Is he just being friendly or is he interested (but not very into me)

[confusedasalway]

There's a guy from work I am attracted to. We don't usually talk though we are both heads of different departments. Sometimes I thought he is looking at me but maybe I was just making things up (which is very likely since I'm clouded by my own emotions). during one company drinking sessions, we played truth and dare and he was there when I had to confess my liking towards him. he took initiative to speak to me about 2 hours later (first time talking then I guess) by complimenting my chinese name and added that he has an ex gf whose has the same english name as I do. Guess he was just trying to be friendly.

Some staff told me he was interested but shy so I used that as an excuse to get in touch with him and use that opportunity to find out how he feels. So I wrote a 6 paragraph-er explaining its a personal mail i liked him to take a look only during break time, told him that there are some rumours going about that he's interested, confessed that i'm interested but like to know how he feels truly so I know if there's even a need to pursue this further, let him know I took alot of time wondering if that email should be sent out and that I didn't like to be led on etc.

he responded during lunch very politely and of course he said those were just rumours, commenting that he has no interest in anyone in particular at this moment, also saying that he is honoured that I am attracted to him (because he recalled having me tell him not to think so highly of himself, so he knew my level of expectations for a guy is pretty high). in a nutshell, he was a sweet guy to have rejected me politely and said to let nature take its course. Also said that for the time being all of us are friends and we can hang out together next time with the rest of our co-workers.

He gave me his msn contact (not mobile no.) without me asking for it.

I wasnt intending to add him but I gave him mine. That night, I got a prompt for contact add, it was him. So he initiated the add.

We chatted for a while and noticed he was quite interested in my life. then we chatted on msn the next evening again but it was me who initiated the conversation this time. the 2nd day we spoke, he asked for my mobile no. abruptly. he also gave his to me. he would ask if my fever had gone down (only after 10 minutes after sharing with him), about the frequency of my night classes and very casual stuff. nothing personal.

I sms-ed him one evening asking if he would like to join me and some co-workers for clubbing session (he did before) and i said if he is not interested or felt uneasy, its okay for him not to come. he replied saying he is unable to make it but its not because he is not interested or feel uneasy but because he had to wake up early for an errand the next day.

now its the 4th night we have talked but i'm wondering if i should continue talking to him because I'm always the one initiating convo with him. he would never do that. yet when I do, we usually hit off well. He'd also greet me now (unlike in the past), look me in the eye and smile if we walk past each other. during meetings, he'd try to interact with me more now than before.

Also, I'm quite impressed that he was able to remember stuff I talked about 6-7 months back. For example, I introduced myself during company meeting 7 months back and gave some minibits about myself and I thought no one would bother remembering. Then he'd ask me casually about the details I shared. When ask about age, he was able to tell me he found out the info from linkedin by counting back the years i graduated. (who would bother doing that?!)

I thought he was just trying to be polite by adding me on msn and getting my number. replying my msn convo can mean he is just being polite. replying in details and asking if my fever has gone down, or asking about my life is just being friendly. they are telling me he is not interested because if he was, he would have indicated that when I had confessed.


Like to get opinions on what you think his level of interest is.

[ElizabethLane]

Hello There,

It feels like right now he is interested, but not interested enough to take it to the next level. He is COMFORTABLE where things are right now. Give it time and his feelings will change and grow fonder of you.

But right now he is just trying to get to know who you REALLY are b4 he makes any kind of move. He seems to be careful of rushing into anything, which is a good thing, unlike some men who are just out for

a good time! Hope this helps!

[smackie9]

Id say you kind of put him on the spot there when you sent him a 6 paragraph email interrogating him on his intentions....I bet he felt a bit intimidated. That is a no no. Guys don't like to be confronted with "where is this going" or "do we have a future together". In fact it put him off and that's why you got the response you did. I think he wants to go about it at his own pace...you know, get to KNOW YOU first before deciding if he wants to date you. So just relax and keep chatting with him.....maybe someday when he feels comfortable enough he will ask you out. Just stop being so pushy!

[confusedasalway]

Id say you kind of put him on the spot there when you sent him a 6 paragraph email interrogating him on his intentions....I bet he felt a bit intimidated. That is a no no. Guys don't like to be confronted with "where is this going" or "do we have a future together". In fact it put him off and that's why you got the response you did. I think he wants to go about it at his own pace...you know, get to KNOW YOU first before deciding if he wants to date you. So just relax and keep chatting with him.....maybe someday when he feels comfortable enough he will ask you out. Just stop being so pushy!

Actually I only asked him if he was actually interested in me because I wanted to stop the rumours from spreading. I don't like hearing things from 3rd party and its better to just clarify with him.

True I must have sounded a little aggressive on the email but I couldn't think of a better way to open this up, cuz ultimately, we are both working together professionally and are basically HODs of separate departments.

I just added in words like, "haha, what not" etc. Since teh day we spoke on msn, there was nothing about relationships and what not.

Maybe I'm just not a very good communicator in some ways. Will note that. hahaha...

[confusedasalway]

Hello There,

It feels like right now he is interested, but not interested enough to take it to the next level. He is COMFORTABLE where things are right now. Give it time and his feelings will change and grow fonder of you.

But right now he is just trying to get to know who you REALLY are b4 he makes any kind of move. He seems to be careful of rushing into anything, which is a good thing, unlike some men who are just out for

a good time! Hope this helps!

Yeah, he is quite a nice guy and everyone in office would agree with that. I have guy friends who are interested in me but I don't understand why i don't feel anything for any of them. Quite matured!

I just don't know if I should continue initiating conversation with him as I have been feeling paranoid about bothering him. haha...

[smackie9]

Just let him initiate the conversations.