Concerned about friend who will be getting married soon!

[smilesdd]

Hi! Thanks for reading my post. I have a very good friend of mine who is 33 years old and is engaged to a man she has known for one year. They are very different from each other and since I've known my friend for the past 5 years, I've noticed a change in her since she started dating her now fiance. It's not a terrible change, but she now drinks alcohol (she has never liked alcohol), uses more advanced vocabulary that I'm sure that he uses and has become even more insecure. They are never at her place b/c he doesn't like it and attempted to change her decor which I know isn't her at all.

He is very much into politics and world events, and she isn't very into those things so she is always saying how hard it is for her to keep up with those conversations and feels as though she needs to prove her intelligence to him.

He moved to her area last year and he didn't know anyone, so she took it upon herself to be his only social life and has been with him almost every day since they started dating. I didn't quite think that was healthy with them being together so much or the fact that she was evolving into someone I didn't recognize. I really don't think she has shown him her "real" self in fear that he would not like her as much and now I think, everything is backlashing into her face.

Well, fast forward several more months and they are engaged. They are getting married in a couple of months and she is absolutely miserable planning her wedding basically b/c of her fiance. He takes a long time to make a decision and doesn't even trust her to pick out an appropriate evite for their wedding, so he wants to do it. She mentioned to me that she thinks that she is "temporary" for him, and that he will end up with a gorgeous business woman of some sort. She also mentioned to me that she's been tempted to take off her wedding ring a couple of times to affect him during one of their fights. She is so frustrated and told me that she didn't know how hard work a relationship was.

Since I know her so well and I know her true self, I really don't recognize her anymore and it hurts to see her like this. I really do not think that things should be so hard in a relationship. Should I talk to her about my concerns here? She is really fragile right now, but I'm so concerned for her well being.

[FeelingGood]

This is a tough one because everyone is entitled to their life experiences, we learn both from the good and the bad, but watching a close friend potentially marry the wrong guy has got to be rough!

I have learned the hard way not to give unsolicited advice. If she is not asking for your help or opinion you may have to keep your mouth shut. On the other hand, if she does ask, let her know what you have been observing and tell her that you will support any decision she makes. That way you keep it about her and not you. A real friend does not get attached to the advice that is given but stays really neutral to any outcome.

[smilesdd]

Thanks so much for your advice here. If she does ask my my opinion, I will answer her, but if not, I really have no control over this situation. I'm going to have to support her with her decision even though I know deep down that this isn't right. Thanks again!