a girl has me troubled

[joshy]

so ive been growing up with a girl named ashley since i was sixteen. over the years to wear i am now at twenty she has truly become my best friend. its weird having a girl as a best freind not to say i dont have good guy friends but i cant connect with any of them like i do her. a while ago i decided that we couldnt be anything more then freinds or rather i should say she decided lol. I dont think ive ever met anyone in my entire life that makes me laugh and smile more then her, and not to mention someone who i can totally trust. i wouldnt say im in love with her because you cant be without a relationship but love is certainly an emotion i find synonymous with how i feel about her. were pretty close id say we usually text each other a little here and there and on the weekends were inseparable. the thing im struggling with is how i feel about her. really i dont want to feel the way i do anymore i want it to be gone. believe me ive tried everything i can to change her mind and frankly im thinking that following through with pursuing her is just somthing thats bad for my heart. and yet i honestly cant think of her in a totally plutonic way. the other night at a party i accidentally walked in on her with another guy i wanted to show her that i was truly her freind so i kept my mouth shut and didint tell anyone and in the morning cassually brought up the fact that i had gotten way to drunk and the night wa such a blur. i wanted to push the fact that i am truly her freind and i care for her so much id just like to support her. but really this was all just a front to distract myself from how truly jealous i am. i can not get the * * * * ing image of her an dhim out of my head. he was a cool guy but i honeslty just wanna beat the * * * * out of him and i dont know why. i feel so * * * * ty and the images are burned into my retinas and have seeped into my dreams and every aspect of my life. i know jealousy is a very bad emotion to feel so ive been carefull to not show even a glimpse of my plight to my friends and her and have stayed myself around others. but inside im so torn up i want to get rid of my intimate love for her and replace it with plutonic love and respect for a friend but im so distraught and confused i cant seem to put the pieces together. she always takes my kindness as an advance on her and i dont think she believes i just wanna me friends with her. any advice how i can show her im truly her friend? or what i should do to make myself feel better? how do i get over this nasty and unflattering jealousy and accept her for who she is and respect the fact that she just isint into me? i know confusing and a moutfull just looking for some perspective.

[Bonfire]

You need to give yourself a little space from her. The closer you are to her the worse you'll feel. You have fallen in love with her. Love can be develop through friendship like it is in relationship. The two of you gotten to know each other well over the years and you have fallen for her. But unfortunately she doesn't feel the same. Now you can't turn back and just be friends. That's when you have to step back and just give yourself some distance. When you are around her, just act like your usual self. But don't try too hard to spent time with her. Just let her initiate the contacts and get-togethers. Go and have your own life, meet other females. If she wonders why you been distant from her, just say you were busy with your new project and suggest you'll try and make time. If your goal is to show her you're her friend, then you have to stop trying to make her your girlfriend. It's that simple.

[everton11]

Love is a two way street, its a mutual feeling communicated by two persons, and what you described is not it. You must understand that while at some point you started to developing feelings for her, the most valuable thing going on between you and her is friendship, and it is a relationship that can last forever (most likely than love...). Man up, I know it is hard seeing her with another guy, but I can tell you this right now, all four of my best friends are either married or in a serious relationship, I get jealous about those girls getting to spend more time with my boys than me, and I'm confident that I'm 100% heterosexual! Get busy, put your work in something that can better yourself and stop daydreaming!

[Bonfire]

Love is a two way street, its a mutual feeling communicated by two persons

If this was true, then everytime when a husband is no longer in love with his wife, does this mean the wife is automatically not in love with her husband because it's no longer mutual? So you say if a girl was dump by her boyfriend, she cries to you that it hurts so bad because she is still in love with him, you would tell her it's not love because it's no longer a two way street? Do you see the flaw in that definition? Love is simply a deep feeling for someone you know really well and care for. That's all it is. It's not some shared experienced, it's personal feeling. Now, if you say a healthy loving relationship is a two way street, then I agree.

[devonbrown]

This friendship has developed into an unrequited love on your part. But let me through this out there. What is stronger than romantic love? Actually, what LOVE is stronger than romantic love? Answer - familial love. And since you have grown up with this girl, as you say, you may be confusing familial love with romantic love. In fact, your familial love for her might be stronger than real familial love, since you and she chose each other to be friends/"family."
As to separate the romantic love out, and to keep her from seeing everything you do as a play for her affections, try looking to others to date. I think if you start going out with someone else, a lot of the jealousy you are feeling will go away and you will realize that your friendship to her is the most important thing. And it will make her feel like you are living more outside of her circle, which will make her more comfortable.
I know it is tough, but don't restrict yourself.
Good luck.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I agree with devonbrown ideologically, but practically for your situation, you need to put a lot of distance between you two. You do need to start looking for others to date, but you also need to distance yourself from your friend so that you'll be more mentally open to other women. Really, if she's got you so jealous that you want to beat this guy's ass, you should cut all contact for a while, until you've got your emotions under control. Just tell her you've got a lot going on and you need time to yourself.