Can't figure this one out. Any advice ?

[ald42198]

I've run into this situation a few times in the past and know how to handle it. But since I have known her a while I would like to figure out what she is up to.

First a little background info. I have been going to my hair stylist for a few years now. And while I have enjoyed her conversation, she was friendly, a little flirty at times, and talks about some of the personal things going on in her life, but she was married so I didn't think much of it. So a little while back she starts talking about getting divorced and how some guy is stalking her, all the while in full flirt mode. So when her divorce was final she was so happy that I figured that I would invite her out for a congratulations drink if she wanted. She said that she would have to get back with me on that. She never did. In my experience that usually means "not interested". So a few weeks later when I go to my appointment I play it off and make fun of her for being too shy and not calling me about getting a drink.

Fast forward to now. Go in for my regular appointment and start shooting the breeze with her. She's still in full flirt mode. So I ask her how the stalker situation is going and her reply is, "which one"? You mean you have more than one stalker ? So over the course of the next 30-40 minutes we continue another of our odd little encounters and she tells me that she needs to give me her new number. I replied that I deleted her old one because she never picked up or returned my calls. She played that off and she gave me her new number when I left and specifically told me to call her. I figured that I would give her a call and see if she wanted to go out sometime. So the next day I called her and she said that her kid was sick at the moment and I told her to go take care of her kid and call me when she had a chance. She said that she would call me later that afternoon. She never did. So a couple days later I called and no one picked up and I just left a message to call me back. So 4 days after the 2nd call that is where we are now.

I figure one of 3 things is going on here.

1. Not interested - but then again why would she flirt so hard every time I go in and specifically give me her number and tell me to call

2. Playing hard to get - How can someone play hard to get and complain about stalkers. So if I pursue and she is not playing hard to get, I go on the stalker list too.

3. Interested but too busy at the moment - Again, why tell me to call ?


Most of the time, 2 non returned calls is a pretty strong "not interested" signal in my book. Some females like guys that don't give up and pursue, but with all the stalker stories, I don't think that is an option here. So my play is to not call her back and just go in for my regular appointment in about a month and see what happens. I'm almost willing to bet my next paycheck that she is still flirting like hell with me next time.

What's this chick up to ? Anyone have any opinions or advice on the subject ? Questions ?

[VincenzoG91]

The flirting might have something to do with trying to get a tip, or a better tip from you. I tip 20% for my haircuts, because I'm very happy with the results.

Giving you her personal number sends a different signal though, that she is interested in spending time with you away from her job. But I agree that two unreturned phone calls is a bad sign, and the stalker part is potential cause for concern on more than one level.

If I were you, I wouldn't keep calling her. Just show up next month for the usual haircut and act like nothing happened.

[ald42198]

The flirting might have something to do with trying to get a tip, or a better tip from you. I tip 20% for my haircuts, because I'm very happy with the results.

Giving you her personal number sends a different signal though, that she is interested in spending time with you away from her job. But I agree that two unreturned phone calls is a bad sign, and the stalker part is potential cause for concern on more than one level.

If I were you, I wouldn't keep calling her. Just show up next month for the usual haircut and act like nothing happened.

Yea, I already hit her between the eyes with that one. This has been going on for a while and I jokingly asked her last time, "Do you act like this with all your customers for tips or just with me"? She just smiled and said," some customers I can't stand and barely talk to at all." I have paid attention to how she handles the people ahead of me while I'm waiting. She is friendly but not really flirty, from the few that I have seen. Maybe she flirts so much because I've been her customer so long. That still doesn't explain why she is giving her personal number out.

No I ain't calling her, I pretty much already decided that unless someone has some blow me out of the water advice. 1-3 calls with no return call is pretty much my limit with it being 2 most of the time. These things usually don't bother me too much but this situation is so far in left field and for some reason I like this chick and I don't know why ? That's the part that bothers me, not knowing why I like her, ha ha ha.

What were you referring to when you said "the stalker part is potential cause for concern on more than one level", me being labeled a stalker if she is playing hard to get and I pursue her or something else ?

[devonbrown]

You don't know why you like her? Because she flirts with you a lot and has expressed interested by giving you her number and then has made herself unavailable. That drives people crazy, because they always question the why of it. However, if you bug her about the why, then she will be uncomfortable and will probably resist the flirting too.

I agree, don't call her again. You have made your intentions known. If she wants to call back at some point, she will. If not, don't even think twice about it.

Finally, I agree with Vincenzo. Anyone who works for tips has a vested interest in making you like them. So even if she is only friendly with other customers and more flirtatious with you, it could be that she adjusts to her clients as far as how flirtatious she needs to be. I wouldn't read too much into that part of it.

Good luck.

[GivingUp]

Confusing situation.
Perhaps you should let her do the running next time. You sound keen, and some women want keen but some women find being keen a turn off.
I'd say in her situation I would'nt have passed up your calls but I like keen and being in her situation with children, it is quite tricky to see whether she is brushing you off or simply busy. It is probably a matter of opinion.
Part of the reason you like her so much may be that she is so hard to get, if she suddenly became very easy to get hold of, you might become less interested.
My personal advice would be no more calls, go to the next appointment and be friendly..but not flirty, don't even mention the lack of calls back, pretend you didn't even notice you've been so busy. Throw her a curve ball and see how she reacts. But that's just me.

[ald42198]

You don't know why you like her? Because she flirts with you a lot and has expressed interested by giving you her number and then has made herself unavailable. That drives people crazy, because they always question the why of it. However, if you bug her about the why, then she will be uncomfortable and will probably resist the flirting too.

Actually, I flirt back and forth with people on a daily basis. I wouldn't call getting numbers a big deal. And making herself unavailable I find just plain rude. Have you ever met one of those chicks that is just different somehow(in a good way) but you can't put your finger on it ?

I agree, don't call her again. You have made your intentions known. If she wants to call back at some point, she will. If not, don't even think twice about it

Actually I tried to make my intentions known but didn't get that far.

Finally, I agree with Vincenzo. Anyone who works for tips has a vested interest in making you like them. So even if she is only friendly with other customers and more flirtatious with you, it could be that she adjusts to her clients as far as how flirtatious she needs to be. I wouldn't read too much into that part of it.

Good luck.

I've already thought of this, but her tip is and has always been the same, so flirting more and more isn't doing her any good. But it might be fun to see what she does if I just give her a $1 tip next time. I might try that , ha ha

[ald42198]

Confusing situation.
Perhaps you should let her do the running next time. You sound keen, and some women want keen but some women find being keen a turn off.
I'd say in her situation I would'nt have passed up your calls but I like keen and being in her situation with children, it is quite tricky to see whether she is brushing you off or simply busy. It is probably a matter of opinion.
Part of the reason you like her so much may be that she is so hard to get, if she suddenly became very easy to get hold of, you might become less interested.
My personal advice would be no more calls, go to the next appointment and be friendly..but not flirty, don't even mention the lack of calls back, pretend you didn't even notice you've been so busy. Throw her a curve ball and see how she reacts. But that's just me.

Is inviting someone out for a drink and calling them twice over a 2 month period after being given a number without asking for it keen ? Usually if someone doesn't call me back or answer my calls I just delete the number and move along. So I don't think it's because she is unavailable or playing hard to get. Maybe it's because I've known her so long or that I see her every month or so. Where as if a random chick don't call me back or answer and I burn her number, I usually don't ever see her again.

[GivingUp]

No that's not overly keen, I didn't realise the time span.
Because you see her every month you will be more attached to her than other women before, but she is giving you very mixed signals which is playing hard to get. Sometimes the only way to find out if someone is playing games is to throw a curve ball as I said. If she isn't playing games she probably won't be bothered, if she is, then chances are your sudden change of mood will bring her to you. Either way you'll see her the month after at your next appointment, no loss.

[ald42198]

Yea, I've know her 3 years but she started getting more flirty about 6 months ago. I already knew not to call and just act like nothing happened, but I appreciate everyone's input. Actually, none of this is that big of a deal. Plenty 'O Women out there in the world to worry about one. I was just trying to see if I could get some different perspective on this whole situation. I figured that other females would have better insight into what this chick is up to. I asked a female friend about the situation and she said that a lot of females like guys that don't give up easily and pursue them. But that goes against everything I think. Anyhow, thanks everyone, any other input or points of view are welcome.

What you think about the $1 dollar tip ? Probably just piss her off, ha ha haaaaa