Why do I feel like I need someone so badly? how do I stop?

[nevertwentyone]

I can't help but feel the need to find someone and it's killing me. I hate it. I really just wish I didn't give a ****!

I got out of a 4 year relationship about 6 months ago and I'm the one who ended it. She was my first girlfriend, and I found myself to be prone to talking to other girls and wishing I had something with them. So I decided to break it off, I couldn't do that to her.

After the relationship I've went from meeting a few girls and having it end up no where. I didn't mind. I really didn't care if i was single or if i had someone. All until the most recent girl i met.

She messed me up more so than leaving a four year relationship. For a week straight we spoke to each other everyday on the phone for at least four hours before we slept. Than one day it all changed. She said she liked me but said I was too perfect for her. Saying that being with me would make her too scared to mess up and that having something so precious or important in her life would drive her insane. Be it truth or whatever, I don't care. I just wish it never happened.

Ever since then, I've been stricken with this unending feeling of need. I can't think, I can't focus, Its debilitating. I have few friends which more than likely makes my situation worse. (I lost them all from my ex's controlling relationship.) It's been 4 months of this desperate feeling for someone. It's become ridiculously hard to care about college, my degree, my hobbies, almost everything; except meeting someone.

Any advice on how to kill it?

[98db]

I am going through the same thing. Subscribing to this thread...

[DarkHelmet82]

Heres your issue... I know because Iv'e been there. You need to be able to love yourself and LIVE IN THE MOMENT. You cant change the past and cant control the future. Just enjoy the present moment..

Right now... just clear your head.. and look outside the window.. beautiful isnt it?

[HopeYouGetThis]

I couldn't agree more with DarkHelmet. It seems like you've just been so accustomed to your previous relationship that you're desperately trying to fill a void within yourself. To be too dependent on a significant other is not healthy. You need to be able to love yourself first before you can truly love another. Unfortunately the only thing I can think of that will help you get over this person is time. Focus on yourself and reflect on the things you want to accomplish.

“Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction” - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

That quote, to me, is what true love is.

[nevertwentyone]

I do love myself, at least i'm pretty sure I do. The confusing part is where I love everything I do, but I'm willing to change that or have different opinnions when I find someone else. But i completely agree about living in the moment. I find that to lift me in the bummed out moments I get. However it always seems to be temporary.. I just feel like theres always something to reel me in back to feeling desperate. Sometimes I think it could be from having such a great relationship in those 4 years and not realizing how much I liked it and how accustomed I was. To have a taste of something divine makes the mundane sickening.

Living in the moment.. it's so easy to think about and comprehend but to embrace it and have it become who you are is the hard part you know?

Maybe I just hold to high of hopes/expectations for a relationship to offer that I can find somewhere else in friends..

[nevertwentyone]

“Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction” - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

quote is awesome.

And i wasn't really that dependant on her at all. I know it sounds strange.. but the relationship on my side was more of a mistaken feeling of guilt/love. It's a long story but in short, she had to move in with me when we were 18 and 17 because her parent's left her and her step father was abusive (I was 18, i'm 22 now). I felt like the biggest ***hole in the world leaving her, but i was always independant in the relationship. I'm rarely shy and outgoing with the slightest feeling of being comfortable but, hearing you guys both say i need to love myself makes me want to think deeper into it. The last girl definitely made me feel like i wasn't good enough so i should contemplate on that for a bit..

[brokenheart20]

It's tough ending a relationship after four years, I've only had one girlfriend, and my relationship lasted three years, untill she decided to end it. It took me a while to recover from the break up, although I still find myself thinking about her. I remember that in the first weeks it hurt so much that I couldn't breath, I didn't want to go out, and my hobbies did not seem so interesting anymore.
When you break up with someone the first thing you want to do is blindly jump into another relationship straight away, in a reckless atempt to soothe the pain your feeling and fill the gap you have inside. You should take this time to think about what you really want to in your life. It's perfecly normal to find other girls attractive but it doesn't mean you're going to act upon your inner desires. However, maybe you decided to break up with her because deep down you are not ready to commit yourself to only one person. You are still young and I am sure there are alot of things you want do and lots of girls you want to date. But, I think you should really go slow and not rush yourself into a relationship just because you want to fill a void. Maybe this void is a deficiency in your capability of loving yourself or simply being able to enjoy one's own company. I am also very dependant on people and What I mean by that is emotinally dependant. I am still in process of being able to appreciate myself a little bit more. You should think about that I know you've been resistant in accepting that idea judging by your previous comments, however, I think you should consider pondering on that for while. I hope I have helped

[cooley89]

So, what's my problem then? I feel the same way. Only I have never had a relationship last longerthan a month and they have always broken it off with me. What am I trying to complete?

[pisces25]

Maybe you are not content and therefore think meeting someone will make you that way. Contentedness/happiness truly is within. To practice being in the moment try meditating,