Move for my Happiness? Or Stay for my Family's?

[grogan67]

Ok, this is a little complicated, but I will try to spell it out.

6 years ago, I moved to nashville, TN with my mom, whom I have a very close friendship and relationship with. We moved here because she is form here. I had been born and raised in Missouri, and when we moved to Tennessee, I left behind my 4 sisters, and my dad, and half my family. I am close with ALL of them still. So my mom and I have been living with her family here in Nashville for 6 years now, My mom is now happily married and we are still close to this day.

2 years Ago, I met a very special man. I am gay and My boyfriend and I have been very close since the day we met. We have an incredibly strong relationship and love each other deeply. When we met, he was here in Nashville going to college, and we hit it off. Well that summer he had to go back home to Tulsa, OK because he was living in the dorm rooms and had to leave for the summer. Well i couldn't stand to be without him, so I went there and stayed the summer with him. When we came back we were able to find an apartment, we both had jobs and everything was going nicely. Well he wasn't able to go to college because of financial reasons, so he just found a full time job. Well since then, he has had a hard time keeping full time job, and I have been lucky enough to have one all this time. Well we have had a hard time financially because he hasn't kept a full time job, and now we are having hard times finding places to live. we are both volunteer firefighters, and we stayed at the fire hall for a little while, but that didn't work out now we cant stay there anymore. Then we stayed with my mom for a while. Well things went downhill very quickly when we were living with my mom, and now she wont talk, look at or say anything to my boyfriend. They have gotten into it several times, (all arguments are because they are both immature and stubborn). So now my boyfriend is very unhappy here in Tennessee and wants to move back with his family in Tulsa. Well I never want to loose him, so I want to go with him. But my relationship is very very close with my mom and my family here in Tennessee. So my problem is do I go to Oklahoma and be very happy with the man I love, or do I lose him, stay in Tennessee, and make my family happy.?

All of my life, I have done whatever it takes to make others happy and prevent confrontation and sadness. I do not like the person I am now because I am very high strung, always have very high anxiety, I am a pathological liar when it comes to preventing arguments or confrontations. I just want things to change.

I want to go to Tulsa to try to change some things in my life. But I am afraid that if I go, and things on down to the road do not work out with my Boyfriend, and I have to come back, I am afraid that My family realtionships here in Tennessee will be irreversibly damaged.

HELP ME! I just want some advice please, how can explain to my family that this is what I need. or should I stay and salvage those relationships, Lose the man I love and let things go back to the way they were?

Any Advice is greatly appreciated.

BTW I am 21 years old, and I am a white Gay male.

[MaidenMinx]

Honey, go with your man. Family is family and they will always be there for you. Your family love you and want to be happy, even if their ideas of how to achieve that happiness differ from yours.

If worst comes to worst and you have to go back to your family, I see no reason why they should hold following your heart against you. If everything works out beautifully, over time your partner and your mum will bridge the gap to at least an amicable level.

[Mathias]

I think you need to figure out some stuff - counseling for the confrontation avoidance would be a good start.

Why doesn't your mom like your boyfriend? Seems like you're hiding some stuff here. That's what worries me.

[Mathias]

Honey, go with your man. Family is family and they will always be there for you. Your family love you and want to be happy, even if their ideas of how to achieve that happiness differ from yours.

If worst comes to worst and you have to go back to your family, I see no reason why they should hold following your heart against you. If everything works out beautifully, over time your partner and your mum will bridge the gap to at least an amicable level.

This is not automatic. I'm all for growing up and moving with your s/o, but it seems something's broken here.

[Boisdevie]

Go with your boyfriend. You can always visit your mum.