Can I move on like this?

[Quan]

Many of you have read about my breakup in my other threads.

My Ex and I saw each other tonight, we watched a movie and went to the mall because she had to finish some shopping. It was a great time, we just hung out like we used to do, it wasnt wierd or anything. After we got back to the apartment (now her apartment) we sat down and ended up just staring into each others eyes. She just got her hair cut as well, and she looks better than reese witherspoon in sweet home alabama(same hairstyle now) and i just couldnt resist her.... She looked so incredibly beautiful i had to stop myself from jumping her all night long. We kissed a few times, not making out, just quick kisses on the lips. I knew i should leave because she seemed to be feeling uneasy.

I text messaged her when i left apologizing because i know she is dating someone now and its strange for her to kiss me then go out with this guy (whom she sees every night). She said that it doesnt bother her to kiss me and she enjoyed tonight. She then messaged me something like "you are (and dont doubt this) you really are a great guy."

yea, i know... Ive got the 'you're a great guy' speach a few times before. With her i believe everything she is saying, i can see in her eyes what she is feeling most of the time. She is going to my family christmas thing on saturday, so that will be strange.... since all my family knows that we split up.

So is it possible to move on while still seeing your ex maybe once a week? Does it increase the likelyhood of getting back together, or does it slide you into the friend zone and screw you over forever? I have told her that we can't see each other for a few weeks after christmas day, but it is going to be so hard to be away from her. I promised her i would help her move in the middle of january, so i am going to try to stay away until then.


ugh! help?!?!?!?!?!!?

[Nice Lover Boy]

Dude, you have to stop seing her for good. It's sounds difficult, I know, but you have to otherwise you'll never get her out of your mind. And that is exactly what she wants. Since she sees you as the "lost puppy" now, she knows that you'll be there for her like a sucker. Dude, I know because I have been suckered out that way. I've learned from so many different women and there is not one that will be the same as the last one. "Good-byes" are hard, but at the end, you'll have a new "Hallo". Trust me, you'll only end up getting more crushed by her everytime you see her over and over again.

[Quan]

i know you're right.... I was ok for a few hours but i just moved into a permanent place from living with her... and tonight is killing me. I can't stop crying right now. I hate being in this bed and her not being here. I was staying with a friend and it seemed so temporary that nothing was upsetting me. Being here in this bed is so permanent that it is ripping me apart. I know that after i saw her tonight she just went back out with this guy... I just feel like calling her and making her tell me the truth. I hate how people won't ever tell you the real reason they left you, it just pisses me off. I also hate finding out months down the road what the truth really is. I just can't bring myself to say goodbye to her. I know in my heart she is the woman i am supposed to marry, i just cant move on. I feel dpression sinking in but i have no insurance and cant afford to seek help. I am sinking further and further every day.... the holidays suck... I have to get out of this before i do something rash.

[chocco]

i no that it will b rippin u apart everytime u see her then when u leave u feel like absolute crap because you love her so much n cant be with her... neva get your hopes up with her, it will only crush you more... thats how i am at the moment.. im confused on whether 2 say goodbye or just hang in there!!
its hard i no it....

[Heddy]

Ok to both you guys don't hang on. You have to move on no matter how hard it is and learn to enjoy other things in life. The truth is you may always love your ex but it doesn't mean you can't enjoy life. The best thing you can do for yourselves is release the pain if you don't know how to do this then just find a quiet place sit down and tell yourself you don't wanna hurt anymore and tell yourself just to release it all. This may sound a bit weird but just imagine all that pain moving from your heart up through your body to the top of your head and leaving your body. (i know its really weird but it works) The only thing is you have to be ready to let go it won't work if you still hold on to your pain scared to let it go because you don't wanna loose that last thing from them. I dunno if this helped but i sure hope it did

[ivyhk]

I've been there and still do, so i would say leaving her for good. You gotta know its over and you have to get pass. Seeing her and knowing shes with someone else is gonna kill you then you will just end up getting upset every night when you get in bed alone! And i think nice love boy is right bout being suckered out. I was suckering out someone as well and now the othrt way around. Dont be taken for granted. Neither you or me deserve that. Move on, try out someone else.

Hang in there.

[Quan]

The other night we talked for a long time on the phone about what the hell she is doing. I told her that she is really screwing herself over along with this new guy. I just drilled it into her head that if she doesnt take the 'single time' she had talked about, she is just going to be in the same situation later and hurt this guy. She told me she doesnt have any plans to start a long term relationship with this guy (rebound maybe?). We talked and she seemed to start understanding what she was doing wrong.

So, last night she tells this guy that they need to back off. She says she needs to take her time and have some space to figure everything out. She is finally going to spend some time alone like i have been doing for the past month and figure some things out. I could see in her eyes today that she still totally in love with me, and is truly confused and scared. I told her that i wished her the best and hoped she made the right decisions and fitured everything out.

Well, today was Christmas. I spent the night with her last night and after she went and did her thing with her family, she came back to the apartment and we exchanged gifts. She actually kissed me a few times (which she hasnt done in quite a while) and told me she loved me. She got me some pretty nice stuff for my Jeep and some Jeep t-shirts (i am a Jeep fanatic). I gave her the motherboard/processor i had bought for her because she needs a computer badly, and a set of earrings that match a ring i bought for her this summer when we went on vacation.

We then went to my family christmas thing, we ended up acting like we were back together again. She actually told me she loved me then started making out with me while we were outside the party. The entire night was great. I had already told her that after tonight, we can't see each other for several weeks. We both knew this and talked about it at the party. We just decided to make the best of the night because we both knew we needed each other badly during the holidays.

We left and went back to the apartment so i could get some extra stuff i had. She ended up telling me that she was incredibly turned on by kissing me all night, etc etc. We ended up making love for what we knew would be our last time until/unless we get back together. We went out to her car because she had to leave and so did i. We said our goodbyes and kissed some more. I wished her the best and she said she was really going to miss me. I really felt a sense of closure after the night. I hope its not short-lived because we were so close today though. I am doing just fine tonight, and i will be busy for the rest of the week... so no idle time to sit around and be sad.

I do have more hope that she will come back to me, but i am not going to dwell on it or anything. I will be moving on, and what happens... happens.

I guess i'll go ahead and include our final pic together right before she left, after we said our goodbyes.



I am so going to miss her beautiful smile.

[Nice Lover Boy]

Love does hurt in many places. Never hesitate on your decision Quan. This are strong choices made by strong men. The risk will depend on your last ounce of hope. Wether the hope decides to conclude, or not, you will adjust to a new hope with a new person. It all depends on how strong you are. I know it hurts buddy, we are all here to cheer you up.

[Quan]

Thanks for the reply loverboy. I didnt talk to her yesterday except when she text messaged me to ask me a question. She called me this morning and we spoke for a few minutes. She thought it was a good idea to start telling me about the fun stuff she went and did with this other guy and what his likes and dislikes are. I quickly made an excuse to get off the phone. I don't really want to sit there and let her shove it in my face. I am really going to try to not see her for a few weeks and maybe talk to her once a week. I woke up this morning missing her after only one day. I am hoping since i am working a whole lot this week i can put her out of my mind then just crash at home and go to work the next day. Here's to moving on.

[Colleen]

You are going to go thru many ups and downs before this is done. I'm not sure making love with her was the thing to do, if she is not sure she wants to be back with you. Yes, it made you feel desirable again, but that is fleeting, especially when what you want is a true relationship with her, not just sex. If you truly want to move on then use this as a last good memory and MOVE ON. That will take some cold turkey, I'm afraid. That was the only thing that worked for me. No contact, no what ifs, no sitting by the phone or computer.

And the holidays are the absolute worse time to be going thru this. Once everyone gets back in the groove you will feel more a part of the world and can move on better. Trust me.

Best to you!

Colleen

[ace]

Women are fickle man. One minute they're on you like flies on shit the next they look at you like you are shit. Just the way they are. Pull through it man, and definitly the holidays are the worst time to be alone. From what I can tell though, you're doing it right, getting over her is probably the best thing, otherwise it will lead to only heartbreak.

[Quan]

Good news i guess... Found out shes been screwing this guy for a while... kinda pissed me off, but she actually came out and told me.

I went out this weekend to a big rock crawling event my group hosted, and new years eve night, i met a great girl who is big into rock crawling. My ex hated my jeep, refused to go offroad, and was too damn prissy to go camping. I really appreciate everyones advice on this... I know I am far from being over her, i still love her and would take her back in an instant... but i needed to get out there and actually see that there are other beautiful women who are actually into the same things i am. let's hope for the best!

[KaWaiiSkYe]

Good luck!!

[Nice Lover Boy]

Hey Quan,
It gets me excited to hear that our replies are healing your pain. Yeh, i just found out that my best friend did not accept my invitation to be my exclusive love of my life. But, I am dating again and feel free about it. Hey, i wish you luck and good times with the new girl you met. At a boy!