when can I ask for my stuff back?

[seganomics]

hello forum friends.

I've had kinda of a crappy weekend but i need some advice on a 'falling out' in progress.

the short version is my friend says he feels like i don't appreciate him and to leave him alone. given what was said I think it's a deal breaker on the friendship.

we are just a few days into No Contact and he has a DVD of mine that was a christmas gift so I'm not keen on chalking it up to collateral damage.

So... when can I ask for it back?

[MerryH]

Just buy a new DVD. It's not worth the awkward meetup to get it back.

I could understand if it was a family heirloom or even a very sentimental Christmas gift, but DVDs are very replaceable.

[seganomics]

Normally it would be. But it was given to me by a family member deployed in Afghanistan. If for any reason they don't make it back it's the last gift I'll have received from them.

[steviej]

Ask him to post it back to you, or if you live nearby to just drop it through your letterbox.

Just a simple text asking for it back and the reason why as you mentioned above.

[seganomics]

Yeah I figured I'd just ask to have it dropped off or left with a mutual friend.

My concern is we are both extremely crabby at one another right now. How long should I let the dust settle? I don't want to agitate him further and I don't want to put myself in a bad mood.

[devonbrown]

There is no way anyone can give you an accurate timeframe for letting matters cool off between you, especially since we do not know the two of you, how long you have known each other, the full details of the argument(s), etc. If you think this person would be spiteful and try to sell the DVD just to be mean, then ask for it back sooner rather than later. However, if you know the person isn't going anywhere and wouldn't be that spiteful, then there is no real rush.
But if you insist on a timeframe to let the dust settle - 6 days:5 hours:51 minutes:12 seconds.

Good luck.

[seganomics]

it's a general question... if you have a fight with someone... how long should you give it to cool off before you start dasking for things back and making the situtation worse?

here are the details if it makes a difference... we've been friends for almost two years, this is the first fight we've ever had, he cursed at me and was extremely rude and disrespectful in my opinion, the whole thing came out of no where... we had a huge snow storm on wednesday and i sent a text jokingly about him not offering to help me shovel out my car (i'm recovering from a broken leg and i have to move my car from the street to a designated lot everynight. it took me about 45 minutes to shovel out my car and was feeling trimuphant so i send a little jab about him not checking on me). he freaked out on me and told me to stop blaming things on him (to my knowledge i have never done that.) and on friday when I assured him that I appreciate everything he's done for me and was only joking he insists i'm lying and to back off for awhile. I also want to point out.. he's 33... he should be a grown ass man, and this story sounds like stuff i dealt with in high school. I totally get if a text was misinterepted or came off the wrong way, but when someone apologizes and explains the way it really is... you need to grow up and get over it.

to me... it's a deal breaker... i've had friends like this in the past that just lose their shit on you and then pretend like everything is ok a week later. i don't think i can handle that... the eggshells... and worse what happens if it happens again? it makes me question if I'm really that bad of a person when the reality is ... i probably didn't do anything and i'm getting the backlash of misdirected emotion. these friendships have always been toxic in the past so i'm thinking i need to run like hell before it happens again.

he wouldn't sell it or destroy it or anythig i just want the DVD back because of the above aforementioned, but i don't want to get accused of "poking the bear". I don't want anymore conflict right now. But if it really is the last straw I don't feel right just blowing off the dvd given where it came from. This could all blow over tomorrow for all i know... but if it doesn't when is it approriate to remind them they have something of mine and I kinda need it back?

[ashley89]

wait a week or so

[bloodtippedrose]

If you don't care about him being your friend any longer then ask for it asap. Don't let more than two weeks go by or you'll never see it again. It's sad that he's felt unappreciated. Why don't you have a serious chat with him about how he feels and how that makes you feel instead saying F-it and losing a friend after zero discussion? When I broke my ankle my boyfriend did everything for me and I just kept asking and expecting things from him that he started treating me cold and I didnt know why until we talked about it and he said he felt he was being taken for granted.