Love, disease and distance :(

[RogerBea]

Hello,
just two weeks ago I was in the United Kingdom to visit the university I applied into. It's a wonderful university in a wonderful city (Leeds) and I am very happy with my choice. At home, I lead a very poor life. I live alone, and only have a few good friends who unfortunately left my city and now I'm pretty much alone. I don't get along with my classmates. Anyway, while visiting the university, I met a very nice girl, Rachel, who is a first year student there. We immediately took a liking to each other, she showed me around the university, the city, we had dinner together, went clubbing, I visited her house etc. This lasted for nearly a week, and the night before I left, we met in a park and had our first kiss. It was incredibly difficult to say goodbye, I'm not ashamed to say I cried, and she did as well . She gave me her Skype, and promised to chat to me every day.
However, as soon as I got home, I realised things are much more difficult than it seemed. Apparently, she has a heart condition, which progressed over years and will soon require an open heart surgery. She had to miss out on a lot of lectures cause of her condition, and now has to study more so we don't chat much on Skype. In fact, I hadn't chatted to her for nearly a week ago until today when she announced that her condition has considerably worsened and she will require open heart surgery in June. We were talking on camera, both in tears, because the survival chance of the surgery is about 50/50. I am unable to visit her, because I have school now and exams in June-July which I must take in order to be accepted into my university. So here I am now, unable to see my love until 3 months later, and I am not even sure if she will live to see me. I have only known her for a short while, but I love her so much that if anything happened to her I would probably not live through it. I've spent all evening crying and I am not sure what to do. I am unable to see her, unable to talk to her and unable to help her. I am lonely, and all I can thing about is my love Rachel. I am so desperate that I am about to rip my hair out. What should I do? How should I get through this?

[devonbrown]

It seems pretty simple to me. If you love her as much as you think you do, take the time off from school and go see her. We are talking about life-threatening surgery versus a couple of exams.

Good luck.

[~Aetherius~]

School is something you can always come back to. Take a few months off to be with her, and then whatever happens, you can always go back to school and pick up where you left off.

Life is far too short to waste time with negative emotions. Your heart is telling you what you want, listen to it instead of your brain. Sometimes it's better to go with your gut rather than your mind.

If you stay in school and don't go see her, you will regret it for the rest of your life, even if she does survive.

If you go to see her, then you will at least have that time together. Even if she does not survive, you will have those fond memories to keep with you forever.

Don't make the mistake of missing out on this. You know what the right thing to do is, now be brave and take your chance! Go to her!

[~Aetherius~]

School is something you can always come back to. Take a few months off to be with her, and then whatever happens, you can always go back to school and pick up where you left off.

Life is far too short to waste time with negative emotions. Your heart is telling you what you want, listen to it instead of your brain. Sometimes it's better to go with your gut rather than your mind.

If you stay in school and don't go see her, you will regret it for the rest of your life, even if she does survive.

If you go to see her, then you will at least have that time together. Even if she does not survive, you will have those fond memories to keep with you forever.

Don't make the mistake of missing out on this. You know what the right thing to do is, now be brave and take your chance! Go to her!

[vashti]

what sort of surgery does she need, specifically?

[MerryH]

I love her so much that if anything happened to her I would probably not live through it.

Not to belittle your feelings or anything, but this isn't a healthy response and I hope you were just exaggerating. If you honestly believe that your life wouldn't be worth living if something happened to a girl you've only known for a couple of weeks, there's something wrong.

If you're that much in love with her, then why aren't you even considering going to be with her? Not that it's particularly smart to put school on hold for someone else, but uh, she might be dying and all.

But do be careful. Regardless of your feelings for her, you don't know her well enough to blindly trust her. I don't know why someone would make up a story like this, but it happens. So just be sure that she's not bullshitting you before you go and make drastic life changes for her.

[steviej]

I see the issue though ... let's say he goes over and sees her for a couple of weeks/months, he's now missed his exams and has to delay going to university for a year, which means he won't move to leeds and be there with her!

I'm sure a compromise could be reached, maybe just go for a week, a few days before the operation so you are there to see how it turns out. I'm sure you could take a week out without it affecting your studies?