Maybe a man may know...

[Confused1986]

There is a guy that I have known for many many years. We have a past, we have a history. We lost touch for some time, talked once in a while. We always seemed to be drawed back to each other. About a year and a half ago my boyfriend and I spit up. This friend of mine ended up texting me out of the blue, and things went from there. (I'm single, no harm done lol) When we are together things are amazing. I am so comfortable around him, I can talk to him about anything. He told me he feels the same. He has shared secrets with me that he has never told anyone else. We laugh, and have a great time, everytime we are around each other. He compliments me all the time, and makes me feel great about myself. I'm crazy about him. I have been for the last 8 years. Even when we lose touch, as soon as I get that message or text from him, all thoes feelings come flooding back. I have always wanted more than what we had. I have wanted to make it offical and have a relationship with him.

A few months ago though, we started to lose touch again. Just once in a while we would chat. I started repairing things with my ex and we ended up getting back together. Being back with him though just didnt seem right, I just couldnt get this friend of mine out of my head... As always, this friend and I were drawn back together and started chatting again. He was honest with me and told me that he was seeing someone. During a convorsation one evening, we were talking about how we miss seeing each other and spending time. So we ended up deciding to hang out one evening. I went to his place to watch a movie as friends... The whole night there was tension between both of us. I knew that both of us wanted to touch eachother, kiss each other, but niether one of us did anything. (Which is probably good.) It was getting pretty late and I asked him if he wanted me to go so he could get some sleep. (He had to work early the next day) He told me no... When I decided that it was time for me to leave and started getting ready to go, he kept hugging me and holding on to me. He told me that it sucked cause he wanted me, but couldnt have me. I felt the exact same way... We have been talking everyday since this night, and are making plans to see each other again.

My question is, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?!?! He knows how I feel, and unless I'm oblivious, I'm pretty sure he feels the same. Why is it like this, and why doesnt he just be with me??

[smackie9]

This isn't a man thing, it happens to a lot of us. He has been wanting you too and was uncertain you felt the same way or he wouldn't have been in contact with you for all these years. Right now he is on the fence trying to make sense of all this.......let things take it's course and see where this will take you. If the passion is there he will be yours, but don't sleep with him. Make it clear to him that if he wants to persue this he will have to make a decision to end it with his GF first.

[smackie9]

As to why it is where it is.......he is feeling a lot of guilt. Things are probably good with his GF and is thinking why throw away a perfectly good realtionship. Just let him figure it out on his own.....I'm sure he will grow some and finally end it with his GF. Well at least lets hope so. For me I waited 2 months on a promise, but he couldn't do it. And when I found someone else, he came back......too late, he missed out..... fool.

[Confused1986]

Thanks smackie9. That was actually reasuring. I hope he does grow some. I just hate the waiting game. I dont want to wait around and have nothing even come out of it. But part of me feels like I need to. I suppose we will see what time tells.

[whatthis]

I'm a woman btw. I posted a thread on the Ask a Male forum and every time I come back to check the responses, some thread in the Ask a Male forum catches my eye (like this one) and I end up typing a response to it. Anyway, here's what I think:

You never mentioned why you guys split up every time you were together. If it's cos he never wanted something serious, then the question is, is it really worth it to mess things up with your current bf just to go back with this guy who you'll probably lose touch with in a few months' time?

And since you have a bf right now, don't you think it's borderline cheating to continue hanging out with your old flame with all these feelings you've been having towards him?

There's 2 things you could do:
If you're ok with not ever being an official gf of his, you should have a conversation with this guy about it before you continue seeing him. Both of you are in a relationship, so in a way you're both betraying your loved ones if you guys talk as much as you do and keep hanging out. This way the ball is in his court.

On the other hand, if you want an actual relationship with this guy, IMHO, I don't think he'll ever want a serious relationship if he hasn't yet (this is assuming that you guys broke up before because he didn't want to be official). In this case the best thing to do would be RUN (unless you have a conversation with him and he agrees to be more serious about the relationship and break it off with his current gf). But if he isn't ready for that, then I really think you should cut off all ties with him and be faithful to your current bf. And by cutting off all ties, it means letting him know where you stand, and not responding to him if he ever contacts you. There's no other way to get over someone you're this attached to.

Either way, you gotta talk to the guy soon. And if he wants to break up with his gf and be with you, make sure you make it clear to him what you want out of the relationship (assuming you want a relationship) - tell him you want a bf and not a fling that might die in a few months.
Good luck!

[Confused1986]

I did end it with my boyfriend. It just didnt seem right being with him. I wasnt happy with him. As for my "friend" we never actually offically got together. Thats why I dont understand the way it is. I'm into him, and like I said, unless I'm oblivious, hes into me too. I dont understand why its never been made official.

[Confused1986]

We both know that were into each other. Hes said it, Ive said it. But for some reason its never gotton any further than that. Maybe there is something more I could do, maybe its him... I'm confused. I've never been in this kind of situation before. If I have a chance I dont want to blow it...

[whatthis]

Well talk to him about it. Make it clear that you're into him and wants to be with him - as his gf. There's nothing to lose there.