Banker Looking for Dating Advice [URGENT]

[confused banker]

Understand bankers are supposed to be rational and analytical, but I am really out of my mind after meeting this girl.

This communication & journalism girl is a “perfect” girl for a hard working ass-kissing banker (at least for now…) She accepted to go out with me after we met once before (it was my farewell party with my previous firm, so I invite many friends to come down. Thinking it’s always good to have pretty girls joining us, I invited her, but to my surprise she readily accepted my invite).

Everyone was drinking a bit high at that night, but not totally out of our mind. I didn’t seduce her or expected anything (on the contrary, my friends were trying to hook her all the time). But we were end out being together that night (due to mutual attraction I guess?)

It was awkward the next day, but wasn’t that bad. This time she asked me out. But being a badass I am, I invited my other friends to come along (WTF, didn’t know what I was thinking back then…) Feel this became the turning point for our relationship, and after this I just feel something is wrong.

Due to my banker’s insecurities nature, I would text her (sometimes many messages) if I invite her out. However, gradually she began to neglect my sms…trying calling her not picking up…also not calling back from her after that (she will definitely be fired at my division if she never calls back any miscalls).

Understand not responding equals to “hey dude, I am not interested in you”, but I just don’t understand why she would do that. Really want to make up for this, I knocked her door talking to her face-to-face. Asked her out for coffee tonight, and she was cool with it though she was just back from hiking during the day. When I texted her tonight, I the prompt reply of “sorry, way too tired. Next time.” (There is even no f**king question mark or exclamation mark at the end?!)

Can someone enlighten me on this? Probably she was just looking for those one-night experiences, but I do want to know more about her before I can make further decisions – I just have the flush for no reasons. Could somebody advise me on what should I do next? Thanks so much!

[Bonfire]

It was awkward the next day, but wasn’t that bad. This time she asked me out. But being a badass I am, I invited my other friends to come along (WTF, didn’t know what I was thinking back then…) Feel this became the turning point for our relationship, and after this I just feel something is wrong.

Since she ask you out after that night, it wasn't a one night stand for her. But you invited your friends tells her maybe you treated it like a one night stand. So she appropriately left. So if indeed this is what happen, then the best thing you can do is write her a long txt about how you truly feel for her and that you want to date her. Put everything on the line. If she wants the same thing, she'll respond, if not, then you did all you could do.

[confused banker]

My instinc tells me that it's always good to tell in-person, though I am not confident to express my feelings... Thanks Bonfire! Guess I will try this!

[confused banker]

Since she ask you out after that night, it wasn't a one night stand for her. But you invited your friends tells her maybe you treated it like a one night stand. So she appropriately left. So if indeed this is what happen, then the best thing you can do is write her a long txt about how you truly feel for her and that you want to date her. Put everything on the line. If she wants the same thing, she'll respond, if not, then you did all you could do.

Here is what I get from her "I do hope we can be friends too. To tell you the truth, there is already a boy in my life. He's not my bf right now, but I really care about him. Anyway, we can find a time to talk more..."

Feel like shit, but on second thought I do feel I still have a shot?

What do you guys think? Is she just playing with me or did I miss something? Thanks so much!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

She could just be mentioning the other boy to save face, but she could easily be telling the truth. You should just tell her how you feel and you're interested in dating her. If she is not interested in dating, then tell her it's best you two not talk anymore, don't bother trying to be friends with her or any of that nonsense.

[devonbrown]

In this case, I would go exactly with what she says. If she says she has someone else in her life that she is pursuing, leave it alone. I agree with Bonfire that her asking you out the day after was a good sign, but you bringing your friends along does send the signal that you are not interested. In fact, it shows that you are trying to avoid a situation where you could be alone with her.

Her ship has sailed. Move on to another port.

Good luck.

p.s. - Upon re-reading the OP and your comments, I have to say that your instinct seems to be not very trustworthy. And you seem keen on trying to fool yourself into thinking there might be more of a possibility than there is. Leave her be and find someone new.

[Bonfire]

Here is what I get from her "I do hope we can be friends too. To tell you the truth, there is already a boy in my life. He's not my bf right now, but I really care about him. Anyway, we can find a time to talk more..."

Feel like shit, but on second thought I do feel I still have a shot?

What do you guys think? Is she just playing with me or did I miss something? Thanks so much!

So what did you actually say to her? About her response. She mention there is this other guy, but it's not her bf yet, so it means the window of opportunity is closing fast for you. But there is a small chance for you. She did say "we can find a time to talk more..." let's see if she means it so try and ask her to meet up. If she follows through and meets with you, that will be you last chance to convince her. If nothing comes of it, at least you did your best and can move on and she'll know that night meant more than just one night stand. At least you'll feel good about that.

[MrE]

Quit being so damn clingy, women hate that. They quickly lose interest when you call/text constantly.

[confused banker]

In this case, I would go exactly with what she says. If she says she has someone else in her life that she is pursuing, leave it alone. I agree with Bonfire that her asking you out the day after was a good sign, but you bringing your friends along does send the signal that you are not interested. In fact, it shows that you are trying to avoid a situation where you could be alone with her.

Her ship has sailed. Move on to another port.

Good luck.

p.s. - Upon re-reading the OP and your comments, I have to say that your instinct seems to be not very trustworthy. And you seem keen on trying to fool yourself into thinking there might be more of a possibility than there is. Leave her be and find someone new.

Hey Devon, I have to say I totally agree with you. Experiencing some of the most aweful moments of my career... Guess I'm just out of my mind - desperate to looking for a girl to accompany me.

No further action will be taken from my side unless she would like to talk.

Thank you guys for all the advice. Really appreciate it! Will update you guys on any new progress if there is any.