Really messed up!

[bartown22]

I'm female 38 got kids, and been going out with a lovely man for over a year, I didn't think he loved me as much as I did him, he didn't seem to want to spend that much time with me, and had told me he didn't think he would ever live with me, well not until my kids were grown, which would make me 50!! and I wasn't happy only seeing him twice a week.

Anyway after a few dissapointments, I went out with another man, we got on well, so I finished with my boyfriend, but instantly regretted it and we agreed to try again, he told me though that if he ever found out I had slept with him it would be over.

We muddled along for about a month, fine when we were together, but lots of questions when I was at home alone, he was desperately unhappy and made me feel guilty at every turn.

Anyway I swore to him I hadn't heard from or text this other bloke again, he got my phone password and saw I had been lying, so I confessed all, knowing it would be the end, because I did sleep with him, the next day he's texting me again to come see him, and telling me we need to sort it out.

He said he couldn't sleep with me knowing what I had done because it makes him feel sick, and then he did, I keep telling him he can finish it if thats what he wants, and he tells me thats not what he wants, I love him to bits and always have, I regret what I did bitterly, he's so mad at me and I can see that when I look at him, but he say's he loves me so much he doesn't want to lose me, and I need to wait for him to get the thoughts out of his head.

I don't know what I can do to help him, I want this to work, but it just seems impossible, can you get over a cheating partner? we spend hours going over and over it, and he wants to know all the details, I don't think this helps but he says he needs to know, In a way I wish he would just get mad at me, hit me and walk away, but he's not even raised his voice to me, I feel so bad :-(

Doris x

[devonbrown]

Let me get this straight - You cheated on your boyfriend. And then you lied about it. And then you lied about staying in touch with this other guy. And now your boyfriend wants to hear all the sordid details of your cheating?

This does not sound good to me. This sounds like your boyfriend has some personal issues he needs to deal with, self-esteem and possibly masochistic tendancies. And it sounds like you don't really care too much for him since you cheat and lie to him.

It might be best for you to end things with him, not wait for him to end them, and both of you move on.

Good luck.