In love with my boyfriend, but feeling's for other guy!

[Isabella86]

Ok I did not want to ammit this to myself I want to be with my BF forever, even if things are a bit sour at the moment..... but I have recently grown a crush on a older married boss.... but thing is I believe I have developed some feeling's for him in recent weeks :s now I can't get over this stupid crush that I should not be having. I'm not in love with him, but I do have some sort of emotional feeling towards him. Can this kind of thing happen???

[vertical_sky]

Okay, here's the thing.... Crushes happen. It doesn't fit well with the romantic fairy tale relationships we want to have, but they happen. You are monogamous, not dead. If you stay with your boyfriend for the rest of your life, you probably will have small pangs of desire and lust for other people. Don't beat yourself up about your feelings... they're natural and you can only do so much about them.

Here's what you CAN control: your behavior. Use iron will to make sure you are never anything more than professional, courtesy and friendly to your boss. Do NOT fantasize about him any more than you can help it, do NOT put yourself into situations just to be around him, etc. etc. Keep your crush as private and secret as possible. Use your logic and your brain to remember that this is a CRUSH, that if you REALLY knew your boss, with all his flaws, his smelly socks, that annoying way he laughs, etc., you wouldn't be as gaga over him. You know your boyfriend's flaws and STILL love him. Keep this constantly in your mind, and not only will you be able to manage your crush, but my guess is it'll eventually dwindle down to nothing.

[courtney90]

great advice from vertical_sky...i couldn't have said it better myself!!

everyone had crushes...whether they admit it or not...only thing that matters is if you can control your thoughts and feelings. just don't act on what you are feeling...you may regret it one day if you do. good luck...but this will pass in time!

[lizzybenny]

great advice from vertical_sky

[jt1]

Hi Isabella86. Vertical_sky couldn't be any more correct. My now ex girlfriend had a crush and acted more on it and distanced herself from me, well along with other problems, but that was a quite a factor. So if you really love your bf, please follow what vertical_sky has suggested, I wish my ex would've found that advice earlier.

[Isabella86]

yeah that is great advice Vertical_Sky thanks so much

but not thinking about him is so hard ...... I have tried, but I really want to kiss him...

If I was single and wasn't in love with someone, this would be the most painful crush ever, as my crush is married and is not the type to cheat on his wife, and he's 20 years older than me ...

[Isabella86]

hey ... thanks jt1... and soz to hear about your ex ...

[Ric]

Crushes do indeed happen. I once had a crush on this stunning girl. Yeah, I know I'm not suppose to think this, but I have always been honest to myself... I found her way more attractive than my girlfriend, way more sexy, way more alluring.
And, she came onto me BIG TIME. Of course anyone can say that, but considering how she grinded up against me and groped me when givings hugs, I was quite certain she was coming on to me.
I kept thinking about her, which I just used as a nice fantasy during sex with my girlfriend. However, the moment she got on to me like that I told her to stop it. Did it over msn, anyway, cause I was too chicken to do it in real life.

Just got to draw your lines somewhere. Dare to admit feelings to yourself. And be careful to not let it go further than a simple crush. And be careful not to let yourself get tempted! Temptations can be stronger than the crush, one wrong moment can ruin everything. So, avoid those, know when to leave a moment.

[Isabella86]

thanks guys... but this crush is starting to take over my life... he's all I'm thinking about at the moment, I even get jealous if he's chatting to other girls even though he's married and obviously faithful. and even though i wouldn't leave my boyfriend for him, I really want to kiss him.... and I'm hoping that he feels the same way, and even though we wouldn't cheat I would love the feeling that he liked me too. I kind of think there is a chance he does, but deep down I know I'm just seeing what I want. Like once he stroked my arm... i'm not sure what that means ...

[vertical_sky]

It probably doesn't mean anything. OR it means he has an inkling you like him, and is enjoying the attention of a younger woman.

Let's be frank... Him liking you would mean destroying a marriage. Would you want to inflict that kind of pain on someone? Would you want to be with someone who you KNEW would throw out a successful, happy relationship over an infatuation? If your crush is so overwhelming that you CAN'T put a box around it... Then every time it comes up, remind yourself of the pain it'd cause. His wife, your boyfriend, and deep down inside... You. Do you want to be that kind of person?

[Isabella86]

No I wouldn't... its just so hard.... I'm also respected and trusted by many of my friends... would it be a good idea to talk to him about it, or should I just try really hard and forget about it alltogether?