how to handle myself here...
Sorry for the lengthy post...

My girlfriend and I have been together about half a year. We're both in our 40's and we feel very lucky to have found each other.

The problem started when I got a really big job in my business and asked her if she wanted to help out. I was going through a depression at the time and as a result I was neglecting much of my responsibilities. She was growing increasingly frustrated watching me have such a seemingly laid back attitude. I told her this has happened to me before but it will be short lived. I told her I will be back to "normal" in no time and to look at what I have done in the past to see how I am.

However the stress was too much on us and we ended up breaking up. But being in love, we had a very difficult time being apart and wanted to be together. We had many phone conversations and determined that in order to make it work it would require a lot of hard work; we were ready for it. We decided that we would get together last Friday for a sleepover.

However before Friday came, in conversation she asked me how "that job" was coming along. When she brought that up I felt this horrible flood of insecurity come over me. That experience left me feeling like I was a "loser" and that my girlfriend and I broke up "because I am such a loser". I know this isn't actually true, but the thoughts struck me hard. I asked her not to talk about the job until it was completed--probably another two weeks. She rebutted saying that couples need to talk about everything. I agreed that she was right but until the job is actually completed I really can't talk about it as it very difficult for me. After a lot of debate she agreed not to bring it up on Friday. I asked her a simple question: "do you promise?". She protested saying she won't make any promises as she might "slip". At this point, this whole thing took on a life of its own...

I was greatly distrubed that she didn't want to make an actual promise. So I asked her what the problem was. She told me that I have really "rubbed it in her face" about another promise she once broke and doesn't want that to happen again. I told her that if I "rubbed it in her face" I am sorry. Yet she still refused to promise saying that she could "slip". I told her that a "slip" is not really breaking a promise but I still needed that promise as this is my greatest insecurity and it really stresses me. She still refused. She said the best she can do is try her very best in not bringing up the subject on Friday and that if she does "slip" all I have to do is give her a "look" and she will shut up. I thought to myself that that is fine but what is the problem with the simple promise?

This escalated to the point where we didn't get together on last Friday... And I really think it's over for us. The problem I'm having is that in the evening on Friday she sent me various texts saying "you threw away our relationship", "I am damaged beyond repair", "you only think of yourself", etc... I really do not feel that I did anything wrong but with these messages I can't help but wonder if I did...

Does anyone have any advice they can give????? If I am in the wrong I would like to apologize. However, I really can't talk about that project till it is completed.

Thanks in advance...

[steviej]

Did you explain to her how stressed out work makes you feel? It seems this whole thing is a big communication issue.
Lets assume you get through this, what would stop this happening again the next time you get lumbered with a big job? You need to sort your work stress which is having a direct effect on your relationship.
Most importantly, you need to let her know what is going on in your head and how you're going to fix it.

[girl68]

I think you did a lot wrong.

You're refusing to talk about one of the single biggest issues "THE JOB" whatever that means. You refuse to explain why it's so hard, causes you so much drama and insecurity. What's she supposed to think? No big deal? I don't think so.

Your relationship drastically lacks the single biggest component, communication. It really isn't any surprise you're down in the dumps.

The only chance you have is start talking buddy.

[IncognitoSir]

It actually sounds pretty ridiculous......you missed out on a night with your ex to try to fix your relationship and probably some awesome make-up sex too! All because she refused to promise not to talk about your job??????? She said she wouldn't talk about and to give her a look if she slips and "she said she'll shut-up". Why would you need more than that? You were indeed wrong. This is why we have significant others, to talk about all these weird and crazy insecurities and things that bother us. If you can't talk to her about it, who can you talk to about it? She probably thinks you don't trust her. Now you need to go apologize and try to save your relationship if it means anything to you.