My GF not telling her ex about us

[underlord911]

My GF hangs out with her ex alone. I asked her to tell about us to him because them going out makes me uncomfortable and her not telling him even more. She says she does not want to hurt him by telling but she is hurting me by not telling. Btw, she does not like to keep relation public that's why not many know. I specifically want her to tell him but from heart, not by force. If I had to ruin their relationship I would have just gone to him directly.

I don't understand why it should hurt him when they have moved on. It's none of his business. He should not care who she is dating right now. She says that he is alone. Why should I care? Why do I deserve that?

She calls him best friend but she is kind of being dishonest to him by not telling him. Recently, he took her to a formal dinner for her birthday celebrations and again it makes me uncomfortable. I think things would be much better if she had told.

I feel I am well within the rights to ask her to be honest with him and tell about us. She feels that I am not trusting her enough. She might not be doing anything wrong. But I feel in such a relationship, my expectations should be met.

I don't like her letting me be uncomfortable because of feeling scared to hurt him. I am not asking her to lie. Just asking her to be frank. She might not want to hurt him because of the past relationship, but she has to understand that they have moved on. He might feel very bad for a month but then he will understand she was within the rights to do whatever she wanted to do.

I guess there are times where you have to hurt someone… and who you save to hurt shows who is important. This is why I am feeling that I am equally important to her, if not less than her ex.

Just throw in anything you want to say.

P.S: I am not restricting her from meeting with him or going out with him but will always feel uncomfortable until she tells.

[blinki]

you need to get rid of her.

[jb1111983]

Mate, you've contributed to your own worry by giving her the licensce to hang out with her ex. He isn't just another friend of hers and you know that. Tell her you are not comfortable with her seeing her old flame. If she loves you she'll stop seeing him again. If she doesn't you know she isn't over him yet and still prefers him above you. You don't want to be her second choice. Leave her and move on.

[Nie]

Dude.. thoroughly agree with the response before me. Boundaries should not be crossed and I'm afraid this is one of em. I was once in your shoes. About her not wanting to hurt her ex, it might or might not be true. It could be that your gf still fancies him, and still very much enjoys the attention and affection he is showering her with. Dude quit being the good guy. You need to start being selfish by asking her very politely to not see him again. Very often, exes become so called besties when one party is reluctant to let go of the other. The stronger person will call the other bestie so as not to hurt the weaker party as much. Been there done that. What u need to do is make it clear to your girl. Put it all out on the table. Tell her no you can't go out with him. If she gives you a storm about not trusting her etc, LEAVE.

[devonbrown]

The issue isn't really about her not telling her ex, or not trusting her, or any of that. The big issue is when you say:

She says she does not want to hurt him by telling but she is hurting me by not telling.

If you have told her that it hurts you and she has done nothing to try to ease that hurt, then you should definitely rethink how much you have invested in the relationship.

Good luck.