Best thing to do in this situation?

[JadenMia]

So as a few of you know, i got out of a very abusive relationship a few weeks ago..Since then we have seen each other a few times.. But not for over 2 weeks now. So i feel like i have finally accepted that it is over and working hard on making sure i stay well away. I have been doing great with my progress.. Not so much emotions.. I have been having really bad days where i just cannot stop crying, but its getting better day by day and i feel it is an AWESOME lesson for me to learn.

But, it has come to the time where i want my stuff back from him. So i asked my girlfriend to stop by his place to get it.. He told her i cannot have any of my things back until i gave him whats rightfully his. By this he means..

This past christmas my father bought me a laptop. I was so happy as i am a single mother and have NO money for these kind of things.. Well, not even a week later my ex smashed it to pieces because he said it was a way of me fishing for other men.
I was devastated and left him.. A week later he begged me back and said he would buy me a new one.
I did, and he bought me the same laptop back.

A few weeks after he started saying i needed to give him some money for the laptop because it was equally my fault as i were talking to men over the internet.. (I wasnt, just friends over facebook) So i refused. I dont have the money to give him this! I work full time, have to pay rent, groceries, clothes and daycare for my daughter.. I just do not have the money to spare. So i said no, the most i could give was 100. Which i did.

What he has of mine are just clothes, jewellery.. Things i cant really afford to buy myself back but what i REALLY want back is my deceased grandmothers lifting weights.. She left a few things to me when she was gone and she meant so much to me.. The weights being one of them. I just dont know what to do, it sickens me to think he is there using her stuff..
He wants 400bucks for the laptop or he says i cannot get my stuff back. He has already called the cops on me trying to charge me with theft because obviously the laptops on his name..

UGH. I desperately cannot afford to give him the money.. But i feel so sad that id have to let my nanas weights go to him.. What would you do in this situation? I cannot wait to get him out of my life completely.. I just want this over with!!!

[IncognitoSir]

Weights? Are you kidding me?? Damn I don't mean to be insensitive but give me a break. I think your nana would understand you leaving some weights behind to get away from an abusive man. Sounds like you're making excuses to get back over there. Just cut all contact with this guy already. If it means that much to you get a lawyer, if you can't afford one, get a friend to help you get a lawyer.

[JadenMia]

Weights? Are you kidding me?? Damn I don't mean to be insensitive but give me a break. I think your nana would understand you leaving some weights behind to get away from an abusive man. Sounds like you're making excuses to get back over there. Just cut all contact with this guy already. If it means that much to you get a lawyer, if you can't afford one, get a friend to help you get a lawyer.

Well yeah, any of my nans stuff means ALOT to me.. Whether it was weights or a little mug.. Its HER stuff and has GREAT value to me. Sorry if you dont get that..
I dont want to get over there and get my stuff .. If i did i would have gone myself the first time. He didnt leave me, i left him and i want to stick to it for me and my daughter.. I have already told him to go f*ck himself and keep the shit so i dont have to talk/argue with him anymore.. But still. It sickens me he has them. I didnt want to take it to court and be pathetic about it like he has been.. I just wanted to know what other people would do.

[IncognitoSir]

Why are you getting so upset about my response? Not only did I apologize if you thought it to be insensitive (which you did) but I even gave you advice.....it's his place so there isn't really any other way beside a court order to get anything out of their against his will. Unless you wanna go break in when he's at work.

[JadenMia]

Why are you getting so upset about my response? Not only did I apologize if you thought it to be insensitive (which you did) but I even gave you advice.....it's his place so there isn't really any other way beside a court order to get anything out of their against his will. Unless you wanna go break in when he's at work.

I read my post back and it was kind of rude, sorry. lol!
But you are right, i know she would understand if i left them there because he is a disgusting person and has truly shown it since i left. Im sorry, i have been upset and p*ssy all day just because iv been SO choked up about the whole thing. I guess i will swallow the pride and let them go.. I didnt really want to get a lawyer involved or anything, just so unnecessary for some weights.. They just mean so much to me, as we were so close before she left us.
Another reason i was quite desperate to get them back was my father.. (it was his mother that passed) Would be SO devastated if he heard that piece of sh*t had anything of his mothers, he would most likely be upset with me too.. So that kind of jerks me ..
I havnt spoken to him since, and told him to keep them.. Hopefully i might find a way to get them back one day. Thanks for your advice.

[MerryH]

Call the non-emergency police line and ask how they can help you get your things back. I know they will escort you to his place so you can pick up your things without it possibly getting violent, but I don't know what they would do if he isn't willing to give you back the stuff. I mean, the cops are not a small-claims court. I don't know if they would/could make him. I'm sure it wouldn't hurt if you could find some clear documentation to prove that they belonged to your grandmother.

But If I'm understanding it right, he's basically trying to sell your grandmother's weights back to you. For 400 bucks. (****ing loser, btw.) Would it be worth it to you to just come up with the money, get your things back, and be done with it? If this is your last remaining tie to him, would he be out of your life completely? If so, $400 to get rid of this failure of a human being would be the best money you've ever spent. Pretty cheap, too. Ha.

You do understand, though, this isn't about money to him. It's about getting at you. Whether he's doing it to keep contact with you, or screw with your life, or cause you discomfort, or all of those things, it's just another sick way to impose power over you. So if you don't want to give in to that yet again, I think your family would understand. Maybe you could ask your father to lend you some cash to buy back the weights.

What kind of weights are we talking about here? Weird, old-timey hand weights? Got a link to something similar? Just curious.

[JadenMia]

I spoke to the cops, they pretty much know the whole situation anyway so didnt have to explain much..lol He calls the cops on me ALL the time so they know exactly what a p*ss take he is. They said the only thing i could do is take him to civil court, which i do not want to do.. Wayy too much stress and drama for me in this time in my life.
And yes!!! This is what annoys me the most!! It feels like he will find any way to get one over on me, to have some power over me and try to f*ck my life up as much as possible. After all this i have been through with him, being bullied by him for nearly 2 years now.. I feel SO reluctant and determined not to let him do this.. It frustrates the hell outta me. He is such a LOSER!!!!

The weights to me are honestly worth $400.. But i genuinely dont have the money or in any place to be borrowing. I am in the process of moving so a little broke.. But whatever. I WILL find a way to get those things back..
And we are just talking about an average steel set of dumbells. They look like a pretty nice, expensive set of weights though.. I have no idea why my nan had them but they are nice weights. He found them in my storage one day as he is really into weight training etc.. He loved them and begged me if he could use them. So i agreed as were together and didnt see a problem then.. Omg how wrong was i..



These are the exact same.. Simple dumbells.. But they were mine!!! lol

[JadenMia]

So just another question?

Me and my girlfriend were speaking last night and we came up with an idea..
I still have the laptop that he broke. Its not visible on the outside that it is broken, but only when you turn it on does the screen look all smashed. Well we were thinking of just texting him and saying my father was fuming he has the weights and wants them back immediately. We were going to take the charger and the laptop and take it to him, ask him to have all my things packed up at the door and do an instant swap. Me or her collect my stuff and leave. Im pretty sure he wont have any idea that its the broken one, he doesnt even know i kept it, the batteries dead anyway so he wont be able to check until he goes inside to plug it in..Than voila! Id have my stuff.

The only thing im worried about is do you think it is worth it to trick him like this? I mean, he deserves it and i would get what is rightfully mine. But still, he will be furious thats for sure and im scared he might try cause trouble for me..

Do you think its worth it? Im just not sure, i love the idea of me finally getting my stuff back and just concentrating on me and my life again.. But i just dont know if it could cause more trouble than its worth..
What do you think?

I know it seems childish.. Because it is... But if you had any idea how much he has put me through and left me with. This is nothing.

[violingirl]

Doing something childish like that is a good way to get yourself beat up or killed. The guy sounds unstable to begin with and if he has enough anger to smash your computer, he could very well do the same thing to you. Cut your losses and just move on. Forget about him.

[smackie9]

I ask, is $400 dollars worth getting beat for? is it worth your life? No. Look at it as a lesson learned, cut your losses and move on. The best thing you could ever get from your grandmother is memories.........just think about it, what advice would your gramdmother would give you if she were still alive? She would probably tell you to forget about the weights......they are just weights. Just be greatful at the fact you have a new laptop, and a new life.

[devonbrown]

Don't try to trick him. The only way to get them back if he refuses to give them to you is small claims court. You said you don't want the drama of that, but you have to weigh that against your desire to have your stuff back (including the weights). Also, even if you gave him the $400, there is no guarantee that he would keep up his end of the bargain. I would say look into small claims court and then get a message to him that you are willing to go this route.

Good luck.

[devonbrown]

p.s. - Glad to hear that you have decided against going back to him though. That is a huge step!

[hello1]

You know it is a huge risk. He may try it out before you do the swap, he may try it out straight after the swap and see its not working and run after you, he might catch you. Don't you have the keys to his place? if not then the laptop idea properly the only one

[JadenMia]

Hey, yeah i thought about it all day and i decided against it anyway it was a stupid idea i was just so angry..
My mother is friends with the sherrifs wife here and we are going to speak to them today to see what the best thing to do is. So hopefully there is a way around this!
If not i am going to just forget about it if there isnt anything i can do. Ah, whatever.. water under the bridge.

I am doing so well though.. I am so happy i finally left him. Thanks to everybody who gave me advice!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You should start ****ing with him emotionally, through text. You can see how much it torments people on here everyday. Just send him a text like "Thinking of you " or "Missing you ". It'll drive him nuts. Just keep being vague and letting him think he could have another chance. You should also think about taking him to court. If your grandmothers things really mean that much to you, then what's a couple hours in court? It's also possible that he'll just give them back once he's been served..he could also just chuck them though.