Was I A Jerk?

[EmptyChurch]

The current object of my affections is not my girlfriend. She is my best friend of ten years, who I am currently having sex with and have very strong feelings for. That's nother thread though. In fact, you can still read it. It's called "Very strong feelings for someone I can't have."

Anyway... I think I upset her earlier.

She has this female friend who I've met a couple times. Well... my friend is Bi and she has messed around with this girl. I have made a lot of jokes about us having a threesome.

Earlier today I was online talking to my friend, and I made a few comments about that. And I said she should really ask her. She said "No, I don't want to ask her..." And I'll admit it, I prodded her a little. And finally she said she would just say it all loud it out at work the next day (since her and this female friend work together) and that she would record her friend's reaction on her cell phone as a video so I can see everything and know without any doubt how her friend reacted. She was joking, she didn't really plan on doing that.

Yea... I should have stopped there.

But I was on facebook and I saw the girl she works with was online. So I told my friend she should IM her friend on Facebook and ask her.

So my friend was like "You just aren't going to let up are you." Then there was kind of a pause. Then she came back with "I IMed her and asked her and she logged right off. Hope she isn't pissed at me."

I told her not to worry about it...

And then she said "Well, I only asked to get you off my back about it to be honest."

She told me she's sick of hearing about it and that if I have as deep of feelings for her as I say I do, I shouldn't talk so much about sleeping with one of her friends, even if she is there.

I wasn't sure hoe to handle it really... It's not often that we argue so I felt like a deer in the headlights.

I will admit I have bugged her a lot about a threesome with this other girl. But all this time I was joking around. But most of it has been online, so maybe she didn't realize I was joking.

So, was I a jerk? What should I do to make it right?

[MerryH]

But all this time I was joking around. But most of it has been online, so maybe she didn't realize I was joking.

Bullshit. You're lying. You weren't joking around. If you were, you would have stopped her before she actually made a pass at this girl and embarrassed herself and you.

Not only were you a jerk, but you were also a ****ing idiot for assuming that she should automatically be up for it since she's been with this female in the past. She said she didn't want to. You should have respected that and dropped it. And FYI, that was the dumbest way to go about getting a threesome.

To make it right, apologize for being an insensitive moron and pushing it so hard and then never do it again.

[reeba]

Your post is confusing. You asked your current bi 'object of your affections' for a threesome with someone she has some history with. She said no. And you kept asking?

Your constant pestering went WAY beyond a joke. Not sure if you motive is to be mean (you said she isn't 'available' and maybe you are upset with that), sexual fantasy, or what. But it wasn't funny at all.

You better just tell her that you are sorry and you will never mention it again.

[EmptyChurch]

Just an added thorn to this situation... I'm going to see this girl this weekend. (It's work related, I don't mean like I'm going to her house to see her.) And now my friend thinks something is going to happen between us after the work is done. As in, I'm going to sleep with her friend.

I kept telling her over and over again that I won't do that. And she kept pointing out that we aren't together, so she has no right to put that restriction on me. But she would still be upset if I did. But I kept repeating over and over again that I won't.

And she said because I talk so much about her friend in a sexual way she has doubts... And then the added blow "Even if you did, how would I know? You could both make the decision to never tell me."

I thought after ten years of knowing me she could trust me a little more then this. But I know I brought it on myself.

[hello1]

Wow If I was her I would end it with you straight away. Just because she is bisexual does not mean she wants to have threesomes. Way to go buddy!

[EmptyChurch]

Bullshit. You're lying. You weren't joking around. If you were, you would have stopped her before she actually made a pass at this girl and embarrassed herself and you.

Not only were you a jerk, but you were also a ****ing idiot for assuming that she should automatically be up for it since she's been with this female in the past. She said she didn't want to. You should have respected that and dropped it. And FYI, that was the dumbest way to go about getting a threesome.

To make it right, apologize for being an insensitive moron and pushing it so hard and then never do it again.

I didn't know she was really going to IM her friend and ask. Otherwise I would have stopped her. She didn't tell me she was going to, there was just a pause and then she came back and told me she IMed her friend.

I didn't just assume she would be up for it. I asked her a few weeks ago how she would feel if that happened. And she told me she would probably be into it. She said she had thought about the three of us before.

And when I would ask her to proposition her friend... she kept telling me that stuff like that is better unplanned... it just has to happen, not be asked for. I'm not sure exactly what she means.

[EmptyChurch]

Your post is confusing. You asked your current bi 'object of your affections' for a threesome with someone she has some history with. She said no. And you kept asking?

Your constant pestering went WAY beyond a joke. Not sure if you motive is to be mean (you said she isn't 'available' and maybe you are upset with that), sexual fantasy, or what. But it wasn't funny at all.

You better just tell her that you are sorry and you will never mention it again.

My Motive wasn't to be mean... I really thought I was just being funny.

I told her the night before last that I wouldn't mention it again. Because we were talking then, and she said "You know I'll be honest, I'm really getting sick of hearing about this." I told her it wouldn't come up again.

THen, like an absolute moron, I brought it up again. I don't even know why. And when I said lets change the subject her response was "You brought it up!"

I think dynamics are getting mixed up here. Not that I'm making an excuse. I'm not. But I think since I've been her friend for so long and didn't have to censor myself, now that we are a little more then friends I am not used to having to watch what I say sometimes. It kinda sucks... wish I didn't have to censor myself.

[EmptyChurch]

Wow If I was her I would end it with you straight away. Just because she is bisexual does not mean she wants to have threesomes. Way to go buddy!

Yea... way to go me.

If she throws away ten years over this I will be surprised.

[IncognitoSir]

How old are you, you sound REALLY immature.

[EmptyChurch]

In my early 40s... my friend is ten years younger

[hello1]

In my early 40s... my friend is ten years younger

You should know better at your age, you come across as a pervy old man.

[EmptyChurch]

You should know better at your age, you come across as a pervy old man.

Yea... maybe. Got greedy I guess.

[girl68]

Are you a jerk? No jerks are better than you.

You're an asshole.

[EmptyChurch]

Why am I an asshole?

[devonbrown]

Yea... maybe. Got greedy I guess.

Right there. That comment right there shows that you were not joking with her. That if the third party had said yes, you would have been all for it, no matter if your friend wanted it or not. And that is why you are in the situation you are now. Your friend doesn't trust you because you kept pushing. Your friend doesn't think you really care about her since you kept pushing despite her objections. You knew you were being an idiot when you kept pushing her, but you kept pushing her anyway. Not too bright. And whether you think she will or not, these issues are things that cause people to scrap longterm friendships over.