Just Hurting

[politicodc]

My GF of 9 months dropped a bomb on me 2 weeks ago.

"I'm just not sure if I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Followed by the email the following day:

"You are so wonderful, amazing, blah blah the only misgiving I have about this relationship is that I'm not sure it should last forever."

She said she had been dealing with these doubts for a while.

I wasn't sure about forever either, actually. But I still loved her.

So she asked for a break and space to figure things out.

I have not contacted her for two weeks. She hasn't contacted me either.

Now I'm just treating it as over. We were perfect together except for the age difference, I'm 29 she's 22. I get the sense of what she wants -- to go out and be 22 and have fun. But it doesn't hurt any less.

Any good tips on moving on? I rely heavily on a clear head for work, but am stuck in such a paralyzing funk I'm worried it could negatively impact my job.

[98db]

I am going through the same thing man. My Ex just moved out and I am still waiting for the day that I can wake up with a smile on my face

[lostinmind]

Seriously, when she says she needs time to figure things out. She needs time to figure things out. I am 25, my ex is 34. He dropped such things on me as "i see myself with you forever" and "i want to marry you and have children with you". Im sure you didnt do that, but its scary. Just like men want love, women get scared. I got scared, and he took it as I didnt love him. I did love him, very much, I needed some space and very careful and nurturing environment. I may sound like an idiot who doesnt know what she wants, but I AM an idiot who doesnt know what she wants!!!

Try contacting her. See what she says. She may be playing it hard to get, thinking that instead of giving her space, you gave up on her and dont love her enough to msg her. So give it a chance, extend a communication.

If she actually wants it over, you'll know after this break. If its not over, itll be clear.

You cant clear your head because you havent had closure and its not a clear breakup. How can you move on if you dont know where she stands.

Good luck. Dont dwell too much on it and just concentrate on life!

[steviej]

Exactly, you've given her the space, now you need to know where you stand. I bet the last two weeks have been hell for you! I just about managed one week, my job is dangerous without concentration and focus so it was lucky i had 3 days holiday booked during that week.

You might have hit the nail on the head though, the age could be a problem, at 22 she just might not be ready for the kind of commitment that you'd like.
Try and get her to meet face to face, the less you do over email/text the better!

[politicodc]

Thanks all. I never pressured her for commitment. Never talked about marriage, kids. The pregnancy thing is what spooked her.

I don't get the sense that she's playing hard to get. But she did say something strange after the scare "maybe if you had said you'd marry me it'd be better." But she followed up with "the thought of marriage is terrifying to me."

A day later, the "break" happened.

I really appreciate the female insight Lostinmind. Would a girl really play hard to get in such a strange way? My sense is that "she needs some time" means "she needs some time," as you accurately pointed out.

Any other thoughts are most welcome.

[politicodc]

should clarify -- we had a preg scare, which is what prompted all this. Scared her into thinking she'd be locked down with me forever, though strangely said "if you had said you'd marry me had I been pregnant, it might have been better..."

Followed by "I find the thought of marriage terrifying."

I'm so confused.

[abn25]

If you never pressured her into any commitment then she shouldnt be talking 4ever. Sounds like shes confused in her own head and i would just make a date to sit down and talk, see what happens and ask clear direct questions. Try not to let the realtionship get the best of you, especailly if its only 9 months. You are still quite young too my friend...