GUIDE - How To Get Over Him/Her

[Cerby]

After spending a couple of months on this forum, as well as a couple of other ones, I have decided to reconcile everything I've learned and hopefully make it of use to someone else. These simple rules should help you get over your ex in less time.

1) Do not continue to talk to your ex - If you're really hurting, this will just draw out the pain even further. This includes hanging out, casual visits, texts, calls, etc. If you need to see them for business, make sure its just business and nothing else. DO NOT entertain the idea of getting back together with them for a least a couple of months. Remember, you broke up for a reason, let those reasons sink in before you foolishly repeat your mistakes.

2) Use your support system - Speak to your friends and family, and vent out everything as you feel like it. People will eventually get tired of listening to you, but hell, thats what friends and family are for. This forum is also a good place to read and post to just get your thoughts out. People here will help, but the advice is based ONLY on what they can read, they won't ever fully understand your situation, but it still helps.

3) Re-affirm yourself - You do not need that person if they do not need you. Develop statements that will help you carry forward and feel good about yourself. Things like "I was too good for him/her." and "It's their loss." actually do help if you repeat them to yourself when you're thinking about how much you miss him/her. Develop ones that work for you. I always use "She didn't deserve me", and then list the reasons why she didn't. By the time I'm done, I'm good for another day or so. Before you know it, days turn to weeks, and you're feeling much better.

4) Acknowledge your freedom - Being single doesn't mean being alone, you can spend as much time as you want doing whatever you want, see friends, family, etc. Become comfortable with that freedom, because once you are, its likely you'll find someone new and that freedom will be gone again. Trust me, even though you don't remember it, nothing is as liberating as being single and happy!

5) If you were meant to be together, you would be - If you were the one who was dumped, remember that you are only being yourself, and its not that you did something wrong, its that for one reason or another, your partner no longer felt compatible with you. You shouldn't have to change a thing about who you are, always be yourself. Someone who accepts you for you will eventually come along, and that lost flame will be the furthest thing from your mind.

6) Focus on why it failed - No relationship is perfect, and don't tell yourself it was. Write down a list of what was wrong with your relationship and remember them. You shouldn't have to deal with things that were crappy, especially not if this person was that important to you.

7) Read "The Four Agreements" - This book will make your life a LOT easier and can be found at any local bookstore. I'm not going to summarize it here, but it is an EXCELLENT tool for not only this type of scenario, but life in general. (Special thank to Darkhelmet for this, he has been pushing this book and its worth it)

I know these aren't all the strategies for getting over things, but as I don't condone rebounding, I left it off the list. Hopefully this guide can help someone!

[DarkHelmet82]

well said.. I couldnt have said it any better.

[seganomics]

Does anyone have any suggestions that is along the same vein of "The Four Agreements" that is slightly more secular?

I really enjoyed the message about the book but the religious aspect started to make me feel uncomfortable.

[DarkHelmet82]

read it and disregard the religous conotations.. I didnt even seem to notice them to be honest. Substitute the word God with enegry... its the same thing. But to directly answer your question.. I think all books of this type have some kind of religous aspect.

[seganomics]

I did read it, and I love the message and I'm going to try my best to live by the four agreements.

But I found it hard to disregard all the religious themes towards the end especially. It's not that I'm not spiritual... but all the talk of dreams, demons, hell, heaven... for me anyway it started to erode from these great concepts for every day life.

I'd like to write a self-help book that doesn't focus so much on that aspect.

[robFord]

I bought the book yesterday due to the overwhelming support it receives on this forum. I'm hoping it'll do me some good. 'Energy' knows I need it.

[DarkHelmet82]

The heavan and hell aspect doesnt have to be religous... Hell= a place nobody wants to be in and Heavan = the place everyone wants to be in

Whats hes saying is you can either live in a living hell or a living heaven.. Also you dont need to read the prayers section.. I personally skipped that part too..

Rob you will like the book. Let me know what you think

[seganomics]

That would be my advice to anyone reading the book too. Use some word association and skip the prayers at the end. Unless you're into that sort of thing, then they are some powerful words to share with God... it's just not for me.

[NytNrs&Mmartist]

OP ... Well said. Amen Indeed I agree ∞%

but thats an ideal way though


1.usually what happens is that a person got out of the relationship then takes those hurtful/resentments/feelings towards the new relationship.
statements like. "he cheated on me so all men are cheaters/dogs/pigs or all men are the same"

2. which sucks major juevos since now since she is screwing herself from a chance of finding true love [when a man is sincere towards her and she has that mentality that "all men are yadayad"a in the back of her mind]

3. since she gets cheated on. she "might" cheat herself. then the sincere man repeats the vicious cycle. back at 1

[DarkHelmet82]

To be honest I didnt even consider the prayers part a necessary aspect of the book.. I considered it more of a "additional reading" section that is optional.