I need help to get over her. It's too much

[confusius]

Hi,

I have a problem with my ex. I can't get over her. As I said in one of my post we live in the same apartment in college and it's very hard for me. I have been trying desperately to get her back, and now I'm just trying to move on which is also hard for me right now. However, I feel that I am making some progress. Time does help the healing process, and now I feel WAY BETTER than before.

I even tried to be friend with her. My problem right now is that I sometimes get this shift in emotion. I will be able to spend some time without thinking about, but once I hear her voice everything will change and I will want to talk to her.

What happened today it's that my friend told me how he saw her dancing at a party with this one guy that know. F**** my emotions got on the way and I had to call her. I did ask her if she could come back. Of course she said she can't, and then I asked her if I missed her sometimes. She said I don't really want to know and when I insisted to know she said that she does not really miss me.

Since we live together I have noticed that her roommate tents to ignore me, and I also overheard a conversation. For some reason I mentioned that to her. Of course she acted like she did not know what I was talking. I started telling her how I couldn't believe she would talk bad things about me to her friends and such and such and she hung up on me. Gosh I messed up. Before that, this weekend we were able to talk to each other as normal people, like friends. I hate to know she is pissed at me for some reason.

She did tell me several times that she can't change her mind overnight and that it will take time for her to maybe feel the same way she used to. I understand that I need to stop talking about it; and I seriously want to stop begging for her to come back or anything. I just want to get over it. I want to forget about her. I want to move on. I feel like I am stuck here because I will have fun outside, but when I get in my room everything changes.

I need help about how to deal with this. I'm exhausted. Luckily we only have 3 more weeks in this apartment. I know that more I try more I am pushing her away. She is probably far gone by now. She used to be the one to initiate contact, but now because of my desperate moves to get her back she has been keeping her distance.


Thank you,

[DarkHelmet82]

sounds like shes moved on dude... you need to do the same...

[trueblue72]

women often do that. act like you couldn't care less and she may act warmer towards you, if she doesn't then she's had enough. sounds like 3 weeks of hell and then you can move and close the door on her and move on. It hurts now, but in a few weeks the healing process will get much easier, if you're at college there are hundreds of girls without kids and all that to choose from. I'm 35 and i'd die to be in your shoes! look at the opportunity you have.

[confusius]

sounds like shes moved on dude... you need to do the same...

That's what I'm trying to do. it's really hard. I can't wait to get out of here. I feel fine, but sometimes the emotions are really strong that I can help it.

[confusius]

women often do that. act like you couldn't care less and she may act warmer towards you, if she doesn't then she's had enough. sounds like 3 weeks of hell and then you can move and close the door on her and move on. It hurts now, but in a few weeks the healing process will get much easier, if you're at college there are hundreds of girls without kids and all that to choose from. I'm 35 and i'd die to be in your shoes! look at the opportunity you have.

Thanks a lot. I have the feeling that she's going to act warmer towards me, but I'm screwing it up because sometimes I can't handle my emotions. It really makes me upset. I do the exact opposite of things if wants me to do and I feel like it will confirm that she was right dumping my sorry a**. I think with her roommate they teased me last night. When they got back in the apartment they left their door opened. They usually close it when they are here, especially when it's late at night. Well the door wasn't close and I got this impression that they were waiting for me to walk in as I did several times when something was going on between her and me. I kept my distances and went to sleep. That at least I'm proud of it.

Would you suggest that I go apologize (As I always did) or let this one slide? I was thinking letting it slide and try to focus on my last 3 weeks of school. I know I will see her before I leave because I still have some of her stuffs in my room and she still has some of mine. So just wait for that moment and say goodbye.

[DarkHelmet82]

i know dude.. theres a book i read that REALLY helped me.. its called "The Four Agreements" Check it out

[shinygrey]

Breakups are always painful. But you have to find a way to get over it. It's hard I know... you feel empty..and lost, but as you observed, time helps. I wrote a bunch of articles about how to get over you ex. You can take a look [URL="http://shinygrey.com/get-over-a-bad-break-up-fast/"]here[/URL]. I hope it helps.

[robFord]

Just back off. If you want her back you can't do it all at once. You need to give her space and allow her time to miss you and eventually she'll come looking for you. Every time you cross the line and put yourself out there for her, you're actually pushing her away. She knows you love her, she know you want her back, anything on top of that is just pathetic begging and is unappealing for anyone.

Do what hurts the most, cut her off and stick to it. If she comes back, you'll be in a better mindset to deal with her, and if she doesn't, you'll at least be on the path to recovery.

[ev90]

Im going through something similar. I need to just get away from it all and move on. I have to stop contacting and making myself look even more pathetic. I know its so much easier said than done but its the right thing to do. I know I can fall in love again, i just need to find the right person.

Today is Day 1 of no contact for me and this time I'm going to stick to it as I only have two weeks left before I'm outta here. It has to get better doesn't it?

[confusius]

Today is day one of no contact for me again, but I think at this point I seriously spoiled all my chances of getting whatever. She definitely must be thinking that she's have enough of me. I'm so disappointed at myself you have no idea. I wish I have kept it cool. It's hard though, very hard. Courage to you ev90, we can do it.

[DarkHelmet82]

Dude... it doesnt matter what you did... if it was meant to be it would have happened... you are living in the past.. this is why you are miserable.. you can't go abotu thinking "well if i did this it would be different." I did that for a few months and had a heart attack as a result.. trust me man.. live in the moment and stop replaying things in your head.

[confusius]

I still got a warm greeting from her. I did apologize and she said she was sorry about that too. Now time to try to back off again.

@DarkHelmet:
Thanks for that. But I'm also a believe that if you don't do anything to help yourself then nothing will happen. I mean I don't really think it's all about if it was meant or not. It's also about how you deal with stuffs. But yeah yeah it has to be written somewhere first. I will admit that right now I tend to live in the past. I'm truly working on it though. In 24 hours I will spend at least 2 living in the past. Sad I know!!!

[DarkHelmet82]

well you cant sit around and expect it to happen.. but things always have a way of working out

[confusius]

**I know that this might sound a little bit too much. I have decided to post my feelings and thoughts on my current situation on here. I think it will help me scope with the problem.

Well I was wondering. What to do when a girl tells you she just doesn't want to come back now and just want to have fun? I mean as I posted before, she said she was tired of fightings and wanted to take some time and have fun. Each time she will say she doesn't want to come back now. I know she seems to have some kind of issue of letting her exes go and I don't one to be like one of them. I actually told her that several times and I said I want to be friend for the only reason that I want her back. She always seemed very receptive to that. I don't know if it's just a game girls play, but I got this kind of feeling that she was fine with it.

She would want to hang out. But again I could not handle being around her without begging her to come back. My behavior certainly drove her away. Even now I still don't feel very comfortable when I'm around because I want her back. Just like I said before I'm definitely looking forward for great things this summer. So far I can't escape much and I seriously need to get over this really soon, for my own good or if I want to at least get the tiny chance to get back with her. We will be working on our school project together for next year. So I really need to go no contact this summer to heal so I can be myself again around her, and handle seeing her around; otherwise it will ruin my academic year.

Is it or isn't good when a girl can't give you a straight answer about a potential future together? She said she would like to start from fresh if that is to happen and that I should stop digging, and talking about the past. She added we have to cherish the experience, we should start by learning more about each other but nothing is guaranty. I'll admit I saw a little bit of hope in that, but I don't want to focus on it.

This experience and the previous ones opened my eyes on several things. I like to chase demons and I need to STOP. It's not fun to always dig in the past. Other things, I have an anger management problem(ex said that was her big problem with me.) which I'm working on right now with a counselor, and a trust issue. It seems that all of this trace back in my childhood with my unstable family. My parents are separated, but still very much care for each other. Have been on and off for the last years of their marriage. Not official divorce though.

It seems that those years have made some sort of influence on me. The source of my anger problem and trust issues. I realized that these problems have affected my relationships without me knowing it. NOW I understand "everything", I look forward to fixing myself so I can make my next relationships MORE pleasant. I'm tired of hearing that I'm a great, caring, cute and funny guy, but that I go from being a sweetheart to a bad boy when I'm angry. I just want to point out that it is not anything abuse. I don't even break things. The problem is I use what I know about you to make you break down. I will say all the awful things in the world just to hurt your feelings. Most of those things I don't really mean them.

Reason why I don't regret much about this break up because I learned more about myself. The only thing though, I think I lost the love of my life. There much be several of them out there otherwise I don't know.

Lucky me she's still been nice with me. Even with everything I put her through these past couple months. I understand some guys just get cut out by their exes when they try too hard to get them back, but no she still picks up my calls, and come help whenever I need her. Weird to be in this situation though.




**I just had to post this so I won't call her lol

[ev90]

Ever since my post on tue I have been doing great.. I went and talked to someone and it made me feel soooo much better, have been doing great since. I emailed my ex a really strong (but nice) message just sayin
"think we both want very different things at the minute, your happy now and I�m really happy doing what I am so right now I need to go to London and focus on that. We made the mistake of trying to get back together when neither of us were really ready. I don�t know if we are going to get back together or not, we both need this and to be ourselves. But I know right now that is the last thing either or us need to worry about. If its right it will happen and only time will tell. Now we both need to find out what we really want and neither of us know what will happen in the future or how we will feel. Its taken me a few weeks to realise all this and I really am sorry for the drama but I finally think I am getting my head clear! If you ever need me just give me a shout but now I need to do my own thing and think no contact is best for the time being and make some decisions when things are a bit clearer."

I havent contacted him since and dont want to, I wanted to leave things on a strong note and I feel better that I did. I havent texted/rang etc since tue and I am so proud of myself. I just need to keep it up now..

But then last night i seen that the girl he is now seeing went away for a weekend with him and all his friends and a few other of his friends girlfriends .. which means that they are getting kind of serious and now I feel like crap.

Like your ex he has told me that he wants to see what happens with me and him when I get back from London in Sept. He has also told the girl he is now seeing he does not want to get into a relationship and said he is happy just going out with his friends etc. I know he likes her and he said he isnt over me but is getting there.. I dont know if she is just a rebound or what because she is not the relationship type but it still does not help. I also want to be over him by september so that I can come back a stronger better person and be happy and show him that. Im not waiting around and if we did get back together ever its not with this crap, I want it to be as two very different people. I know I am growing up and I have changed alot in the last few months since we have been apart and you will too. You will find yourself and it is the best feeling ever. I know this is a matter of time and day by day and same for you. Being away is going to make everything that bit better cos neither of us have that reminder every day so dont forget that.

For the minute you have to make the decision to stop contacting her, that is not helping. It is not easy and I dont know what made me stop but I did. Even if its just posting stuff up here instead becuase thats helping me. You also need to work on yourself, being away from her and out of your relationship will clear your head and you will be a better person. You sound like your facing up to your anger issues which is great so try and get over that and then deal with how you feel about your ex but at the min just work on helping yourself. When i first broke up with my ex last aug (before we got back at christmas) I was completely in control and really really happy. I learned alot about myself and made the best friends ever in them few months. Honestly being in control is such a good feeling, you just need to get there and thats what is keeping me going too.

Distract yourself now... even go travelling for a few weeks and it sounds silly but get to know yourself.. Dont just go home for the summer and sit round thinking, thats the last thing you need. Pick something you really want to do and go do it.

After the breakup the first time I put everything into my college work and absoulutely fell in love with the course I am studying, it keep me busy and distracted me and made me happy. Because I worked so hard I got picked for the internship Im going on in 2 weeks.. right now thats what I am focusing on and its what is going to make me happy (i hope!!!). Just keep strong and bascially just get through the next few weeks and then your free.. but DONT CONTACT HER. It just brings back all the bad feelings every single time you do.. Today is day 5 of no contact for me (not including the email because that was just closure for me) but YAY!! I am really proud of myself.. show her what she is missing