Help I couldn't get it up :(

[His Girlfriend]

What a week end. My BF came home from being at work for 4 days, I was so excited to see him, to be with him. I am a very sexual woman and really enjoy being with my BF. We use to do it a couple times a day... Now with life getting in the way... work... kids its more like 3 or 4 times a week... if I am lucky. So I got myself ready, I shaved I put on a sexy little nightie... I sent him many sexually explicit texts, I wanted him so much. He gets home we kiss, caress, you know a little foreplay, he is hard. I lead him to our room. He starts to play with me. I am so incredibly turned on. I try to touch him he pulls away, telling me how hot I am how much I am turning him on. After a little while longer of amazingly hot foreplay we are in a position where I can finally touch him, he is anything but hard. So not one to let a small thing like him being hard or soft stop me I decided to give him head to help things along as at this point I wanted him inside me. Nothing he got a little chubby then nothing... truthfully I have never had this happen to me... and although my bf says its not me I am having a hard time not believing that I don't turn him on. I am devastated. And it pretty much destroyed the rest of our week end. He is back at work. I am here at home.. sad and frustrated... WTF really? Is this a normal thing for guys?

[steviej]

Maybe he needed a good meal and a 12hr sleep after being away working for 4days rather than you jumping his bones the minute he came home!
How exactly did it ruin your weekend? Did you sulk and make a big deal out of it?

[sookie6]

maybe you should wait for him to make the first move when he comes back from work...

[His Girlfriend]

Maybe your right maybe he needed sleep. And I realize that it was silly me wanting to jump his bones... I mean really what man wants his girlfriend half naked waiting for him just to touch her, to jump his bone the minute they see him. As for how it ruined the whole week end. I am not much of a pouter and can sweep most things just under the rug with out even looking back. But my feelings are hurt and I think his reasoning for not getting er keeping it up was ridiculous and kinda of full of shit. Reasons that I never put here because I was curious as to what other men thought before I told what he explained. Oh and just one more quick thought, on your theory that he needed food( he stopped and ate) and a shower and 12 hours of sleep. He lead me to believe that he was as horny as I am. If it wasn't true he should of said I have vibrators that get me off every time.

[Yet another guy]

It's quite possible that he has no idea himself about the reasons behind his... limpness. It's all guesswork. Just because he couldn't keep it up doesn't mean he isn't horny.

[steviej]

As said, you can be horny but things like stress, tiredness etc can effect function. He might have been embarrassed and not known himself why he couldn't perform, and instead of reassuring him, offering him a nice massage and then letting him make a move (maybe the next day after sleep) instead you've taken it personally, made a big deal out of it and probably given him a complex about it!

[Looq]

Welcome to real life! =P

It might go against everything you think you no about men, but sometimes we're just not all that up for it (no pun intended). And sometimes it happens anyway to guys, its just one of these things. I think you making a really big deal of nothing. That's probably what ruined the rest of your week, you have clearly spoken to him, even if you didn't tell him everything he probably picked up on the rest. Plus if he was trying to make the effort and couldn't get it up anyway (it happens) then he was probably taken a bit of a blow to his ego.

Also "its more like 3 or 4 times a week... if I am lucky", well boo-****ing-whoo. You in a serious long-term relationship, your 30+ (if I recall correctly), there are kids involved and at least one of you works. You are very lucky to get it as much as you do! Rejoice in that! You can't have sex one time and your "devastated". Get over yourself! =P

[His Girlfriend]

Okay, I get it, I am making a big deal outta nothing... And basing your reaction to my 3-4 times a week, I am guessing that's an abnormal amount... Which surprises me... I always want more... I want him to want more. I miss him like crazy and now that he is working out of town I am feeling very alone. He told me he just got thinking and men can't preform when they think... Seemed like a cop out. He told me I put to much pressure on him. He made me feel like it was me, then told me it wasn't. I tried not to let it effect my week-end. Despite what it seems like. I felt like I had disappointed him. I tried to move on. I tried to put on my happy face. But it just kept stepping in it. If its in the room I usually do. But thank you for helping me understand... I still don't but thank you for trying...

[Yet another guy]

He told me he just got thinking and men can't preform when they think... Seemed like a cop out.

That's not a cop out. There's no way a guy can perform without concentrating on the act. If there was something on his mind bothering him, I wouldn't be at all surprised that he couldn't keep it up.

[Looq]

Okay, I get it, I am making a big deal outta nothing... And basing your reaction to my 3-4 times a week, I am guessing that's an abnormal amount... Which surprises me... I always want more... I want him to want more. I miss him like crazy and now that he is working out of town I am feeling very alone. He told me he just got thinking and men can't preform when they think... Seemed like a cop out. He told me I put to much pressure on him. He made me feel like it was me, then told me it wasn't. I tried not to let it effect my week-end. Despite what it seems like. I felt like I had disappointed him. I tried to move on. I tried to put on my happy face. But it just kept stepping in it. If its in the room I usually do. But thank you for helping me understand... I still don't but thank you for trying...

Okay, let me try and be clearer then. Sometimes guys can't perform, its normal, it doesn't mean that he's not turned on, it doesn't mean that he doesn't wan to have sex, it doesn't mean that he doesn't find you attractive. It just happens. Many normal things can be at the cause. He could have something on his mind. He might not be in the mood (he might try to because you are throwing yourself at him, but if he's not in the mood he's not in the mood). It might just be a freak of his biology. And it wasn't a cop out (see Yet another guy's post). Long story short: it happens and it means nothing. What's more is that it will happen again. What happens when you get older and to keep up with your sex drive he has to take Viagra? You gonna have a nervous break down? =P

It is an abnormal amount sex for someone in your position, once a week would be more normal. I'm not saying abnormal is bad, its just you might be expecting too much if his sex drive is normal (and is thus smaller than yours). In my opinion you are putting too much pressure on him, the reason he later told you it wasn't you, was probably because you took is so badly. Under the pressure to hold down a job and be a father figure (plus whatever else my be pressuring him) to then be under the pressure of satisfying his girlfriend daily (presumably with insecure reactions like this if he doesn't feel like having - or can't have - sex), I would probably struggle to perform as well.

I don't mean to come across as overly-harsh. I just feel really sorry for this guy.

[His Girlfriend]

I guess your right I am putting to much on this one moment in time. I am lucky. I know that. But don't feel to sorry for him, I'm a pretty awesome girlfriend... Despite the fact that I like to get laid... And unknowingly am a bitch about it...I do try with everything I have to understand his needs... I am not so devastated... My reaction to this has been more due to a whole lotta other stuff that has happened in our relationship over the last five months . Our sex life was one area that in my head was okay. I just needed reaffirmed I guess that this was nothing to feel concern about. I feel as if I need to defend myself, not only to you but to my bf too. I am trying to understand

[sadie_genie]

If the guy isn't turned on by you and he doesn't have any health issues then you should find someone who finds you attractive. If this is a continuous thing, that is.