Was he being genuine or was I right to be cautious?

[flo_22]

There was a guy who I was seeing for a few weeks. He 'dumped' me last week saying we're too different and he didn't think it would work, which is fair enough. However, I think it was because I didn't sleep with him. He made it clear that he wanted us to sleep together after a week and only two dates, I told him I'd rather wait to get to know him better. Despite this, he still brought up sex a lot and teased me for being a 'good girl'.

when he 'dumped' me, I told him I understand and had doubts too and wished him well. I did not intend on contacting him again or expect him to contact me again. Yesterday I got a random text from him asking how I am. we had a little conversation and he started saying how he was missing me and he was wrong and that opposites attract. I continued the conversation as we were talking about other things but told him that I thought he was right about us not working and it would be best being friends. he said we would work out if he put more of an effort in, he knows it's a relationship I'm interested in and not a casual fling. he hasn't replied since me saying about us being friends. Plus what am I meant to think if he didn't put 'any effort in' in the first place?

I don't know what to make of it. I told him friends as we have mutual friends so I'll end up seeing him again. Also cos I had doubts about him because of how quickly he was mentioning sex and still mentioning it after me saying I wanted to take it slow. also there are pictures on a certain social network site of him kissing another girl over the weekend, which makes me think that maybe he didn't get lucky with that girl so he came back to me because he knows I was interested in him and thought he might get lucky with me instead. I like him but I've been hurt before. Plus the whole difference thing could easily be brought up again as an out. Reading this back and imagining it is a friend's situation, it would be obvious to me that he was only after one thing, but I think I just need someone to say what I did was right, or if it wasn't, what I should have done. Someone told me guys hate girls who pull out the 'friends' line. I don't hate this guy or anything - I purely would just like things to be as less awkward and drama-free as possible, as it is inevitable we'll see each other again at some point.

Do you think he was being genuine or am I right to have been cautious?

[IncognitoSir]

You've been seeing him for a few weeks and he's already dumped you......move on. It WAS about sex, and you didn't even bother to mention anything you liked about the guy so why invest any more effort into the matter. Go find a guy who will be patient and understanding with you.

[Yet another guy]

He seems to have been put off by your lack of desire towards him. I would be really worried myself if there was no interest in sex for several weeks. Then again, dumping you seems quite extreme... perhaps he has been used by women before? He clearly regrets his decision since he is trying to fix it.

The girl in the picture doesn't necessarily have anything to do with your break up. You weren't in a exclusive relationship before that, were you? According to people on these forums, some people date several people before they find one they like. Then again, if his behaviour wasn't usual in the picture, maybe he was upset about the bereak up.

On the other hand he might not be after anything more but why would he hide that? Only he knows.

Plus what am I meant to think if he didn't put 'any effort in' in the first place?

Do you feel that he didn't put any effort? Do you think that he wouldn't have put enough effort if you tried again?

Plus the whole difference thing could easily be brought up again as an out.

There's alway something that can be used as an "out". Such as, "it's not you, it's me" or "I don't feel like getting into a relationship right now" and so on.

Someone told me guys hate girls who pull out the 'friends' line.

If he is interested, of course he is going to hate it if you tell him that you want to be just friends.

[Bonfire]

You are right to be cautious and I am proud that you held off sex. More girls should follow your example. He was after sex and he knew he couldn't wait so he dump you. I bet he hope by dumping you, you would try and get him back and therefore give in to his sex demand in order to keep him. But your reaction was not what he wanted so he turn around and say he made a mistake in hope to try a different approach to get in your pants. He figure he was getting close so he wants back in. You should tell him to move on and you are not interested in him anymore. Again you did well in withholding sex and it reveal his true intentions.

[Yet another guy]

Sorry, I forgot to aswer the final question

I do think that it would be unfair to assume that he wasn't after a relationship and he may very well have been genuine. You seem to have made up your mind not to, and aren't asking an opinion about it, but I still would like to make it clear that I wouldn't recommend you to get back with him. He clearly has some problems (probably self esteem) and since you can't trust him, he would get frustrated again at some point.

[flo_22]

Thank you for your replies.

It wasn't that i didn't show any desire towards him. He knew I liked him, was affectionate with him, acted like a couple. And it was only 3 weeks which seems a little too soon. I'm not so much bothered by the girl in the picture as we are not/were not exclusive, but he hadn't spoken to me for nearly a week, had obviously gone out and not got lucky (depending how you look at it) - it's more the ladies man reputation mutual friends have told me about that casts doubts.

It wasn't that I thought he didn't put effort in - it was more that he admitted that he didn't. It doesn't make someone feel good does it? Surely if you're that interested in someone, your aim is to make the best impression of yourself to keep that interest going. So making an effort is part of that. I thought he did put effort in before he said that - he asked me out, he took me out but then the second date was a movie at his. Obviously alarm bells went off at that suggestion, but I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. he tried it on, I told him I'd rather wait and he told that he doesn't normally have to wait and that he never takes it slow. To be honest I thought it was the end that night, but he contacted me the next day although since then he wasn't as enthusiastic to meet up though still phoned regularly. He came round to my house one night and everything was fine. then the next day, was when he dumped me. So unless there's someone else he's been seeing, i don't know.

Either way, from things I've been told about him and his mentioning of sex a lot, terms like 'sexually frustrated' and 'how he'd go insane if he had to go on another day out with the good girl' were used, plus when I asked him upfront if that was all he was after because if it was, then he should find someone else, he said he was interested in me and sex was just a bonus, but I don't trust him as someone mentioned so it probably wouldn't have worked out. i've been hurt before so trusting people has proven to be quite difficult now anyway. I just wanted to see what others thought about it, i've been wrong about people in the past and wanted to make sure i wasn't wrong here.

thanks again for all your replies. Helped lots!

[Bonfire]

he asked me out, he took me out but then the second date was a movie at his. Obviously alarm bells went off at that suggestion, but I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. he tried it on, I told him I'd rather wait and he told that he doesn't normally have to wait and that he never takes it slow.

Right there. It confirms no doubt he was after sex all along. Trying to get with you on the 2nd date, inviting you over to watch a movie at his place, that's a typical player move. Yea glad you didn't fall for it. I wouldn't even be friends with such a slim ball to be honest.

[Yet another guy]

Right there. It confirms no doubt he was after sex all along.

We already knew that She told that he told it in the very first post

Given the info on the second post, I too would guess that he was likely playing her.