PLEASE Desperate help needed - PLEASE HELP! PLEASE!

[Rabbitt]

Hey all, im in a dilemma

1 month ago i found out my ex girlfriend had been lying about serious stuff to me, deep emotional secrets (sexual abuse etc) she kept telling me for years all turned out not to be true. ( I went to police to tip them about a guy chasing her, blackmailing her into sex) they then told me she had never been in contact with those kind of guys (while she told she me did and police was involved) anyway police told me that never happened atleast not with them involved. while she still is convincing me that it happened.

i confronted her about it and she completly went ballistic at me cussing swearing everything you name it she used it against me.

so we didnt talk for like a month , and i couldnt take it anymore i had to text her, so i did that i thought it was unfair that she said to me that i screwed up the relationship and it was my fault (she told me I ****ed it up and we could never be friends again)

yesterday there was a national festival and i came eye to eye with her, of all places i crossed her path and she looked at me and i looked at her and she smiled so i automatically smiled back her face turned red and she just rushed away and i wanted to go after her but she was too fast so i tapped 1 of her friends and said hi and she was all cool to me like : how are you etc. but we kept it short because of my ex.


the rest of that day i was confused and felt so miserable that i couldnt hug her because of our fight so i texted her later that night saying that it isnt going to work like this with the ignoring and the avoiding and i suggested to talk it out .

she called this morning and said she doesnt want to have contact with me , she wanted me out of her life all of that and i told her that i accept that but i want to talk things over so when we see eachother we dont have this hatred and stressy feeling when we are around eachother (like in clubs or anything) because we go out in the same places and i told her that i think it's important when people are special to you or if they where that you just dont cut them out of your life , once your special you stay special. well anyway further down the conversation she brought back up the police thingy, that i went to the police while she told me not to

i told her that i did it because i was worried and i would have done it for everyone, and i do and also said that if we would swap places that she would have done the same thing for me. she said i crossed the line with that and that i had no right, and i know i didnt have the right but in my eyes i had responsibility to do that. because no one else would so i thought it through and knew damn well that it was gonna end up in arguement but not this bad... and like i said she is still saying to me that it happened, and she told me ofcourse police is going to say no nothing happened like that they just dont hand out information. and thye dont but i wasnt there like hey i wanna check a story or i want info, i got the information by coincidence , it just came out of the officers mouth while i wasnt going for that info. (the information that it didnt happen and there was no record of her being involved in sexual abuse etc)

anyway after a while of talking about i had enough of the subject and turned it into interest in what she had been doing lately , and she told some stuff what happened i cracked some jokes like i always do and she was laughing sincerely and i was too i can tell the difference and it was actually a nicer conversation than we had before.

still she said she rather doesnt want to get in touch with me, she closed the conversation cold with just saying bye in a very short strict cold way.


I doesnt really matter to me anymore that she lied about it or not really, if she lied i forgive her. i just want to put it behind me because the past 1-2 months have been the most miserable months of my life. I just want to have her back in my life, because allthough it was turbulent and chaotic , i felt like i was important to her and that made me feel good about myself, because of the ignoring and avoiding i find myself miserable and tired and

so anyway is there anyone here that give their take on this? some advice? some help? maybe experiences they have with people similar like this? because i dont know if it truly happened or that she lied to get attention or what she wants or what shes actually saying..


i was thinking of sending her a white rose with a card on it next week saying: lets talk it out or something down that road. or is this too clingy or sends a sign that im weak?


i just want this miserable situation to end.. and yes i do want her back , but i do accept that it might take time to get there but eventually i want her back next to me, because on paper she might look like a bad person but when we are together just the 2 of us she's really sweet caring and shy overall a girl you can be proud of.

help a brother out please! i beg you !

- Rabb

[VincenzoG91]

She's a liar, you're a stalker, and the last time I checked, no still means no. Just move on.

[Nicholas_V]

Vincenzo is right - but if sending her a flower and card will make you feel better, don't see any harm coming out of it. I don't think it will make any difference (and I hope you realise that someone who lies about abuse in such a way is not probably at their mental best) - but it may take out later the "what if" factor and save you some a few sleepless nights.

[Rabbitt]

I have to disagree on you Vincenzo on the stalker part, I consider someone a stalker when they go to the places where you hang out all the time on purpose to see what you are doing, what she does in her daily life doesnt really interest me.

Also have to note that in the 3-4 months of dating we had i only drove to her place once spontanously , i dont think im a stalker, slightly controlling yes i admit because of all the problems and issues she always told me and cmon if your girlfriend tells you that a guy is chasing her telling her that she owes him and that she needs to come alone doesnt that trigger your alarm?

[jb1111983]

I've read your earlier thread and I still wonder why would a girl make up such a horrifying story just to get your attention. What if the sexual abuse episode had really happened? You don't know for sure if it's true or not. Therefore I'd think it wasn't a wise move on your part to go check with the police to see if that actually happened or not. She wasn't asking you to fix her past problem. She told you this because she trusted you (let's assume that that thing had really happened) and probably wanted you to understand her better. Now if she's shy and caring like you say she is, I'm not surprised she's so mad at you. She told you something she wouldn't have told anyone else!! Do you know what that means?
Mate, it's always unwise to come to conclusion without getting your facts right. In this case she could be right and she could be wrong. The thing is you really don't know for sure. But that's not really the problem. The problem is that you don't trust her with the story and now she feels you broke her trust. It's gonna be an uphill task from here if you want her back. You'll have to earn her trust back. That's gonna take time. Now don't keep calling her. Give her some space. Just let her know that you'll be around whenever she needs you. And it will help if you apologise for your action concerning checking with the police thing and admit that it was a wrong thing to do (it really was esp without her knowledge). You may or may never get her back. Good luck.

P.s.- if she really lied about this I don't see how you two will ever have a healthy relationship. It's not worth it.

[im_a_fool]

I understand your sadness and I'm so sorry However I would be concerned about anyone who has lied about sexual abuse...A friend of mine dated someone who made this claim and in the end after emails were revealed it turned out that the claims were made out of anger when the guy dumped her... you don't want to become someone she lies about in the future...

[Rabbitt]

Thankyou to the 2 persons above me,

@ jb1111983

You are right, i just went for a jog to clear my head , and i just realized that i've made the right decision for the wrong reasons, and you are right i will never know what happened . truth is nobody will know it. she told me that shes also told this to her best friend , but some stuff that she tells me just conflicts the other., because she told me that she already promised her best friend she wasnt going to act on the ''guy'' thats chasing her, yet i was the 2nd person to know and she told me i had to call her every 30 mins the day she was gonna meet the dude., so conclusion: she promised her best friend not to go, she then still decided to go, then she called me to keep an eye on her,, i told her theres no way in hell she's going to that guy,, she assures me she won't but how far could i take her word with the knowledge i obtained? thats what freaked me out and because of the ''reliability'' of her word i went to the police as this jackass that thinks he's a hero,

It's also my fault i realise that but by all means im not a stalker , she's the 2nd girl in my life i actually cared a damn about.

I'm sending her a flower and a card next week tuesday on a specific time, so i will know that she will see it and have time for it to let it sink in.

thankyou it's what i needed really i can think more clearly now. if you ahve more advice for me please by all means share it with me.
and it's going to be a grind and a drag to get back in her heart, but it's what i've been doing for 5 years, always been by her side never left my post and it feels good to be back in business but like you said i will do it in moderation and with time ofcourse

[wittyname]

I offer my sympathy.