Need Advice About An Online Relationship

[RoryWilliams]

I've got close to a girl online who I feel I have fallen for - we've never met, so it's all a bit scary and silly right now.

She has a history of this kind of thing and one of the men she has been "sexual" with online before is still very much in her life. She admits freely that she flirts with him still. She calls me her boyfriend and is wonderful to me in all ways.

However, whenever we speak about anything - this guy comes up in conversation. She's made me feel paranoid about them since he's had exactly the same level of contact (ie. none, except phone sex and texts and online etc) with her as I have. Very regularly he will call when we're on the phone and she will hang up to talk to him, or call him back immediately after speaking with me. She admits he's sexy and turns her on - she has said many times that their sexual past has been extreme and that she has done things for him that she hasn't for anyone else (anal beads, videos, photos etc).

I feel as though I am just one in a long line of men who she meets online, plays with a while. I love her and she says she loves me too, but I feel as though I'm being made a fool of.

Should I break this off and tell her that if we're to be together it needs to be together, and just us?

Please help - this is driving me insane

Thanks

[VincenzoG91]

An online relationship is a sad excuse for a real relationship. Step away from the computer from time to time and meet women who live your area.

[warriormaiden]

I don't think this is any different than meeting someone on a dating site. If you find someone you click with, that doesn't make you a loser.


Yeah, don't continue it OP. She's just using you. Her behavior towards you with the phone calls and such, hanging up when he's beeping in, means that she doesn't think of you as highly as the other guy. She obviously has feelings for this man. You're just something to occupy her time.

[VincenzoG91]

I don't think this is any different than meeting someone on a dating site. If you find someone you click with, that doesn't make you a loser.


Yeah, don't continue it OP. She's just using you. Her behavior towards you with the phone calls and such, hanging up when he's beeping in, means that she doesn't think of you as highly as the other guy. She obviously has feelings for this man. You're just something to occupy her time.

I've got nothing against online dating sites, but it's a bad idea to get involved with somebody who doesn't live in your area. The OP admitted that they have never even met. For all he knows, "she" is really a he.

[warriormaiden]

True. But the same thing could happen on a online dating site. Lol, I mean, really, how many times have we heard the story about that guy who goes to meet up with that Dating Site chick, and found out that that same chick had an adam's apple? Infact, I even saw a documentary about this girl who was transitioning and she went out with a guy once, and the next day the dude texted her and said, 'are you a guy?" it took him a full 24 hours to realized he kissed a man. LOL

I just don't understand how the two could be so different. On a dating site you may be able to meet the other person sooner because they probably live closer to you, but to me it's all the same.

[VincenzoG91]

True. But the same thing could happen on a online dating site. Lol, I mean, really, how many times have we heard the story about that guy who goes to meet up with that Dating Site chick, and found out that that same chick had an adam's apple? Infact, I even saw a documentary about this girl who was transitioning and she went out with a guy once, and the next day the dude texted her and said, 'are you a guy?" it took him a full 24 hours to realized he kissed a man. LOL

I just don't understand how the two could be so different. On a dating site you may be able to meet the other person sooner because they probably live closer to you, but to me it's all the same.

Here's a difference: meeting the other person face to face. It's a critical difference, because that makes it a situation where a real relationship is reasonably possible. Text messages or even phone calls with somebody who lives far away is crap by comparison. It really is. Date locally, and you can move on to exciting activities like holding hands, kissing, cuddling and having sex. Online only, no.

By dating real people, face to face, you can discover quickly if there is any chemistry or not. With some long-term online-only deal, you can potentially develop strong feelings for someone without having some important information, like appearance. If somebody is using bogus pictures, you could waste months or even years on a frustrating long-distance relationship, only to discover that the other person is much older/heavier/uglier/whatever than you were expecting. Better to find that out as soon as possible than to waste all that time.

More importantly, some of these long-distance online relationships are hopeless. We had one here recently where the girl was 14 and the guy was 16 and they lived in different hemispheres. They could easily waste years and still never meet, while ignoring perfectly suitable people living nearby.

[warriormaiden]

Doesn't mean they could never meet up, if things go that way.
Just like in a real-life relationship. People waste years and years on this one person, whose probably not even worth their time and effort.

If someone decides that they want to explore any type of romantic WHATEVER, they are running in to the risk that the person they are talking to online, is not the same person in actual life. That's with all internet platforms, friendships and romantic relationships alike.

I guess the reason why I don't feel necessarily against it, is because of a friend of mine. Beautiful, outgoing, was very athletic, got along with all sorts of guys. And she had met this young man online, started 'dating' and was basically ashamed of their relationship. It was purely accidental that I found out what was happening, because she would have NEVER told me.
They've been together for seven years, and have been living together for two years ( but they've been in the same city for three years) When people ask them how they met, they lie about it, make up some dramatic monster of a tale. It's sickening, because I'm the only one who REALLY knows the deal.


My thing is, who are we to judge them? We're not in their shoes, there's no need for us to put shame upon them and call them social retards for finding a kindred spirit with someone online.

[Boisdevie]

Online stuff is OK but only as a beginning. As a way of meeting people.
I met my GF online otherwise we would never have bumped into each other in a million years. But the difference is that after a few weeks talking online we actually met in person. IN PERSON. Now we are together every single weekend. Long term online relationshiip = military intelligence - two phrases that simply don't make sense