Just want to know if I'm missing something..?

[a19drift]

So, it's Easter. I went home-home for Easter, and so did my SO. He had his kids, and we didn't spend the holiday together.

Earlier in the week we had agree to get together after we both got back to the city we'd go out to dinner, and I'd stay at his place..whatever. We didn't discuss times. All I knew for sure was that he had his children until just after lunchtime and he was planning to stop by a friends AND possibly a sporting goods store in another town before he returned to his place.

My family dinner ran long, and I haven't seen some of my family for a while so I didn't get back as soon as I'd have liked.

I sent my guy a text asking him how Easter went, he replied and asked where I was. I stated I was still with my family.
When I asked why, he simply replied that he had thought we were doing something, but it's not a big deal. He's just going to do some grocery shopping and go to bed early.

I wrote back just to explain that I wasn't blowing him off, and that we hadn't been clear on any times with each other, so I had no idea where he would be and when, that I'm sorry and had still planned to see him but he should do what he needs to do.

"It's fine, no big deal"

It's a big deal to me though. He says he thought we had worked out the details. Either way, no big deal.

I then informed him that I was on my way back to the city, even though it was probably too late to do anything.

"It doesn't matter, no big deal, really"

By this time, I'm getting miffy. Of course, all I want to hear is that I should still come over, or SOMETHING good.
So I spout off and show my attitude: "Fine. No big deal. I guess have a good night."

That blew up in my face big-time. All I got back was a 'You too.' I'm aware that I deserved that.

So here's my question..wtf??

I apologized. Explained why things didn't work out, at least from my end. And rushed back in hopes of seeing him tonight.

What the hell happened?

[leoben]

Why are you miffed? It's not like you got a flat tire and were prevented from meeting up. You made a conscious choice to blow him off and showed further disrespect by not sending a text saying you might be late. He had to chase you to find out what was up.

He did what any self respecting partner would do in that situation. He responded to your disrespect with disrespect of his own. Next time you make plans to meet up with him, honor those plans. Or at least show the courtesy of letting him know you didn't forget and communicate whats going on.

[a19drift]

I see where you're coming from..unfortunately I can't hand you a slice of this guys attitude over a forum to explain to you exactly why I'm miffed.

How can I tell someone I'm going to be late, when I wasn't even told WHEN to be somewhere? I was prevented from meeting up because I was with my family, who I'm sure you can understand, are important.
Not to mention, I haven't heard from him since noon yesterday, today I had to text him today to even see what the heck was going on. So I think that technically means I had to chase him..not sure.

[Jolicoeur]

What the hell happened?

Hey a19drift, let me share a secret with you: we guys are bad at multiple meaning communication. When your guy texted "It's fine, no big deal", he meant just that. There is very probably nothing to read between the lines.

By this time, I'm getting miffy. Of course, all I want to hear is that I should still come over, or SOMETHING good.

Let me share you another secret: we guys are lousy mind readers. If you wanted him to ask you to come over, a better text would have been "I still want to see you. Can we meet later?".

You see what I did there? I put some useful straight-to-the-point information in that message. Believe me, this works with us. The only thing that would have worked even better is if you had added "I want you to fµçk my brains out". Again, undeniable information. I know this must sound like magic to you girls, but this actually works with us.

"It doesn't matter, no big deal, really"

Third piece of free advice, is that the best way to get on a guy's nerves is to think he meant something else after he repeated more than once what he meant.

G: "Are you upset?"
B: "No." <--- true
G: "Are you really not upset?"
B: "No" <--- still true
G: "Really, 'cause... really not upset?"
B: "NOOOOOO!!!" <--- not true anymore

The thing here is that we can not get out of this dialogue. There is no exit. We don't use innuendo like that and so there is no way to end this. We feel trapped.

So, fourth piece of advice is to tell him later that it was a misunderstanding and get on with your relationship. Do not start a conversation about it. Just clean closure and get on. Maybe a little kiss for good measures and end-of-story.

Last piece of advice, and this is probably the most important one you'll ever get from a guy: do not in any way ever, and I cannot stress this enough, ever, get back to this conversation. Even if you remember every little detail of this situation in a quarter of a century from now, your guy will have forgotten everything about it in a couple of days. Getting back to him about it is not only unfair, but also unnecessarily stupid.

All the best to you,

J.

[Bonfire]

"What we have here is a failure to communicate" - Cool Hand Luke

[a19drift]

Hey a19drift, let me share a secret with you: we guys are bad at multiple meaning communication. When your guy texted "It's fine, no big deal", he meant just that. There is very probably nothing to read between the lines.


Let me share you another secret: we guys are lousy mind readers. If you wanted him to ask you to come over, a better text would have been "I still want to see you. Can we meet later?".

You see what I did there? I put some useful straight-to-the-point information in that message. Believe me, this works with us. The only thing that would have worked even better is if you had added "I want you to fµçk my brains out". Again, undeniable information. I know this must sound like magic to you girls, but this actually works with us.

Third piece of free advice, is that the best way to get on a guy's nerves is to think he meant something else after he repeated more than once what he meant.

G: "Are you upset?"
B: "No." <--- true
G: "Are you really not upset?"
B: "No" <--- still true
G: "Really, 'cause... really not upset?"
B: "NOOOOOO!!!" <--- not true anymore

The thing here is that we can not get out of this dialogue. There is no exit. We don't use innuendo like that and so there is no way to end this. We feel trapped.

So, fourth piece of advice is to tell him later that it was a misunderstanding and get on with your relationship. Do not start a conversation about it. Just clean closure and get on. Maybe a little kiss for good measures and end-of-story.

Last piece of advice, and this is probably the most important one you'll ever get from a guy: do not in any way ever, and I cannot stress this enough, ever, get back to this conversation. Even if you remember every little detail of this situation in a quarter of a century from now, your guy will have forgotten everything about it in a couple of days. Getting back to him about it is not only unfair, but also unnecessarily stupid.

All the best to you,

J.

Dear J,
thank you. I think i'll tattoo this advice on my wrist for further reminder.

[Jolicoeur]

Dear J,
thank you. I think i'll tattoo this advice on my wrist for further reminder.

Thank you for this lovely compliment.

All the best,

J.