Help me Make My husband Want me again!

[kidababe]

I've been married for almost nine years. We have four children. We both just recently lost a lot of weight and are looking the best we've looked since we were married. I am the only one in the relationship that instigates sex. I want it frequently throughout the week and I really want my husband to instigate. I decided I would tell him, then not instigate until he chose too. I told him how I felt over a week ago and he still hasn't instigated. Am I expecting too much? Too often?

I take care of mself and try to look and smell nice for him, but he doesn't seem attracted. What else should I do?

[sweetkissesforu]

try some lingerie it will help weekend away for 2

[kidababe]

I know lingerie is a dead giveaway to tell someone your ready to make love and it would get his attention, but I have no money. Also I have very little self esteem because he never instigates.

[HeartIsAching]

Nine years married with four kids? Is he over 40? I'm betting that if he is, it's simply a matter of libido. If that's the case, have him talk to his doctor. If not... I don't know. Get a sitter and greet him wearing a saran wrap bikini?

[HeartIsAching]

I have very little self esteem because he never instigates.

This is co-dependent behavior, BTW. Your self esteem should not be dependent on him.

[queenslandspida]

maybe watch some porn together...this gets every mans rocks off!! and apparently women get of it alot too!!

on the other hand maybe he is the one with anxiety or sexual probs...losing so much weight, maybe he has lost some of his identity, is he happy with himself? can he get it up? im not joking, these could be things he is facing!

porn works!

[kidababe]

We are both 29, both graduated college, I'm the stay at home mom, he's the bread winner. saran wrap bikini sounds doable, and cheap too. thanks

[kidababe]

I'm kinda anti porn. Shouldn't I be enough? He's enough for me. I just don't understand him needing more than what's right in front of him. If it takes extreme measures for him to get turned on , then is he even attracted to me anymore. He verbally says he is, but doesn't show it.

True about my self esteem. Thanks for the reminder.

[HeartIsAching]

We are both 29, both graduated college, I'm the stay at home mom, he's the bread winner. saran wrap bikini sounds doable, and cheap too. thanks

A trench coat or rain coat with nothing on underneath works too - pick him up at work like that.

[MrE]

Your husband may be battling the same thing I am currently. It's hard to say this because nobody wants to hear it, but the reason I don't have sex with my wife so much is because I'm quite simply not feeling that spark anymore. I'm just not into it. It took me forever to build up the courage to tell this to my wife, though she suspected it over time. He will definitely not admit this to you if you bring it up, he doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

If you try new and dangerous things with him, it could be possible that the spark is re-kindled for a time. I would try this first. Maybe do some role-playing, or try something new and unexpected.

I hope it's not the case with you, but guys are extremely sexual creatures that are easily stimulated and most are extremely easy to turn on when the right buttons are pressed. If he doesn't want to have sex with you then he might be getting bored of the relationship. I suppose it could be stress, or something else. If this continues on then I might seek a couselor.

[kidababe]

I know I need to talk to him again. I guess I just don't know the right way to say it. I feel the spark. I guess I just hope he does too. I tried role-playing and he wasn't into it. I just don't know what to do, and thanks for your input.

[MrE]

I'm kinda anti porn. Shouldn't I be enough? He's enough for me. I just don't understand him needing more than what's right in front of him

This is actually a problem. Guys think differently than girls. Girls tend to wrap up emotions with sexual behavior whereas many guys have this deep bult-in instinct to want to boink everything they find attractive. A lot of guys use porn as an outlet. Married guys that look at porn often use it as a way to cope with the fact that they are now forced to have sex with a single person their whole life. That's not easy for many guys to deal with. Whether you like it or not, your man is always on the prowl. He is probably judging every hot girl he sees, he is probably talking behind your back with his buddies, discussing all the hotties he'd just love to have sex with. This is ingrained in us, we cannot control that - there is no off switch for that. It may piss you off, but it's just fact and you have to deal with it. Guys have an instinct, which can't be battled with reason. By forcing him to not watch porn you are trying to shut that part down so he focuses on you but instead he is probably going nuts, or watching it in secret and this could be part of the problem you are having.

Ideally for a woman, the guy will only think of you, only want to see your body, only want to have sex with you - but in the real world that's just not the case with most guys.

[kidababe]

I have sexual need too. Now and then guys catch my eye and have to stop myself from having a fantasy. I get people asking me for my number and looks from across the room. I guess I just find in disrespectful to give in to any urges. When I start to feel hot about someone other than my husband, then I walk away, look away, run away. I do get what your saying. Looking at porn turns me on too, women will never admit it so they can keep control but some of us our sexual beasts as well. I just choose not to look at porn because its disrespectful to my husband. When I'm at home alone while he's at work and I start to get hot I turn off the computer, go workout, or go for a run. I save all the energy build up for my husband when he gets home. Women need to utilize self control too.

[Kaius]

4 kids and 9 years. That's a lot of burden for a man. I know. Stress and exhaustion will kill a man's libido. Also, at 29 with 4 kids and a wife, he's probably thinking what he's missing out on in life.
Sounds like he is unhappy for some reason. Forget all those fetishy things to steam up your sex life. What your man needs is good meals and lots of rest. Sex desire will return naturally.

[Regnent]

I'm 33 with 7. My sex drive isn't hurt by it.