Should I ask my work colleague / friend out?

[Joe201]

Hi,

I have been pondering over this in my mind for a while now, and don't know what to do! I searched the net for some advice, and whilst there was some good stuff online, it wasn't directly related to my own situation, so I've decided to register to this forum and ask the question specifically! Any advice is much appreciated.

Okay, so here's the situation. I work in an office environment of 150+ staff .. I am in a middle manager position and the woman I am interested in is another middle manager that works in the same department as me, therefore we report to the same manager and naturally tend to work closely together on a number of things. We are also friends, and go out with a group of work mates from time to time for drinks and stuff. In the past when we went out, we have danced with eachother and sometimes play around in a friendly manner, hugging, arms around each other and so on .. though more recently our get togethers with the group have been more low key, but still basically fun with friends.

I've started to develop and interest in her over this time, and I feel she might be interested in me .. but can't tell, because I tend to get mixed signals, i.e. the friendliness of the above .. and more recently a bit more distant and reserved towards me, but then a bit more chatty again later on .. which is confusing! But that could be for a number of reaons .. and obviously I won't know unless I pursue it further.

So herein lies my dilemma, firstly we're friends and its always tough to turn a friend into a girlfriend, Im a bit concerned about stuffing up the friendship ... but normally if we were friends and thats it I'd probably give it a shot! But since we also work closely together, it's difficult to be more than friends, there's nothing against the company policy in this situation or anything ... but the working relationship is still rather close since we work in the same department and from time to time would work on projects together. I believe (or at least would like to!) we could be both professional enough to keep things separate .. but my concern is .. I don't want to damage our working relationship or start rumours and the like around the office, I dont think it's fair to her ... and don't want to put her through that. Furthermore, my own career is important to me and I wouldn't want perceptions of anything to go the wrong way, something you probably can't control if it gets out to the office!

There's a history of people getting together in the company I work for (thousands of employees in total) .. so its actually happened before and people seem to be ok with it ... most of the time though, people are already in deeper committed relationships (married/engaged) before anyone knows anything. So I guess it could work, but I'm still concerned about how to go about it, nor do I know that she would be interested in dating a work colleague.

My next component of the dilemma is that there is perhaps a bit of an age gap between us ... I am 26 and she is 34, not that bad at our age I suppose .. but again, I'm not sure if even if I didnt have the work issue, that she would think I'm too young?

So there's my situation, I was thinking I might hold off trying to pursue a relationship further until say one of us moves on from our current job ... even if we were still in the same organisation if we worked in a different department, wouldn't really have the "work conflict" issue, but of course my concern there is ... she might meet someone else during that time, and I would miss my chance.

Thanks for reading, any thoughts that people could share, opinions, advice, similar experiences are much appreciated! Thank you.

[devonbrown]

Why not just casually ask her if she would like to hang out after work without the rest of the work buddies? Or if there is a particular thing you like (a hockey game, an art show, a movie, etc) why not talk to her about it and say that you want to go but don't want to go alone and ask her to accompany you. Once you are spending time with her outside of the office, the rest of the questions will come out naturally.

Good luck.

[Joe201]

Thanks for the advice devon, we'll actually both be away from the office over the next few weeks, so perhaps the time apart (in the office) will give an opportunity to 'catch up'.

Any thoughts on the dilemmas I raised .. potential issues with dating a work colleague and how to deal with it, turning a friend into a girlfriend and age gaps?? These things tend to hold me back as well, but it's probably just self doubt :/