Is he playing me? Or what?

[wolfie91]

I recently met this guy, and we quickly became very attached. We joked that we had been secretly living each others' lives in different parts of the country--we had a lot in common and genuinely enjoyed spending time together. At first, I was extremely attracted to him, but I kept my distance because he has a long-term girlfriend and it's not right for me to cause any trouble.

We see each other every day, and on the days I don't see him face-to-face, he calls or shows up. Often, my phone will ring and it will be him, wanting to go flying or hang gliding or something ridiculous. I let him go for a little while, to figure out whether I could handle being friends without getting trapped in the anxiety, and eventually decided that I would rather be his friend.

He has briefly mentioned trouble with his girlfriend and I have given him my best advice. I don't want them broken up: I think they are good for each other.

He is an extremely friendly person. He talks to everyone. I didn't see our friendship as anything special at first and that sort of made me sad. I know that I am solidly in "the friend zone," but why would he insist on being such close friends if he doesn't even like me? Should I stick around and see if it turns into something romantic in a year or two if he and his girlfriend break it off? Or am I just setting myself up to get hurt?

[Bonfire]

No he is not really playing you as he isn't making any advances. He's treating you like a really close friend. But the fact that he spends so much time with you, at least shows there is something about you that he enjoys being around. Whether it will lead to something romantically, that will depends on his current relationship. A guy rarely spend a lot of time with a female if he didn't find her somewhat attractive. If you are afraid that you will develop strong feelings for him, then you might want to back away a bit. Some people can't handle being friends with someone they have feelings for, so if you are like that, it can be best to walk away from the friendship but let them know how you feel so that they will know that they can pursue you if they become available. If you could control your feelings, then just treat it as platonic and enjoy the friendship. I am actually in a similar situation right now, and I am also treating our friendship as platonic, but leaving a romantic possibility in the future.

[Corgan]

it sounds like he likes you...but maybe isn't sure if he wants to leave his girlfriend for you. Be his friend. But be careful not to get hurt.

[spiritofjosh]

You say he has a long term girlfriend, and you are new to him, there you go. You're something new and exciting to his now drab life with his long term girlfriend. It happens, it's human nature to get too comfortable that you start to look for the "new." But if I were you I'd sit it out a little and see where he and his girlfriend go, and be careful if it should end between them, you don't want to be his rebound.

[wolfie91]

These responses have given me a lot to mull over. I don't know that I was expecting such clear advice. Thank you!!!

I think I am mostly just conflicted about the whole situation. On the one hand, I want to be his friend, because he has shared so much of himself with me and vice-versa. But there are times when I just can't reconcile being "just" a friend. You are right that he isn't leading me on, but I am leading myself on. I could never lose him, though, so I'm just going to have to suck it up and be his friend.