Ok Here is My Novel (VERY VERY LONG but some people told me to post it anyway)

[imokurnot]

My girlfriend of 7 yrs broke up with me @ 6 weeks ago. I am 39 and she is 31. She was cheating on me for the last month and ended up with the guy. The guy, to complicate matters, happens to be her best friends cousin and they met at her best friends "family" birthday party. She couldn't break up w/me and then finally did. It wasn't that convincing I guess so I sent a dozen roses to her work the next morning. I knew something was up when I received no phone call only an email to say TY. Nice email but still not what I expected. So I start to snoop her email for which she had given me her password to help her with some things earlier. I found an email from the guy and I was pissed obviously. I called her cell and left a message asking how they were doing at his house tonight and stated his address that was in the email on her voicemail. She calls back and says I'm sorry etc. So morning comes and I am hurting, she calls me and it is a Tuesday morning early. He lives about an hour from where she lived and I still do. Not together but she used to live in same city. First thing out of her mouth is "I love you". I reply with the same in return. She and I talk as she drives and she finally says "do you want to go to my counselor with me right now". Me being emotional and stupid at the moment I agree to go with her. We go to the counselor and discuss our break-up and I start to figure out that she recruited her counselor to help tell me it's over. Evidently she had been asking her counselor or telling her that she had been thinking of breaking up for about a month. What a coincidence, same amount of time she had been seeing R (new guy we will call R from here on). So we go over some things and finally leave the counselors office. I am still very unresolved as to our ending, why, how, etc. but whatever.

As we are leaving the counselors office she reaches to take my arm. She notices the window and the fact we are in clear view of her counselor and she pulls back from reaching for my arm. I tell her I don't care if she sees, grab my arm if you want to. She does but by then we are out of the view from counselors window. In the car on the way back home she kisses me and holds my hand as I drive. We get back to my house from counselor and we talk and kiss and roll on the bed. We cry, we laugh and we eventually have sex a couple times. After a couple hours of emotional hugs and embraces, sex and laughter she has to go to 2 more appt’s with various doctors or dentists. I ask her if she is planning to come back by and if so I will get our favorite Chinese take-out for us. She readily agrees and kisses me goodbye as she heads out for her doctors appointments.

When she leaves I feel hurt but ok because I can see she is confused and loves me still. Maybe she made a mistake and knows it now or at least is thinking she may have? I also think back to her counselor and our talks in the office. I feel I was argumentative and arrogant and came off poorly. Under the circumstances I was probably ok but still didn’t want to leave that impression of me with anyone. I write out a thank you card and say I was confrontational and upset etc. I thank her for her time etc. and I drop the card off (the office was closed dropped it in mail slot) and make my way home. As I drive I have something happened to me. I started to see some of the things my ex had problems with in a new light. I know everyone will say this is because I got hurt and would never have realized these things otherwise. I am not sure if they were brought up correctly at some point I wouldn’t have seen them. I asked to go with my ex to counseling as a couple many times and she never took me up on it. I just didn’t give her the attention she wanted and needed in the end. But more than that my attitude had changed with even my close friends and I saw that I had become someone I wasn't happy with or liked realizing at all. Not just in the relationship with my girlfriend but in all areas of my life. It wasn't me at all and it wasn’t a part of who I am or desired to be. I was not happy with myself or my situation and got complacent. It was an epiphany and I never have believed in stuff like that or life changing moments or whatever. Well my ex gets back and I tell her a bunch of things that I now see how she felt a certain way or wanted me to see something etc. She cried and said, “Now you get it!”. I gave specific examples of things we had argued about or she had resented about me in the past. She thanked me for going through so many and truly knew I had come to realize some very important things about myself and our relationship. You have to understand I am very confident and opinionated when it comes to some things and I never back down, so this was huge to her.

We kiss, cry, hug, etc and have sex a couple more times. She continues to tell me she loves me and had earlier stated she just wasn't in love with me anymore. Well at one point in the evening she states, I am "in love" with you still. Then at various times says, "I don't know if I did the right thing". I say hey we will take things day by day and see what happens. I realize I had become complacent and I will have to prove to you I have had a huge wake-up call and I am the guy you fell in love with. So we have sex again and then cry, etc. etc. etc. She says can I call R since it is late and he knew where I was going today. I say sure I will even leave the room for you. When I come back in she says he must be on the phone and says he must be talking to V (her best friend will be from here on known as V). I have no idea the relationship between the two at this point. She calls her friend and tells her to get off the phone with R and she calls him. I come back in the room and she says he is a nice guy Drew. I say cool, so am I. She says I know you are and he knows I am here and he let me come here today. I said I hold no grudge against him, he wasn't the one in a committed relationship. She says you want to let him know that because he is afraid of you and you being upset (my ex probably told him I was a boxer and kickboxer but that was YEARS AGO). I say I will and she dials him up and tells him that I want to talk to him. I say No grudge etc. and he says to me "What I would hope is the two of you give it another try, 7 yrs is a long time" I reply, I don't know if that will happen but TY. She gets off the phone and things have changed a little. Not a lot because we still kiss and stuff and like 2 hours go by it's like 1:30 am & I can tell her wheels are turning big time. He told her to ask me what he had told me on the phone. She asks me what he said and I tell her. She says, "Ah he is probably hurting and calls him and no answer. So she says this which is weird, "will you leave a message on his machine and let him know nothing happened and tell him I love him" I say whoa, you crossed the line there, I'll tell him you have feelings for him and thank him for letting you come by but no lying and nothing about you loving him is being said. I do it to show I am strong and confident I guess because it sucked big time to do it. She says right before I do it, “good show him he has competition”. I was kinda pissed at that but let it go I was emotionally drained at this point and didn’t want another long drawn out explanation of the meaning of her words.

continued

[imokurnot]

I walk her out to her car and I say day to day and we take it from there, no worries (I am very confident in myself and my chance to prove myself, that is, if I am given a chance to be myself and have fun again). So at her car I ask her if she is going into work in the morning (she just one month earlier lost a $7K bonus for calling in sick to often this quarter) she says yes. I tell her go do your job the way I know you are capable of doing it, it's never too late to get back in good graces at work. So she leaves and when I wake up I decide to send another dozen roses with a 4 page letter I had written for her overnight (I slept 2 hours). I go to work for a bit come home expecting a message from her and get one. Only it’s not from her but from the florist. They say she called in sick and can’t deliver the flowers. I am livid. I call her cell and he answers, R that is, and says she is not available. I am pissed I call again. No answer, again no answer so I leave messages. Finally she answers and I tell her to come talk now! She won't I get pissed and she says ok Ill come by. Never does and won't answer my repeated calls all day and night. The next day she says no contact (NC). I say what? “You need to tell me what the hell is going on after Tuesday night”. She won't and says NC or ill get restraining order. I say WHAT? For what? No response and she then hung up on me. No answer at all from my attempted phone calls for the rest of the day. Finally I reverse directory and get his number and call he answers and I and say I need to talk to her and I need to get closure. He says, “Tuesday was for closure Drew”. I could have said well having sex all day etc. is a weird idea of closure but I may be wrong about that. Instead I just repeat I need to talk to her. He says you will most likely never hear from her, ever again. I say whatever and cry and hang up. A week goes by and she calls me on Sunday night at 12:10 am (Monday early). She says "I love you" I say same. She says she is sick, it’s her stomach and needs to stop and get milk. Being the nice guy I am I get in car and race to the store and beat her to her house. I put the milk on the front porch with sign "Got Milk? I did!" with an arrow pointing to the milk. I get home and no call, she should have been home by now for sure. I call her and she is at the store by my apt. This is out of her way if she is going home by a long ways. So I say can I come see you? Yes she says so i rush there and we hug and smile. She is hungry and says, “let’s go to Del Taco” I agree we and we take different cars to Del Taco, all of 2 blocks from where we were. She gets out of her car and into mine to go through the drive-thru and first thing out of her mouth is "I can't do this anymore this is the last time I can see you", I say huh? Whatever and we eat our food but the mood has changed. She says she is confused etc and I say, Then see us both and see which one you decide upon”. I don't expect any favoritism, see who you want. She says "I couldn't do that to him". I say, "Well you did that to me. Only I had no idea and therefore no chance to compete". Ooops she is pissed and gets out of car and says, "Goodbye Drew". I say I was just being honest and we kiss goodbye. A few days go by she is saying NC again and pushing the restraining order. I am hurting now because the communication is horrible on her end and I have no answers, and many questions.

She finally calls me the night before Thanksgiving and comes by for a minute. She asks if she can bring her cousin (a guy) so she doesn’t get all into me. She tells me with him there she won’t get to emotional or anything with me. She comes alone after all, and at first says we can talk here in the parking lot that’s it. We end up in my room and just talk. She will only peck me and says anything more would lead to other stuff so that’s all we can do. This is because she is exclusive with R I am not stupid. I agree anyway and she leaves and we don’t talk on Thanksgiving although I send emails on Thanksgiving, a few actually, telling her my changes etc and I love her etc. So a few days later she calls and says hi. We talk and she says she will come by and say hi again. We peck etc and she is hugging me a lot and hard.

A couple more days go by and she calls we talk all nice and she always says she loves me in these talks. We talked a day or two more in a row which was a new thing for us at this point. Then on the third day she calls early and we talk more lovingly or whatever and I was kind of saying things like I have moved on somewhat but not directly. She says, “have you given up on me already?” I say I don’t know yet, just going day to day. She calls back 10 minutes later and I don’t answer. She leaves message and gets jealous and thinks I am with someone and that’s why I didn’t answer. I was working, but ok, who am I to ruin a good play that she made up in her own mind so I just left it at that. She calls me that night from his house late and pretends I am V (her friend) and says, “Goodnight girl I love you. Talk to you tomorrow”. The next morning she calls and we go to a donut shop and eat. She tells me that she told R that she wanted to see other people. He cried got hurt etc. and she stuck to her guns and made him comply. She tells me very proudly that she is in control of this relationship! I want to know who R is to V so I say, “Is R, V’s cousin?” She says yes he is. I say, “oh no that will make it harder to overcome”. I ask why she isn’t amazed that I pulled that out of my butt and knew he was a cousin? She said she is used to me doing things like that and nothing surprises her that I figure out. She is going with V and family to a concert that night so I knew R was going to concert with her. She admits that he is, but insists she will come over after concert. She does come over that night and we have a great night. I had candles and a bunch of Usher songs that I made a mix of playing for her. She comes in room and immediately starts crying and says I never did anything like this when we were together. I say I know I got complacent, and state that she knew I was romantic in the beginning and I lost it and I am sorry for that. We have sex a bunch of times and cry, hug, kiss all night long. We get up and go to breakfast and have a blast. We are like old times again and having fun. She leaves in middle of day and has to go to her friends families (one of the members) birthday party but she will come by after she is done. She comes over @ 10:00 pm and looks good. I say he was with you huh? She says yes it was his dad’s birthday party. She also tells me that he had asked her to come to his house and spend the night but she was thinking of me all night even though she was with him. We have sex and cry etc.

In the morning she goes to work and I call her because I just got a job offer in Texas that I may take (I live in Cali now). She freaks out and cries and leaves work at 9:30 am and comes over. We, you guessed it have sex and discuss offer. She is crying all day and says lets make dinner like we used to together. I agree and take a shower while she calls V and I get out and it’s kind of different once again. I go on errands with her and when we are done she says, “lets not do dinner tonight I need some Y(my ex-g’s name starts wthY) time”. Well I agree that I may need Drew time as well although I am not happy about it I say ok. She leaves and I don’t hear from her all night until she calls me at 1:30 am and says don’t go to Texas. I tell her I am asleep and we will talk about it in the morning. I call her in the morning and she tells me she had even asked her mom what would happen if she went to Texas with me. This is huge because her mom and her are best friends and in the end her mom and I did not get along at all, not one bit. Her mom told her she wouldn’t stand in her way if that made her happy. Wow that was huge, but her mom also told her that she needs to let me go and stop being selfish. Tells her that she wants to have her cake and eat it too, so she has decided to let me go. I say well I declined the offer anyway because I was moving too fast and the only reason I was even considering it was to run from her and my pain. I would have been miserable after a while and stuck. She is pushing me away and building up a wall or trying to I can tell. That night she goes to his house and spends the night and I don’t hear from her at all. The next day she had day off to go to counselor and she called me after the appt. I talk to her and she comes by but won’t kiss me, only pecks again. She says she had no plans on calling me at all and obviously didn’t think she would see me or come by. I say no worries, I am glad you did though. Obviously she is exclusive with him again and can’t cheat by kissing and it would escalate if we kiss. I walk her out and she is smiling as we go out of the gate in my complex as she was looking at me. I ask her why the smile? She tells me “you, I am smiling because of you.” Then continues with, “I don’t know when I will see you next, but no limits, I will not put any limits on myself”. I don’t ask what it meant and she leaves.

[imokurnot]

The next day I text her a provocative message saying something like “come over after work. No words just fun, not a word out of either of us all communication will be done with bodies and eyes” Finally she calls me @ 4:30 pm and I answer by saying, “I knew you’d chicken out”. She says, “No, dinner”. I ask ok you want to go to dinner huh? She says no will you make it for me? I say sure come on by. She gets here and I made dinner and it was ready for her. She says I can’t stay I have to help that old couple that I fix dinner for and I can only eat and lay on the bed with you for 15 min after. We do and as she leaves I told her I was leaving to go to the office to pick something up and we walk out. I was behind her on the freeway and not even trying to follow her at all. She was going the opposite direction from the old peoples house but towards her new mans house. I call her and say “Hey I was behind you and you were going to R’s house not the old people you help out”. “You don’t have to lie to me as I don’t care and it is none of my business where you go. Not my world and none of my business. Just don’t lie to me even to save my feelings”. She didn’t like being called a liar and never has. She calls back and says Drew, stop it. I say what I am just saying that you don’t need to lie to me that’s all. She says I can’t handle this and hangs up. I call she says no contact it’s just easier that way.

Well I figure things went bad and I text messaged her a few times with no response. She emails me and threatens a restraining order again. So I just want to know she hadn’t done anything dumb like start that process and I repeatedly call her and ask did you go to get order. I call over and over and ask did you file a police report? I text her and say all I need to know is yes or no did you go to police? I tell her 1 minute to text me and just say NO or Yes. No reply all weekend. Well Monday comes and I get a call from the police. The guy is nice and I apologize for my ex not being an adult and communicating with anyone and involving them. He says just don’t contact her and move on. I say ok no problem. So I send a mean email a day or so latter. Then I decide ok it’s over and she went to police for no reason and couldn’t even contact me to tell me. So I am pissed and I call her new boyfriend and get his voicemail. I tell him all the things we did over the past weekend. I tell him she said I am the best she ever had and that is after 7 yrs and you are in new relationship you better try harder dude. I tell him she was at his dad’s b-day party and he asked her over and she told me she came to my house because she was with him but thinking of me the whole time. I tell him we had sex etc. etc. I tell him remember when he said I would most likely never hear from her again in my life? Well if you consider having sex about 20 times and her calling me right in front of you and pretending I am her friend V and saying I love you to me right in front of you then yeah you were right I haven’t heard from her. Etc. etc. He called me the next day and I jumped his ass and said look at the end of my message I told you that I would never contact you again. And I start to get really mean and scream at him. Lol he is a wimp no reply and I hang up. I feel mad so I call him back and he won’t answer, oh well I give him another voicemail and an earful that he shouldn’t be provoking me or I will come down to his house and beat the crap out of him and rip out his heart with my bare hands lol. Childish I know but I was in a rage. I would never hurt him or even touch him but he is so scared of me I think it’s funny. Hey if he didn’t knowingly cheat with my girlfriend of 7 years he wouldn’t have these worries would he?

[imokurnot]

This had been 2 weeks now of no contact and she was really making me believe she meant it. Earlier this week I had left her a message that I had her present and wondered what I should do or if I would have the chance to give it to her. I told her I had bought it weeks ago when we still were talking and it isn’t anything big etc. She never replied at all and that was Monday morning I left the message. Until last night that is, when I was on this forum and she stopped by to drop off Avon for my roommates girlfriend. She called and only gave me 2 minutes notice. I say come on up and she has a present for me. I hadn’t wrapped hers or written anything in the card yet because I didn’t think I would have the chance to give it to her. I say can you get it a different day and she says it’s ok I didn’t expect you to get me anything. Her gift was small but I wanted to wrap it and write the card out and I will. Her little sister was with her and I had been getting ready to hop in the shower so I had been without a shirt as of yet and I excuse myself to put my shirt on and come back out. I was not looking my best and I say, “I wish I had more notice I was just getting in the shower and look terrible”. Her reply was, “You look great Jossette (her sister) saw you without your shirt on and said WOW his body is awesome!”. I blush and say thank you Jossette for the compliment and I am so damn happy her sister is cool! They leave and I open the card. It is not good really and in it she says go on with your life and don’t look back Dew, I won’t be there. I have moved on for myself and you should be happy for me. Ouch my friggin heart I can’t take the pain. So I go to bed more disappointed and figure that is it I won’t hear from here again.

Then at 12:30 am I get a call but don’t wake up right away and miss the call. I am stll half a sleep and the cellular rings it’s her ringtone (Strange Love by Depeche Mode) so I jump up and answer and she says, “Merry Christmas”. I say same to you and she says it was good to see you tonight. I say you too. I say sorry I was mean at the end and I hope you don’t hate me. She says I don’t and could never I say ok good. I tell her that I needed to get angry to get it all out I guess because now I am ok with everything. I say it seems harder for you to see me now than for me to see you. No answer and I say ok I am going back to sleep take care of yourself. I do and then I send her a animated red rose multimedia message to her phone. She replies and says “Thank You”.

I complimented her and if anything made myself too available to her and even when I didn’t pay enough attention to her I was always right her at home with her. Maybe that wasn’t a big enough challenge for her I don’t know. She did say she had stayed with me for 7 years because I always was such a challenge, so who knows? She always was very jealous and I never cheated and really was the most respectful guy I know of. I knew she was insecure so even when we went to the movies and she would remark how an actress was pretty I would always answer it with, “she’s ok”. I wouldn’t even flirt at work with girls even innocent (if there is such a thing) flirting. I was respecting our relationship, her and myself because I try to treat people the way I want to be treated. Our sex life was very good if not great and in 7 years there were only 4 times she didn’t orgasm as I made sure to satisfy her first most every time. The 4 times she didn’t was due to her being tired and her convincing me that it was ok for me to stop and not to worry about it and to finish for myself. I made sure by confirming that it was ok at least three times every time it happened. Money was tight (I had a 80K job and got laid off and was out of work for 7 months) and that was a problem and cut into our fun and excitement in the going out area. Now it is good again for me financially but there is some resentments there I am sure we would have to overcome. The new guy is younger than me and her actually as he is 28. I lied once and text messaged her and said that me and my friend had gone down to his house. I tell her we had seen the two of them together. I also said, “and he is a dork”. We really didn’t see them and never even went down to his house. She text messaged this reply “Dork or not he has me and you don’t. You had my heart and broke it, it can’t be fixed”. My friend was with me and he busts out laughing. He says she didn’t deny it, she thinks he’s a dork. LOL. He has a condo but not worth that much in the area it is located. So he does have more money than I have and evidently is a nice guy from what I can see. I think she made a mistake and I think she even may know that to a degree. Yes she likes the guy but I think the pressure of hurting him and her best friend and her best friends family is too much at least for now for her to break from.

CHRISTMAS NIGHT UPDATE...UPDATE #1
She called me at 10:45 pm and I didn't answer it. She left message. She called cell and I didn't answer. She left message. Were those the right moves? I was being to wimpy and no challenge at all so I figured I'd give it a shot....

DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS UPDATE...UPDATE #2
She called again this morning once on home phone and once on cell. I didn't answer either call. This time she didn't leave a message on either though.

UPDATE #3
Still Dec 26th but she called like 6 times on cell and I never picked up. Wow this avoidance thing works fast lol. She finally left a message and said she had a question for me. I called her back and she wanted to know if she could still contact my 13 yr old daughter. I said well ok. I paused and she knew somewthing was up. so she said, "what?". I told her it was ok with me but my ex-wife asked me to tell her not to. She calls ex-wife and my ex tells her the same thing lol. She thought I was trying to hurt her and it wasn't my ex that wanted her to not call. Nope it was the ex lol. She cried hard as we talked for an hour and she came over. I gave her her Christmas gift and she cried and couldn't look at me. She said she loved me etc. and we parted ways both with the understanding or at least we said, we would never talk again at least for now (never and, at least for now, are pretty different scenarios but she said it so whatever....)

Update #4
I sent her an email last night about depression and the effects it has on relationships. I was saying I had closed the door and I wanted her to see the things that I had read because they describe exactly her behavior and my reaction to it. I said, "I hope this helps you in your current relationship or any future one. That is how much I care about you being happy."

I lef ther a voicemail telling her that I had sent it and she called within a half hour. we talked and she cried and said she loved me when we hung up. She said I love you and I know you may not believe that but I do and always will. I said I know ok goodbye. She called back 30 seconds later and asked if I heard what she said. I said, "No" She says I told you I love you. I said oh ok I know you do. She cried hard and I felt like crap. But I let her cry and said I jhave to go and she cried and tried to say something but I couldn't make it out. We hung up.

Then today she emails a reply to my email (the depression one) she only got it this morning. Here is reply.......this after I told her I had closed the door.....

.I'm sorry that you feel this way and I made you feel unloved, but I did love you with all my heart. I hope you believe that. I guess we did misunderstand each other and I felt our relationship was hopeless. I lost faith in me and you and I gave up because I couldn't fight any longer to keep our love together. What I did was wrong. I'm sorry for all the hurt I caused, but I can't take it back. I hope someday you forgive me and if not, I will have to live w/the consequences. I'm glad you're happy now! That's all I ever wanted....even if it meant sacrificing our relationship in the end. I do feel your closure and I see the door closed forever. Yes, it hurts, but I will be okay because I know that you're the Drew I fell in love with. Good luck Drew! I will miss you and Devin and I am human.....I do cry when I'm alone and I think of everything that was lost. I will always love you.

[Quan]

my eyes fell out after the first post... sorry, but good luck.

[imokurnot]

my eyes fell out after the first post... sorry, but good luck.

Fell out from the length or the material? LOL

[Quan]

length... its way too late to read that much... maybe tomorrow

[imokurnot]

Yeah I didn't even want to post but in another thread a person wanted to see my story so I put it up anyway

[Jenrick285]

I skimmed through a bit of it, but I read a bit of it
Actually sounds like what happened to me... gf of 7 yrs, cheated on me, I broke it up and for a coupel months lingered because I still loved her, but eventually I got to the point where I realized I needed to move on, especially when she's still seeing this guy so I just stopped answering her calls and emails.

Posting it was a good thing btw, it kinda lets things out and it brings things under a new light...
I'm sure your friends have already told you what you should do, but just remember that she doesn't respect you or that guy, or even herself. For me it was really hard to turn my back but it was jsut something that needed to be done, and the longer I put it off, the harder it was going to be in the long run.

[imokurnot]

Did she ever make a play that seemed like she wanted ytou back? Or just toyed with you? Thanks for reply. How are you doing now? New girlfriend or dating? I hope your doing well and thanks again for input.

[Jenrick285]

Always seemed as if she wanted me back, was why it was hard to move on.
I stopped talking to her for about two years, and now we talk occasionally here and there as casual friends but nothing more (and yes she still drops hints about wanting to get back together)

But after I decided to move on, I just totally changed, like I learned how to cook, moved out to another place of my own, went to the gym...
Right now? I don't have anyone in particular to tell about
I have yet to find a girl that you know that connection, the one that you just know. I've dated and it's been great! With every new person I meet, it's like I gt to learn so much from them, different personalities, different way of thinking..
My only regret? I wasted my time with my ex when there is so much out there to experience and learn about!

It's a hard and almost impossible, I should know, I've been there, but you will get to a point where you realize she's playing you and the other guy.

[imokurnot]

Thanks I really appreciate your perspective and I am getting over this faster than expected. I am usually so confident and I told her in the beginning I could never take a cheater back. Once a cheater always a cheater I said then and I think the same now. The only thing about this one is it may have been meant to be but she blew it. We were very good together but she blew it and I think she knows that but isn't strong enough to fix it and worries that I won't take her back. If I did she worries I would have resentment that would ruin the relationship. I can't say I'd take her back but I know I want to see her grovel and beg and fight to get me back. I want her to show me that she knows that she made a huge misatake. If I see she is completely honest and regrets it and can totally commit once again by her actions not her words maybe, just maybe, she gets a chance. On the other hand she would have to show me a lot to get a chance. I do know one thing, I want to be the one that makes the decision to take her back or not. Maybe that's ego and childish but for right now that's what I want, after that who knows.

[Adonis]

ok listen she seems very flighty and undecisive especially when your guys made up all day on the Tuesday. I haven't finished the story(but i promise i will read the full post) it seems like we are almost in the same situation I hate being jealous but i understand when you need answers from someone and they don't want to talk or they say you are pushing them. I mean I just had sex with him on wednesday and then he hangs with him on Christmas what the hell is that. The whole thing with her getting you to talk to R seems weird its like she is playing you off each other not nice. I'll keep reading and give you more advice once I've finished it
Stay strong

[inkeepingsecret]

hey man,

I read your post and it was kind of sad. It's appareant that your ex has some issues that she needs to fix. I think this is a prime example for when it is time to move on. She did a lot of things that would hurt any man and most of all you. You know in your heart that you will be ok. Accept this and try and start to recover. I know that this was a long relationship, and that she was such a major part of your life, but it may be time to figure some things out about what you want out of life. Be sefish, try to accept the fact that it is over. THats the only way you will be able to function again.


Oh and as for me........Last night the ex came over. We havent talked for 2 weeks and havent seen each other in over a month. She made it clear that she loves me, but she cant give me what i want in the relationship. She looked liek she was going to have a nervous breakdown. It was sad, i wanted to make her feel better, but thats the problem with me. She doesnt want me to make her happy she wants to make herself happy and know that she can handle the stress of her sophmore year without me.

She also saud that it wasnt a rational situation for us. You know what she is right. Her and I dont deserve this. ITs really hard for the both of us. I wasnt happy and i keep on telling myself that i will give her what she needs (space) and we will be ok, but i know that im only thinking about her needs and not mine. Talk about a wake up call. I feel so much better and im not sad..........

[Adonis]

Ok so I finally read your post and that's just crazy. You tell a good story though. Have you seen this guy R before? I'm sure that he's scared of you. That's good, but think how jealous he must for her to have come out of a 7 year relationship with you and now she still comes back to you. Especially your updates seem to be turning her head when nad she's calling your ass all the time. now all you need is use that to your advantage if you ever want to get back together with her. I will totally follow your advice and see what happens.