Am I just a fwb to him

[lisa80]

He always replies to texts, asks what I'm doing, how I am etc
He tells me what he's been doing with his day etc
He usually only texts on the weekend and when he does asks if its ok if he comes over
When he does come over we watch movies, chat, laugh, for hours, ending the night with sex
After sex we chat, have a drink and a laugh etc
I get a big hug and kiss as he leaves
He always texts the next day to say he'd a nice time or will just say somethng silly about last night
My car was broke and he offered to take me to the supermarket so I wouldn't have to take the bus

So is this a guy who is just a fwb or is there more to it? He's quite shy till you get to know him btw.
I've known him for a few years and we did hang out for a while a couple of years ago, just as friends.

I do intend to tell him I either want to be a friend or I want a relationship, I'm just looking for some feedback first because the last thing I want to do is lose him as a friend.

[Yet another guy]

I see no reason why he wouldn't have deeper feelings for you or at least have interest in a relationship. Having a talk about relationship is probably a good idea. Just approach the matter carefully and don't be too pushy if you are worried he might not be interested.

[VincenzoG91]

So he never takes you out on a date? Is he afraid to be seen with you in public? Maybe he's just an FWB, or maybe he's just lazy and comfortable with the situation. Ask him.

[lisa80]

I don't think he's afraid to be seen out in public with me, he said he'd take me to the supermarket, we don't live in a huge town, so chances of us running into someone he knows would be good. I didn't take him up on the offer though as a friend from work took me! (Maybe he thinks I didn't want to be seen out with him?)
Last time he was over my dog was being a bit mad, there's a bit of a jealousy thing going on if anyone gets too close to me. Anyway next evening he texts and says he hoped my dog hadn't been too traumatised today and I replied that he only got traumatised when he was there, he replied with "thats a relief" not sure what he meant by that! Last weekend we texted for about an hour he made no mention of coming over, he usually asks if its ok if he comes over and I reply with a yes, I never ask him over, but I've only once said he couldn't because I was busy (because I was)!

[VincenzoG91]

You mentioned that he is really shy. So maybe he is just very inexperienced with relationships and doesn't know how to proceed. Ask him what is he thinking about you... are you a couple now or just FWB? Give him a hint of what you are wanting, or he might try to give a vague answer.

[lisa80]

Ok, so since I posted this I've sent him two texts, I sent him one 4 days ago and we ended up in an hour long texting thing and he never mentioned coming over to see me, just asked what I'd been up to and telling me what he'd be doing.
Last night I sent him another and he didn't reply till today, which is fine. Anyway I decided that I'd ask him out, now, he's quite into metal detecting at the mo and had mentioned to me a few weeks ago he'd like to go detecting to the beach. So I asked him if he'd like to take deterctor to beach one day and I could carry his trowel? This was his reply "Yes, that would be good, all I want is the treasure tho, anything else is yours!" So I just replied that he should let me know when he's free and we'd sort something out. I never got a reply to that, not really expecting one right now.
So I've kinda asked him to do something with me, just a friendly thing, chose the metal detecting thing because I figure we might get a chance to have a talk, but for me I'm now seeing this as a friendship and nothing more, its up to him now I guess, he'll either get back to me or he won't.
Right move or wrong one?

[Yet another guy]

Right move or wrong one?

Depends on what you're trying to achieve.

[lisa80]

What i'm trying to achieve is to get us somewhere where sex won't happening so I can get the chance to speak to him, I was just trying to see if he would actually be up for doing something other than coming over to mine! I figured if he wasn't up for doing anything other than that I'd know it's just about the sex. So he has said he'd go to the beach, and if he gets back to me about doing that I get the chance to speak to him! I know he said he'd take me shopping, but he'd still have ended up at mine, with my shopping. This way I can pick him up and drop him off, hopefully after finding out what we're about?!

[Yet another guy]

Well, then I suppose that it was a right move to ask to join his activity on beach. I don't see why you couldn't have a serious talk while shopping or at your place though. I don't see any hurry for this though since you consider him only as a friend and he doesn't seem to be pushing for a relationship either.

[reeba]

I think you did the right thing. If he won't ask you out on a date, then you ask him out.

You eventually are going to just straight out and tell him, that you want either platonic friendship OR a relationship. Probably something that should have been discussed before doing the 'deed', if you weren't wanting a FWB.

[lisa80]

That's my problem, I now have feelings for him that I never used to, I don't think I can do the fwb thing anymore, I'm far too attached to him. I want a relationship with him, if he does not want that, then I guess we'll have to get back to being just friends again. He has asked me in an indirect kinda way if he's the only guy I sleep with, he is and I told him this! I never asked him the same question back, I'm not sure why, anyway just after this i sensed a change in his behaviour, he kinda pulled back a bit for a week or so, so I left him be, then he texts me a really nice text followed by the offer of going shopping.

[Yet another guy]

That's my problem, I now have feelings for him that I never used to

Oh, in that case your best bet is to reveal your feelings, ask if he is interested in a relationship and explain that you can't continue with the current arrangement. If you're lucky he might be interested too. Good luck As for arranging the date, I would recommend doing it over phone rather than texts.

I think that it is always to be expected that at least one party develops feelings eventually in a fwb situation.

[lisa80]

Well, the arrangement is that we're gonna take this metal detector to the beach. I asked him to get in touch when he was free for that - until that happens nothing will happen!

[VincenzoG91]

It's good that there is a metal detector handy, because all the unspoken assumptions are going to turn this situation into a minefield.