Is it sex she doesn't like or me?

[andy_mc]

I've just had a really good weekend with my GF, we've spent pretty mush all weekend together apart from Saturday cause she had to work.

There's been three times when we've been getting intimate and it's gone no where.

First one was Sunday night, we had some wine, got to the bedroom, started kissing, were mostly undressed then lay down on the bed, she then immediatly passes out and goes to sleep, leaving me feeling stupid.

Second one was Monday morning, I wake her up with a cup of tea and a cuddle, we've got all morning to lounge aroudn in bed, I try taking things further and she starts to cry saying she feels pressured ans he's a bad girlfriend for not wanting sex. I tell her it's fine, and I love her for much more thna just sex.

Monday night, we have a drink on teh way home from a lovely day out walking along the beach and then when we get home, we start kissing passionatly and she sask me for a full body massge with massage oil, which I do. Then as soon as I've finished, she gets up, going to the bath room, then goes to go to sleep without even saying good night. Now this is where I feel like an asshole. She notices that I'm not trying to sleep and am just lying there awake looking at her. she asks me what's wrong and I say "nothing really, I'm just being stupid and thought we weren't going straight to sleep", she then starts to cry again and asks if she's a bad girlfriend for not wanting sex, again, I say "no, look I'm really sorry, I'm being a shallow asshole and you should just ignore me".


now yes, this makes me sound like an asshole, but seriously, surely it's normal to want sex at some point over a four day holiday weekend with your GF isn't it? What should I do? I really do like sex but am worried that she hates it. She doesn't seem to hate it, and has really pushed for it in the past but this weekend just didn't seem turned on by me at all.

[Mangochan]

Sometimes girls just don't want sex. Is she on her period? Will she be on her period soon? I know around that time, I get self-conscious about a lot of things, especially my weight (I get really bloated and just feel gross). Has work been stressing her out lately? Have either of you gained weight? The alcohol could also have something to do with it. I'm not sure of her tolerance but I know that if I have a glass or two of wine, I'm tipsy, but the moment I hit the bed, I want to sleep. And perhaps morning sex isn't her thing. Maybe you/she had morning breath? There are a lot of factors. Perhaps you should just ask her for a honest discussion. Or if either of you have gained weight recently, maybe you two should go work out together? You'll be all hot and sweaty and ready for action then. ;P

[Boisdevie]

She feels pressured even though you're not pressuring her. She cries.

Has she had sex before? Sounds sound like an uptight little virgin. And you sound like a perfectly reasonable human being. The desire to have sex is fine.

[Yet another guy]

You're not an asshole. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have some mutual pleasure with your girlfriend. Like Mangochan suggested, you should definitely have a talk with her to find out the problem.

[andy_mc]

Well, she's definitely not a virgin, we've been going out for two years, and sex has been getting better over that time. at first she was always scared and said it hurt, but over tiem, she got much better and enjoyed it a lot more.

She's had a lot of stress at work lately, so it could be that. she's an intensive care nurse and has loads of stress from it as she's in charge of the unit sometimes. I have bad days at work, but at least no one dies on me, unlike her job.

[Cerby]

I find success always comes in communication. When things aren't going right, I default on my basic communication strategy, go to a neutral place (ie coffee shop) and sit down with the person, usually across from them, and simply talk. It works because you both know you're there to have a discussion about something, and it becomes easier to have that discussion.

From there you can find out if its stress, attraction, or a general relationship issue. I find this type of casual communication works very well as long as the other person is willing to talk to you.

[doppelgaenger]

Monday night, we have a drink on teh way home from a lovely day out walking along the beach and then when we get home, we start kissing passionatly and she sask me for a full body massge with massage oil, which I do. Then as soon as I've finished, she gets up, going to the bath room, then goes to go to sleep without even saying good night.

You know what I would do? I would lube up my dick with massage oil and stick it in her ass.

Now this is where I feel like an asshole. She notices that I'm not trying to sleep and am just lying there awake looking at her. she asks me what's wrong and I say "nothing really, I'm just being stupid and thought we weren't going straight to sleep", she then starts to cry again and asks if she's a bad girlfriend for not wanting sex, again, I say "no, look I'm really sorry, I'm being a shallow asshole and you should just ignore me".

Stop being so pathetic; stop blaming yourself and tell her what the problem is. Tell her to stop whining like a baby. "Wahhhh, I'm a bad gf because I don't wanna have sex!" Give me a break!