Please help before i hurt myself...

[disturbed_23]

Im a very old member, and i came back here because i know this website gives the best advice of any...

Details:

Im 20 years old, and i have been dating my 18 year old girl for a year on april 10th.

Recently though she broke up with me...

See we are having a kid together. The kid is 27 days old (in the womb), and we are both very excited and very prepared...

But her reaason for dumping me was that i was not supporting her enough. See we had a cell phone line together and i moved in with my grandma to help her out because she isnt doing too well. Well when i heard about the kid i had to cut off the cell phone to help save some money, so me and her havent had a cell phone to communicate for a while. So instead we used facebook... but about 2 months ago she started to not get on at all, saying she couldnt or she was busy. So i have not seen her for 2 months, 2 weeks of which we have been broken up for. She said i was not supporting her enough, so i started to show her everything. I got a better paying job, getting my own place very soon, and the like. But after all of this, she still doesnt even want to hang out with me, date me, anything. She rarely gets on facebook to talk to me for whatever reason, but recently ive been going 2-3 days without hearing a word from her.

Of course i fell in love with her, but if she had broke up with me and we werent having a kid, it would have been a lot easier and i would have bounced back faster. Ive tried everything. Tried talking to her into getting with me again, for the babys sake, but she says it just stresses her out me asking her and that isnt good for the baby so she isnt even talking to me much. I am freaking out, i know the power she has. She can make it so i have no rights for my kid whatsoever. And it is killing me inside. All i want is to have a family with HER and the BABY. I want to have our own big house and be a family. But she wont even try to work things out between us... when i dont even know why since the reason she broke up with me i fixed. We get along fine unltil i bring "us" up, and again she gets mad and gets off.

She still wears the engagement ring i bought her. Still has our pictures up on facebook. But she is killing me. I seriously dont know if i can handle this anymore. The pain is so big that it is making me want to kill myself. And i know that is so selfish to say, but i cant live with the pain for the rest of my life. All other girls i broke up with, pain went away very soon, but this is holding. Holding too hard.

Please someone give me some advice, i could really use it. Before i jump off the deep end

[politicodc]

Listen, this is probably just her way of making you get more serious. Give her space and give her time.

Do NOT do anything rash. This will pass, like all things in life.

[DarkHelmet82]

dude what kind of influence are you going to be for a child when you threaten to hurt yourself?

[disturbed_23]

Im saying, if i dont get to see my child, and i dont get her anymore, the pain will grow and fester until i do...

So what you are saying is, just wait it out? Or what?

[disturbed_23]

Also you must know that i was feeling very depressed when i wrote this, and now i am doing better and dont feel like hurting myself whatsoever. I would just like advice on how to get her back so i can have the family i dream of.

[steviej]

She's young, she's probably very scared, hormones are all over the place and from her point of view you had disappeared! Does she live far away?
You need to be patient with her, don't guilt trip her either. Be supportive, let her know how much she means to you. You need to show her you're (mentally) strong, because she is freaking out and needs a rock to help her through it. No matter how much you're panicking inside she needs to see the confident and strong side of you to make her feel secure.

[IncognitoSir]

Ok man, you CLEARLY need some support her also. Yeah I realize she IS scared and young yada yada yada, BUT you did and are doing the right things. You cut off the cell phone to save money for your baby and that makes COMPLETE sense. You didn't disappear, hell you told her what you were doing, why you were doing it, and you still had means of communicating with her until she decided it wasn't good enough. A good man will put his child first just like you've done. It sucks that she's acting like this but hey it takes 2 to make a baby and she needs to grow the **** up just like you're being forced to do.......works both ways. Just continue to do what you're doing. Put your child first and hang in their with her also and hopefully she'll come around. BTW, what is she doing to prepare for this baby? Or is the plan to leave it all for you to take care of? She needs to realize and understand it's time to put these childish acts aside, life just got REAL and their is an innocent life at stake here that deserves all of BOTH you guys attention and love. I feel for you man, you're striving to do the best you can and for whatever reason she can't see that. I hope it all works out for you bro. Keep us updated and don't give up on her.

[VincenzoG91]

I'm a numbers-oriented guy, and your numbers don't add up. If you haven't seen your girlfriend in two months, and she has been pregnant for 27 days, then she cheated on you and you're not having a kid together. If that's the case, forget about her and move on.

Or if you didn't clearly express yourself and this is your kid, get ready for some tough years coming up. You can get visitation rights or even push for partial custody, but that's going to cost you, both in terms of child support and legal fees. This is a big responsibility and frankly a huge burden for two young people, and while it would be easier to bear if you were together, you can't force her to love with you or even be with you.

[disturbed_23]

Wow i feel so dumb... i didnt mean 27 days lol i meant 13 weeks, there is 27 weeks left and i got all jumbled on my words.

Stevie J: Thanks, i know its going to be very tough and i will keep doing what im doing. Im showing her the best i can. She has been getting on a little more then usual, so that is good. But im thinking about getting cheaper cell phones so we can communicate and then maybe we can have something going for us. Ill be the rock you say i should be.

IncognitoSir: Wow thank you very much, i never thought so highly of myself and that is good words to hear when im having these random depression attacks. She is suffering with the pregnancy, thats for sure. She has to work through DFS too because she doesnt have insurance, and she was going to school, but i dont know what she is doing or if she has a job, because i barely get to talk to her. I dont want to just say go get a job either, that might be too forceful and might push her away even more. Life did get REAL realllll fast and this added heart ache is taking more of a toll on me then it normally would if she wasnt pregnant. Thanks, i hope it works out too. And i will keep you updated.

Vincenzo: Again sorry about the mistake, 13 weeks pregnant. I know i cant force her, but i would like to motivate her to be with me.. if not for me then for the babys sake. That baby means more to me then she does at this moment, but she still means the world and i just want a really nice family. I am going to have to work 2 jobs just to pay for all of this, if i had her and we were in our appt then life would be so much easier, because right now my life seems so stressful and full of agony. Im waiting patiently for her, but i just want a sure thing that she will be here with me.

UPDATE: I also made her a video, showcasing pictures we took together and i recorded myself talking to her. When she woke up this morning she got on facebook and watched it, and told me that she can barely watch it because it is so sad. I told her that i pray for the day we can patch things up, but ill be there for her forever no matter what happens. All she said was "ok" and that tore me up a bit aswell. And then she had to get offline, because she was at her girl friends house. But ill keep everyone posted on what happens, and i would really enjoy some more tips and advice on what the hell to do here. I just want a family, and if i get that i will be the happiest person alive and the baby and her will have a good good life, ill make sure of it.

[disturbed_23]

Currently talking to her... and i am being smashed into the ground with every word she says.. she is talking like she hates me, and i feel miserable

[VincenzoG91]

Where is this hate coming from? I realize that this wasn't a planned pregnancy, but she was a willing participant in the process.

[disturbed_23]

It actually was a planned pregnancy... i know it was young but we both wanted one, whether we knew what we were getting into or not. Im sure the hate is coming from me trying to explain to her that we should work things out, and she is annoyed by it. So i have to stop, and sit back and let her come to me.. but i know she will move on if i do this and i dont want to lose both her and my baby

[DarkHelmet82]

Pregnant women are full of emotions.. just relax everything will be fine.

[disturbed_23]

I cant talk to her about patching things up without her getting mad at me for doing so. So i can never get the chance to do it. Its hard to see things will be fine. And its even harder to relax. I need advice on what to do in this situation, when i cant relax what so ever.

[steviej]

You're pushing her too much. Don't pester her about getting back together, it's having a negative effect. Instead do the supportive thing, make her feel better and try suggesting something fun - could you not meet up for dinner/cinema/shopping etc? You are focussing on the baby, but you can't neglect her.
As someone pointed out you are doing responsible things like saving money etc, but if you want to get her back you have to be smart.
Why has it been two months since you last saw her? Do you live far away from each other?